cichlid Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I've been dating him since the beginning of the year; a little over 7 months to be exact. Sometimes I want to tell him that I have developed a lot of feelings for him but then I know I don't want to rush into anything. I felt like the L word was said too soon in my last relationship (my ex said it first). I am a little commitment-phobic and so is he. I also don't like saying the word all the time like my ex did. But I don't know...I miss that word so much. Sometimes I feel like telling him that I think I feel that way about him but other times I am not sure that I am ready for that word. I also don't want to make him uncomfortable. He once told me that he tries to not have sex as much as I want it because he feels like he is developing too many feelings for me too quickly. But then went on to clarify that his previous relationship was based on sex and does not want to see our relationship end up the same way. That he wants ours to be based on more than that...that being able to hang out without sex is important. So anyway...when is the typical time to say it? One this is certain...I miss my BF. He's on a 5 week trip right now and just left at the beginning of this week. I miss him SOOOOOO much right now! We were on a weekend lake trip and then he leaves for the rest of the summer. Link to comment
isilv3r Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 If you think it's too soon to say it, than you should follow your gut feeling. Do other things instead. For instance, in his bathroom, on the toilet roll paper, get a marker and draw a lil heart on it and fold it into a triangular shape, like they do in hotels. Simple things like that. You can make the gesture and your actions can speak it. Leave little notes in his pockets once in a while with a simple "have a good day xoxo" .... there's other ways of expressing it and when the time is right for it to be said, it will come. You can't look for the moment, it comes itself. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 If you think it's too soon to say it, than you should follow your gut feeling. Do other things instead. For instance, in his bathroom, on the toilet roll paper, get a marker and draw a lil heart on it and fold it into a triangular shape, like they do in hotels. Simple things like that. You can make the gesture and your actions can speak it. Leave little notes in his pockets once in a while with a simple "have a good day xoxo" .... there's other ways of expressing it and when the time is right for it to be said, it will come. You can't look for the moment, it comes itself. I agree. You don't necessarily have to say the word..it can be clear in the little things you do for him. He will get the message. Sometimes people say "I love you" without it really meaning much...it is the actions which speak volumes. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I think you should say it when you're sure that he is feeling the same way. If you don't think he is (like he's not doing small things for you, calling you daily, etc.), then saying it won't do anything in the relationship. Link to comment
cichlid Posted July 11, 2008 Author Share Posted July 11, 2008 I think you should say it when you're sure that he is feeling the same way. If you don't think he is (like he's not doing small things for you, calling you daily, etc.), then saying it won't do anything in the relationship. We hang out on a daily basis (lives about a mile away from where I live)...he's now calling daily since he's away. But our phone conversations consist of "Hey, I got off work. Want to come over?" Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 we said it about.. 4 months into the relationship. maybe 3. but we had known each other as friends for 2 years before. you can say it whenever you truly feel it. just as long as you stay away from blurting it out before 2 months (IMO anyway) even 3 months was little, but we had been dating 2 months before, (so it's like 5-6 months in we said it). oh also, because he isnt calling daily etc, doesnt mean he doesnt miss you like hell. when i go on vacation, there isn't always a chance for me to call the bf all the time. people are around all the time, or i cant make international calls from peoples houses. but at night i cant help but think of the bf. and i try and call when i can (a.k.a. when people arent all around me, and when i get to buy a phone card) Link to comment
JadedStar Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I think you should say it when you're sure that he is feeling the same way. If you don't think he is (like he's not doing small things for you, calling you daily, etc.), then saying it won't do anything in the relationship. Right. There is not much worse than saying it TOO soon when the other person just isn't feeling it. It makes a strain on the relationship of sorts vs enhancing it. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 If you're dreading saying the "L" word, then don't say it! Say what you feel, say you miss him, say you want him in your arms, say everything you want but nothing you don't want to say right now. Link to comment
cichlid Posted July 11, 2008 Author Share Posted July 11, 2008 If you're dreading saying the "L" word, then don't say it! Say what you feel, say you miss him, say you want him in your arms, say everything you want but nothing you don't want to say right now. I think I might wait a few more months before say it. I might say it if all is going well in say...October or December. I did tell him I miss him dearly and that things are boring at home without him. He spoils me, he does, with his constant hanging out (but half the time we are with his friends and I am fine with that since they like me). I told him today that I missed him of course and that I think when he gets home I will run up to him and hug him and never let go (for an hour or so). He told me he is looking forward to that! Link to comment
Excalibur Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 If you love him by your definition - then i's never too early to state it. He doesn't have ot love you - for you to love him. There's a huge difference between I love you...and I love my life now that you're in it. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 If you love him by your definition - then i's never too early to state it. He doesn't have ot love you - for you to love him. There's a huge difference between I love you...and I love my life now that you're in it. To be honest I'd be willing to guess that probably 80 to 90% of people who love someone really are just loving themselves more with that person in it. Link to comment
cichlid Posted July 12, 2008 Author Share Posted July 12, 2008 If you love him by your definition - then i's never too early to state it. He doesn't have ot love you - for you to love him. There's a huge difference between I love you...and I love my life now that you're in it. Doesn't it make it awkward to say it before he feels the same way? He probably knows that I am wanting to say it. I always tell him "I like you so much! You're just the cutest!" Hmmm... I would like to think that I care about him deeply versus just liking him because of attention that he gives me. I feel like if I say it now then that is too early. I guess I should go with my gut and wait. Link to comment
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