She doesnt like sex!

[FireFighter84]

Hi,

 

I'm now with this girl for over 8 months and we took things really slow for having sex. The first time was after 3 months. I really love her and thus as male respected her to wait such u long time. Yes for me this is an eternity! (I used to flirt alot). When the moment was there, it hurted alot for her becouse... I was her first. Unfortunately the pain didnt went over after a couple of times. We tried everything: lubrication, taking it easy , gynaecologist. Nothing worked.. until at a sudden day, it didnt hurt for her (but she feels no excitement either). Now I thought we could finally get some more sex. But this is not happening. We have sex once in 2 weeks. It's really killing me. I'm young and want more more sex. Want i start over the issue she says I can only think off sex. We had a lot of arguing about this. Its frustrating to know a healthy young couple has 3 or more times sex a week.

I really need it once a week or more. Also she has some annoying excuses to not have sex with me:

-I'm tired

-Need to go home

-We had sex a few days ago

-It's not the right time

 

And so on. What can I do ?

[Gingerstar]

I don't know. I don't get much out of sex either. It's new to me also, so maybe it gets better with practice. Have you tried different positions? ones where you can stimulate her clit at the same time?? How about giving her oral before hand? those might help. Also, try being really romantic and getting her in the mood with alot of foreplay.

[prettyhate]

can i just say my bf cheated on me because of this reason as selfish as it was

i ahd serious issues with painful sex and not only that he was not very considerate when it old him about the issuse - he only wanted to get it over and get himself off - never once got me in the mood it takes a long time for a girl - we need mood atmosphere - if the house is a mess it will annoy us any distraction is hard

we need foreplay too we are wired really differently from a guy

the worst thing u can do is pressure her too i felt constant pressure that if it ouched my ex hed expect but honestly we just dont need it to function like males seem to

be really kind to her and she will want to as i am sure she is worried about it just as much as you are - as my doc says if it hurts of course your not going to want to do it...

talk to her be honest say you are having a hard time maybe there are other sexual things u can do with each other...

her excuses may be reasons not excuses - she could be tired i always wa from working and a relationship she probably has an obligation feeling of HAVING to have sex with the remark " we did it a few days ago" that was probably a huge deal and effort on her part

just talk about it

[DN]

I would ask her to see a doctor to find out if there is a good reason for this - and support her as much as possible if she agrees.

 

But if she won't get help and you have done all you can to make this situation better then you may have to consider leaving her. It seems a hard decision to make but without help these situations tend to get worse rather than better.

 

At the moment she is making her problem your problem instead of a problem you can try to solve together.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would ask her to see a doctor to find out if there is a good reason for this - and support her as much as possible if she agrees.

 

But if she won't get help and you have done all you can to make this situation better then you may have to consider leaving her. It seems a hard decision to make but without help these situations tend to get worse rather than better.

 

At the moment she is making her problem your problem instead of a problem you can try to solve together.

 

 

I agree. This is not something she should bury her head in the sand about..not only from the standpoint of sexual pleasure but also from the standpoint of relationship intimacy. By not dealing with the issue she is losing out on special intimate moments with someone she cares about. I would try to talk to her about seeing a doctor..and if she doesn't want to try some way to see if this can be resolved, then you might need to re-think this relationship. It is very important that she at least tries to address the issue and work on fixing it.

[sushi_pompom]

Does she come from some religious background? Maybe she feels guilty about sex, like it's dirty and wrong...that could make it hard for her to get excited and ready for sex. Just a thought...

[ramsickle1369]

Fire Fighter,

 

I hear ya. I had to end a marriage b/c my XH didn't have an interest in sex. Eventually I gave up. This happens a lot in relationships.

 

Clearly there is something causing her to not enjoy it -- not always the partner so don't take it that way. She may have some emotional issues or perceptions of sex that are getting in the way. You need to express only the emotional distress this is causing you--not the point about "needing sex". Try to remember that sex starts in a woman's brain. If you are jumping her bones and she's not ready to go there, she'll be uncomfortable and resist and thereforeee not enjoy it.

 

What kinds of situations happen? Like, what happens if you start romancing her a little?

[Rabican]

Id say its pretty tough to work through an issue like sex if one partner (your gf) wont even discuss it.

 

Simply saying, you want it too much, or Im tired, I have homework, etc. etc. always delaying the sex and never discussing or covering the issue at hand is no solution.

 

I would sit her down for a heart to heart and find out what the issue is. Tell her if it were up to you, you would have say 3 times a week. And if she only wants it every 3 weeks, why? Is she just not horny, does she not find you attractive, whats the deal?

 

If she cannot have that conversation, to at least let you know where you stand... id say leave. If you can at least get the situation figured out, then you can decide if you can deal with it or not. But I think ultimately it may come down to the fact that you two arent compatible... at least right now. You are a horndog (like me Id go 10times a week) and she isnt.

[Rabican]

Oh, another thing... have you tried the whole romantic dinner, flower, bubble bath, full body massage deal... ya know get her in the mood make her feel desired both physically, and emotionally... not just saying hey babe lets knock boots!!

 

Make sure you are taking care of her needs and she will likely take care of yours.

[JadedStar]

I would ask her to see a doctor to find out if there is a good reason for this - and support her as much as possible if she agrees.

 

But if she won't get help and you have done all you can to make this situation better then you may have to consider leaving her. It seems a hard decision to make but without help these situations tend to get worse rather than better.

 

At the moment she is making her problem your problem instead of a problem you can try to solve together.

 

I totally agree.

 

Sex is important, at least to you it is. You will never be truly happy with a person who avoids it and doesn't like it.

 

yes, try to get her to seek a doctor and get help for this but if she doesn't make a good effort than she really doesn't care about making any changes or compromises.

[thejigsup]

It is not only young people who have sex often. My bf and I are both in our 50s and we have sex at least 3 times a week. All our friends our age are similar. As for your gf, females are capable of enjoying sex and having an orgasm just as often and almost as quickly as men. Maybe she should see a doctor about her difficulties with sex. If she had ever had a pleasurable sexual experience, she would not be saying that all you want is sex. She would be wanting it just as much. She needs to deal with this and you should be understanding and patient if she does seek help. If she doesn't, do you want to live the rest of your life like this? That is a decision only you can make.

[FireFighter84]

Thx for all the replies. We did it again after 2 weeks. And yes it sucket! Turned the music on, some candle light, stimulating her clit, giving her oral for like 45 minutes and she didnt went wet. Then I got intercource and she gave me 5 mins to cum. At the end she said: I hope your happy now, you had your fun. I love her and sho does she. It's just driving my crazy. How can a women not like sex. I've tried about everything now I think: gynaecologist, lubber, be gentle (unless we argue about it). Any more tips ? I'm running out of hope here which is dangerous: Accepting it or leaving her :S...

[DN]

Then I got intercource and she gave me 5 mins to cum. At the end she said: I hope your happy now, you had your fun.

Those are not the words and actions of a woman who loves you - not in any meaningful sense anyway.

[FireFighter84]

Those are not the words and actions of a woman who loves you - not in any meaningful sense anyway.

 

I really dont know. She hugs me sometimes and says she loves me, maybe becouse I'm her first real boyfriend or so. I've no clue. I'm starting to lose it

[FireFighter84]

does she know how close you are to walking away from her over this issue?

 

I dont know. I suppose so. We 've had a lot of arguing about this over and over and...over. I'm stucked with my head in the sand :s

[ramsickle1369]

FF

 

You really need to just end it. You are young and love and deep relationships include good sex. If you aren't getting it from her, she's likely not comfortable with it, for whatever the issue it. Do not hang on to this in hopes it will change. I spent 10 years waiting for my XH to "get it". He never did--still hasn't and we've been separated almost three years now. He didn't even understand it was an issue. He was my best friend and I loved him. In the end, it wasn't enough. I needed the whole package. People will call you insensitive and childish. Fact of it is, sex is PART of a healthy romantic relationship. Since you are her first boyfriend, she may have no idea what it would feel like to "WANT" someone.