SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Broke up with my long term ex in October, started actually feeling sad in June and I am kind of broken right now. I know this is weird considering my recent thread, but there is this girl at my work who I do not find physically attractive (4.5 to 5), but what does attract me is that I always see her at work wearing shirts of punk bands. Cool for two reasons. One it is nice to see someone here that is not a complete prep. Two the fact that she can wear those shirts working at a defense firm is pretty ballsy. Basically I am attracted to the fact that she is different (but like me) living in an area that has a very fundamentalist culture. Like me she represents one in a million. Problem comes back though to the lack of physical attraction. Like if I did pursue it would be because I am hurt and she would be comforting. Or if I just stayed friends I would end up leading her on. Its sucks because I bet personality wise we would go well together (both quiet and both into counterculture). I cannot tell if I am putting her on a pedastol because of my position or if I am actually looking for more substance than physical attraction. I get the impression the response will be wait until I am totally healed from the breakup and see how I feel. This maybre true, but at the same time wants wise or emotional condition wise I do not see much changing for a very long time. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yea, of course you should wait until you are over the breakup to pursue anything new, but you should still hang out with her. Who knows, she might have friends that are into the same things as her and you could find yourself physically attracted to them. Don't hold back. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 what does attract me is that I always see her at work wearing shirts of punk bands. it is nice to see someone here that is not a complete prep. I am attracted to the fact that she is different I bet personality wise we would go well together (both quiet and both into counterculture). You may have heard of a town called San Francisco about 50 miles northwest of your location. For more girls like your coworker (but hotter), check it out. Link to comment
SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 The thing is I am kind of elitist and I probably would not do well with someone who did not have a college degree. When I go to concerts in SF I mainly see burnouts. I know this girl went to Cal Poly. Probably an engineer. That would make her uber smart. Yea, of course you should wait until you are over the breakup to pursue anything new, but you should still hang out with her. Who knows, she might have friends that are into the same things as her and you could find yourself physically attracted to them. Don't hold back. My worry would be leading her on. If we do become close then it could get ugly. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 The thing is I am kind of elitist and I probably would not do well with someone who did not have a college degree. When I go to concerts in SF I mainly see burnouts. Berkeley, then. Same difference. Though some might not consider Berkeley a college. :splat: Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 The thing is I am kind of elitist and I probably would not do well with someone who did not have a college degree. When I go to concerts in SF I mainly see burnouts. I know this girl went to Cal Poly. Probably an engineer. That would make her uber smart. My worry would be leading her on. If we do become close then it could get ugly. You don't have to have a romantic realtionship with every girl who has similar interests. Just be up front and let her know you'd like to be friends, that you're looking for a concert buddy and go from there. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 You don't have to have a romantic realtionship with every girl who has similar interests. Just be up front and let her know you'd like to be friends, that you're looking for a concert buddy and go from there. If you're wondering to keep things at arm's length, I've found that talking about relationships with girls puts you both in each other's friendzone. I mean, what girl pursuing you wants to hear about the *other* girls you're interested in? Link to comment
SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Maybe since my relationships with females in the past have been relatively unorthodox I find it kind of difficult. The only female friend that I have ever had started off physical. My GF's all started physical. You kind of get my drift. It would be new territory. And I am not trying to sound arrogant at all, but I can definitely say I am more attractive than her and that makes me worry that she would get attached. Telling someone you just want to be friends from the getgo seems awkward. Berkeley, then. Same difference. Though some might not consider Berkeley a college. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 If you're wondering to keep things at arm's length, I've found that talking about relationships with girls puts you both in each other's friendzone. I mean, what girl pursuing you wants to hear about the *other* girls you're interested in? Good point. Link to comment
SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 That just sounds weird to meet a girl then spend a lot of time talking about other girls. Plus I guess if something were to transpire it would kill the possibility. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 you aren't fully attracted to this girl, just her style. so forget it. don't do it. trust me. i've done it. did it for 2 years until i realized the problem. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 That just sounds weird to meet a girl then spend a lot of time talking about other girls. Plus I guess if something were to transpire it would kill the possibility. DUDE! "I like a punk girl... but I shudder at visiting Berkeley" "I might want to hook up... but I don't want her to get the wrong idea" ](*,) Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 oh, and you aren't shallow. it's your personal preference. Link to comment
SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Thats what its like here. I live in a thrid rate so-cal. Its so flashy and all about style. People are so judgemental. I am going to get caught up in that no matter what. Might as well go for what I like. On a side note. Here is a little story of how culture differs so much here. My parents and best friend live about 80 miles north of here. I went to visit one day after work. I went to work that day wearing Ralph Lauren straight leg jeans and Ralph Lauren polo shirt, black socks, and black hard sole shoes. I was doing the * * * * * eye look that is the rage here because I was at work. These are like street clothes down here. So I visit my buddy and his roomate's girl was asking me why I was so dressed up. Link to comment
SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 DUDE! "I like a punk girl... but I shudder at visiting Berkeley" "I might want to hook up... but I don't want her to get the wrong idea" ](*,) I like educated rocker chicks. I hate dirty hippies. What I meant is it would be nice to keep it in teh friend zone if I am not feeling it. I am just worried it would become all or nothing. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I like educated rocker chicks. I'd suggest you move to a college town back east... but I suppose you weren't really asking where to find the girls that most attract you. I hate dirty hippies. Me too btw Link to comment
SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 I'd suggest you move to a college town back east... but I suppose you weren't really asking where to find the girls that most attract you. Me too btw Sometimes I wish I transfered to a school other than the one I went to. My alma mater was like UC Berkeley without the smart people and activists. It was mainly a large group of people that had trouble with the English language. Link to comment
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