mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hi all Am I right in thinking that rejection hurts even tho you know you are not in love with the person? Im ok, but the fact he didnt want a relationship with me bothers me. Yeh I liked him a lot, sexually attracted to him, the affection etc. but I know that he is not for me. Now in NC, which is not proving too hard, but I'm still licking a small wound. x Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Absolutely.... Rejection sucks sometimes. But MCA - - - you just gotta keep on moving... Hang in there! Remember that if he would have stuck around, you would have been settling... Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 So very true, I would have been settling for his scraps which is no good, I was always in limbo and felt pretty rubbish most of time (apart from when I saw him of course)... Back to drawing board. Im worried I will bump into him as I will still be so attracted I know I will, but hopefully I wont see him around! Hopefully he will stay away from our social group for a while Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 So very true, I would have been settling for his scraps which is no good, I was always in limbo and felt pretty rubbish most of time (apart from when I saw him of course)... Back to drawing board. Im worried I will bump into him as I will still be so attracted I know I will, but hopefully I wont see him around! Hopefully he will stay away from our social group for a while Is this the guy that you were in an "unspoken" relationship with that you are speaking of? Or someone you dated recently? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yeh we dated for 5 months but it was not a relationship and he would withdraw a lot from me, but claimed to really like me but had trouble committing. We got on so well and I really thought he felt something for me. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 I miss him sometimes, but get this... only when I'm bored. Telling eh? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yes - completely telling. You deserve more than him fo sho, Girlie!!! I used to miss my ex terribly when I was bored.. What have ya been doing to keep busy? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Well Ive got heaps of good friends and a good social life, but I lost my job recently to bankruptcy so am not working for the first time in my life, so I find I am getting bored and I think because I know that he doesnt work, I just think awww I could really do with his company right now! I still fancy him a lot and thats what I find the hardest. If I heard of him with someone else, then I would be real jealous but I suspect he treats all women that way. He wasnt a bad guy really and felt guilty a lot for not giving me what I wanted, but I was settling you see, so you couldnt blame him. I do know that he will feel real jealous about me too if I was to get with sum1 else. Im going out tonight anyway, so I should have a good night, but one of his friends might be there and that kinda makes me feel on edge (even tho he is lovely and rarely talks about it with me), but it just makes me think of him. But I will NOT contact him dont worry, I am very good at NC! XX Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 This question reminds me of something I saw on a sitcom once. GUY #1: Look, I'm flattered by your attention, but I think I should tell you that I'm not gay. GUY#2: That's okay, you read me wrong. I wouldn't choose you for a partner. GUY #1: Whew, what a relief... wait, why not?? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 LOL! Yes absolutely. Its a classic case of wanting something that you cannot have, it can drive you insane. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 That is from Friends or Seinfeld isnt it, or the one with the gay guy in it who is really funny, oh i cant remember the name of it! Link to comment
nothanks Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 The rejection thing is so powerful. I know it has kept me pining for guys I didn't really even like. Doing anything to get them back, just because I couldn't stand the rejection. Yuck! Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 That is from Friends or Seinfeld isnt it, or the one with the gay guy in it who is really funny, oh i cant remember the name of it! Mmm, I never really watched thems. I'm thinkin' it was from a short-lived Sunday Foxcom of a year or two back. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 I agree, its yuck! but I can never stop myself getting in deep, how do you?? can it be done? I dont think it can because its human nature to develop a warm feeling for someone, even if they end up hurting you, all the moments shared, the laughs, the sex, the late night conversations. I miss those! Link to comment
nothanks Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yeah, totally. That stuff feels so powerful and good when you don't have it. I guess you have to eventually get to the point where you see that those good moments were not balanced out by the rest- whatever was not working. And you have faith that there is something better out there. But for awhile, you just feel crappy. Sometimes self-talk helps for a bit. Like if you think of that great sex or that special night, or waking up with someone in bed and how nice it was, actually say to yourself (in your head), "Yes, that was nice, but the rest of the relationship didn't work. I'm not going to think about that good memory right now." SOMETIMES that actually helps. Practice it over and over, and you start feeling less pain with each memory. Or not. Time, I guess, is the most reliable cure. It does hurt, though, doesn't it. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 nothanks, thank you for that. Yeh it does hurt, I was hoping he was gonna really fall for me and want it, but I had moments when I thought "ergh he would drive me mad in a relationship". In fact, the other night, I practised that self-talk as I was thinking of the nice things, those nice things are no good are they if you balance out how much stress and hurt u went through. Think I will continue to do that now, thanks. Link to comment
nothanks Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Yay! Good for you. I know so well how much it hurts to not be wanted. Sometimes it makes me feel like I am worth nothing. I start feeling like I've never been worth it to anybody. etc. etc. boo hoo. And it is a horrible feeling. Horrible. On the other hand, if I tilt my head a little, I can see there is nothing wrong with not being wanted by someone I don't really want. Funny little brains we have. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 lol!! yeh our minds are quite odd at times arent they, reverse psychology! mines been pickled a few times thanks for ur help x Link to comment
Catdancer Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 MCA...this guy was fun for what he was. A f-buddy, someone to hang with on occasion, to talk to (when you could find him), to feel like you had someone. For him it may have just been friends with benefits, with little to no emotional attachment. You are treating this like you were his girlfriend, you werent. He is treating it like it was, FMB. You feel hurt and rejected because he didnt want a relationship, but didnt he tell you in the beginning that he couldnt do a relationship, he had other committments? He told you all along and you fell for him anyway. You let your feelings grow a little deeper and he didnt because he knew EXACTLY what he wanted and he told you from the get-go. When you first started hanging out with him, did you know what you wanted from him? Did you know what you were willing to give of yourself? Did you draw a line and say to yourself that you would not cross it and if you did you would end it with him? You gave yourself no boundaries. He saw that and took all that you would give him. He had boundaries set, so when it got to the point where he either crossed the line or ended it, he ended it. I know you are hurting and rejection sucks, but understanding a little more of what he's seen and feeling may help! hang in there, Cat Link to comment
SchecterGuy Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Reminds me of a Dennis Miller stand up special. Paraphrasing: "I am so neurotic I worry that the people I hate do not like me." I guess I can relate sometimes. Link to comment
Tiptoe Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hey, I know exactly what you are going through and feeling. I know that this guy I like is bad for me and that it wouldn't work out but still, the feeling that he does not want me gets to me. I have good days and bad days but you just have to give yourself time. Your head knows that he is not the one for you, you just have to let you heart catch up with your head. Give yourself some time to get over the feeling of rejection (I hate that word) and you will be just fine! It's been 2 weeks for me and I am already feeling better but do have the odd wobbly moment. Good luck! Link to comment
mca1975 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 Tiptoe, thank you so much. sometmes it feels nice when u know there are other people out there feelin the same way. I really miss him right now but its because I've been out drinking. I hoped and hoped he would be what I wanted, but yes, he made it kinda clear all along. I think thats why he cant be nasty to me because he probably feels sorry for me, he knew I was falling for him. Ive really gotta stop being so sad and just get on with it! lol Link to comment
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