Maverick32x Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hey, this is a bit interesting so I thought I'd post it around here... I USED to be extremely shy around just about everyone... and things really turned around for me.. I'm much more open and social and able to project an image of confidence, when deep down inside I couldn't be more nervous or more scared!! So this has been working really well.... However, I just recently went on a real date with a girl that I had met recently and she is EXTREMELY shy...(used to college dating... bars, drinking ect.. lol ) heck, she even apologized for it after the date that she was really shy and she wanted to get to know me better but it just takes awhile for her... and thats fine.. nothing really has started up between us, just one casual date.. and I was wondering if anyone here has any tips for talking with a shy girl... I try my hardest but its tough to get a conversation going when only one of us is injecting their own thoughts... my main strategy was to keep it light hearted and to try to figure out what she is passionate about but she seems relucatant to communicate these things to me.... thoughts? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Where did you two go for your date? Dinner or? If so, find something more active to do... I think that may help! Link to comment
george237 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 If it was me I would give her one more chance on another date and if she doesn't talk then I would not take her out again. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 You need to go on a date that inspires conversation via the surrondings. For example playing sports or visiting an art gallery or something. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I’m dealing with the same thing myself. I’ve been out with a girl several times who is very shy, but yet I find myself liking her more and more when she starts to open up. It might sound lame to some people, but our two best dates were when we went mini-golfing and bowling. Those were both good opportunities to bust her up a little (and vice-versa) and she definitely loosened up by the end of the night. So I would recommend any type of physical actively for the first few dates. If you go out to eat, take her to an outdoor restaurant because people watching inspires some great and different conversations. But don’t worry about filling every silent moment – just try to let the conversation flow (I know, easier said then done -- but it's possible). Avoid the standard “yes” or “no” questions and you should have a good time. Link to comment
george237 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I’m dealing with the same thing myself. I’ve been out with a girl several times who is very shy, but yet I find myself liking her more and more when she starts to open up. It might sound lame to some people, but our two best dates were when we went mini-golfing and bowling. Those were both good opportunities to bust her up a little (and vice-versa) and she definitely loosened up by the end of the night. If you go out to eat, take her to an outdoor restaurant because people watching inspires some great and different conversations. But don’t worry about filling every silent moment – try to let the conversation flow. Avoid the standard “yes” or “no” questions and you should have a good time. Nothing lame about mini golf or bowling. I have taken girls there plenty of times. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Nothing lame about mini golf or bowling. I have taken girls there plenty of times. No, I totally agree. Some of my buddies gave me a hard time, but it's a lot of fun no matter how old you get. Link to comment
SBV Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Have you asked her much about herself and her life? I do think you have to find out what she is most interested in and what inspires her. I am quiet and shy but I have my passions and when people actually talk about something I am interested in I am more likely to hold a good conversation than if someone is talking about something that doesn't really interest me (ie. if someone began talking about veganism/animal rights then I would have loads to say as I'm into that - whereas if someone talked about the weather or the latest sports news I would find that boring and not give much feedback). As you've only been on one date I would say that she will open up to you the more times you meet her. I think some of the nicest people can be shy and quiet so don't follow george's advice, because you might miss out on something amazing if you don't take the time to get to know her. Tell us the sorts of things you did ask her/talk to her about - and then maybe we can tell you what else to ask. Link to comment
CandyKins Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Maybe it best if you both aren't dating but that doesn't mean you have to 'decline' the girl. I'll give you tips of how to deal with a shy person. Approach her and put on a nice friendly smile on your face, because psychologically that will give her a comfortable feeling. Be calm, polite and talk about something that you both might have in common. Just be friendly. Take it slow, not fast. Pay attention to her opinions and thoughts, then add in whichever thoughts that popped into your mind but remember to make sure that it would not offend her. I think it's best not to talk about deep things or ask her deep questions. Never put her in an embarrassing or uncomfortable situations. And don't complain. But don't over do it, you know? Otherwise that can be a bit awkward. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 aiighhtt.. good tips, ya the first time we hung out was just at a real low key b-day party... so we just barely talked.. nothing substantial... and then I asked her out and we ended up going to an drive-in movie at some movie we were talking about... which actually worked out REALLY well, because since we were in the car it wasnt hard to hold conversation and talk about whatever was going on while the movie was going on... but not like.. ruin it.. if that makes sense? and i usually NEVER do movies on the first date, but she asked about it, so I figured why not.... anyways, what did I talk to her about.... well I knew she was in school so I asked her about classes, what she wanted to do with it.. ect ect.. found out she was interested in photography.... umm... yea, and then I always have really weird questions I ask... like.. " if you could have any superhero power in the world what would you have...." lol, I don't know, maybe it sounds stupid now, but it usually inspires some pretty interesting conversation also asked what her fav. color was... haha.. we were just joking around because neither of us really knew each other so I figured I'd get the important information out of the way first... Things were really casual though, I'm not over the top about needing to talk and pry into every part of her life.. but I do like to try to find out what people find interesting.. so I guess we mainly talked about photography and why she didnt want to pursue it as a career... and also because I know very little about it.. so I figured i would ask some questions about it to get her talking about it.... so I'll try to do something more active next time~ or maybe we can go to an art museum or something.. I dunno.. we'll see what happens~ Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I think you're probably doing fine; from what you've said (i.e. the type questions you've asked, and the way you project yourself) you seem qualified to bring her out of her shell. By her telling you she's shy, she's probably mostly just asking for your patience. Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted July 15, 2008 Author Share Posted July 15, 2008 yes, very true.. ironically enough we had a really good 2nd date (i thought) even had a little good night kiss.... and plans for the next day... which she blew me off.... by text... which kind of sucked... and then I ended up calling her the next day after work... no answer... and then got a text on.. sunday... and I havent heard from her since?? so who knows!!! Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hmm... That I'm not sure about. It is conceivable that a really shy person might blow off a guy because they're just too shy or nervous, but from what you've posted, I'm skeptical that maybe she's just using that as an excuse. But you're the one who's gone out with her, and so you'd be the best judge of whether she is genuinely shy. I've been friends with this one really shy girl (and her family) for fifteen years, and it's only been in the last year that we've had any real meaningful conversations. She may be the extreme, but no less an example of someone who takes time to get to know. I, likewise, always try to start as friends rather than immediately going into a relationship. And I know I've hurt some girls' feelings by not moving quicker, but if someone isn't patient enough and in-tune to my style of dating (which is not unique by any regards), then I figure that's probably best that things ended. So, what you do depends on how happy you are with the situation, I guess. Either way, I would recommend keeping up a friendship with her. That may be the only way to some really shy people, and it couldn't hurt. Good luck! Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted July 16, 2008 Author Share Posted July 16, 2008 ya, she is extremely shy.. but its not really a bad thing, its just a personality trait... and shes opened up a bit since I've started to talk to her... however, things have slowed down significantly, and I will be leaving for NY in a little over a week.. think this friendship/relationship is at its end but I had fun while it lasted~ Link to comment
GettingBetter Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 I'm sorry to hear that. But, I'm serious about keeping up the friendship. It'll be good for both of you, and who knows what the future holds. In fact, the only time I wouldn't keep up as friends with a girl is if she's done something to hurt me. Link to comment
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