Her family meddling in our break up!

[RogerRabbit]

I posted Head or Heart recently in this section of the forums - feel free to read for a background.

 

In one paragraph however, an extremely volatile relationship which is a result of the many personal issues my partner has. (By the way, I'm not perfect nor looking to be the victim). Despite all my efforts to support her nothing has really changed in 5 years. This has out an incredible strain on my realtionship and attitude towards the relationship.

 

Now in terms of family she has this, what i deem very immature outlook on family despite being 26. I'm not one to knock having close ties to your family but is it not unreasonable to reach a point in time where the bonds you had when you were a child slowly change? What I mean by that, is that doesn't your focus change towards you life and your future at some point. Yes, we all want some level of involvement with your family but you can't keep the same structure you had in your life as a child all your life. However, this appears to be something my ex has been unable to grapple with.

 

Anyway.....

 

Here is the point of frustration for me - Throughout our relationship, whenever there are problems, she runs to her family and basically gives them this very one-sided opinion of events.

 

 

This has occurred on numerous occasions over the last 5 years and in regards to some matters are extremely personal to our relationship and are best preferred to be sorted out in-house.

 

It's now at the point now where I have gone from being a decent guy to now being regarded as this person who is not good enough for their sister/daughter. Through her continually turning to her family for advice she has inadvertently brought their opinion and emotion into our relationship.

 

Our relationship is now on particularly bad terms and they are right there in the thick of things. I know this through a few of the conversations I've had with her and then news filters through other means.

 

The most disappointing thing is that they honestly have no idea of the situation at hand yet they are doing all they can to make sure that this relationship is finished.

 

I guess its difficult because I feel like we are both at the age where we should be not bringing in other parties, particularly family into the equation!

 

So right now, even though the basic consensus from this forum is that I should walk from this girl, I have yet to completely shut the door on the notion that something can be salvaged here. However, with the family opinion now deeply embedded within her frame of thought the situation seems much more dire.

 

So the question beckons, is it likely always to be this case with this girl?

I don't think I could handle a family meddling into our business all the time.

Particularly when my partner only ever seems to bring the bad news to the table.

 

Also, is this factor another reason for why I should be biting the bullet and running directly out of this situation.

 

And, is it unreasonable for me to have these thoughts. I just feel like there is always going to be a 3rd element to what I deem as an intimate relationship that really only has a place for two people.

[irish-gal]

I know what you mean roger. My b/f can have the same petty ways, is 28 and yet he still runs to his family about the tiniest thing. Like you it is also one sided and i'm the bad guy. U need to sit her down and explain how unfair this is to u. How would she feel if u did this to her. I recommend u do it soon as i've lost closeness with his sister due to this crap. Once the fighting is over and u've made up the family still hasn't forgotten. U need to tell her that the problems in your relationship are exactly that, YOUR problems...best of luck

[kuhl282000]

Quote "Is it unreasonable for me to have these thoughts" .......

 

Not at all, I just went through the exact same thing. I just broke it off and moved out, as much as I really loved her. A person has to have the courage to take a stance meaning her. And she has to take that stance towards her man. Its really easy when you only hear one side of the story, they will come rally to their rescue and you will always be deemed the BAD GUY.

 

You end up in the end feeling shamed, disrespected and rejected. Its not a good feeling at all. The really sad part in it all is that you have so much in your heart that you really want to say, but some how is always seems to get twisted and distorted that it no longer makes any sense at all.

 

I remember mine I was actually sitting on the John and a light went off in my head and I said this wonderful relationship that we once had was now getting so complicated that even I could no longer figure it out as to really what was going on. Anger was being directed at me almost as if she were shooting constant arrows through my heart. And it really hurt and it really tore me up and I ended up moving out because of it. I was hoping the move out would wake her up and make her realize how much she was madly in love with me. So I was waiting for the invite back into her life and that special call, well that never happened either to my demise.

 

I miss her dearly, and I left her out of love. I tried to save her and us all at the same time. And in the end it was really other people that ended up coming in and were really the ones that ended up cutting our ties. We were once inseparable and now we are apart and I don't see any hope on the horizon as to ever getting back together unless a miracle comes into play. The only thing I regret is, we ended up now being apart but now after the fog cleared I've had time to go back and reflect I can only tell you this. If you love the person with all your heart, you have to find a way (no matter how hard that may be) and you have to fight for them all the way to the end. You have to find someway to break down the very large wall that has broken down all lines of your so valuable communication. Because when that goes it all goes and in a hurry. I was with mine going on 5 years to, but its not the number that matters. It's you and her, and you have to stand up for outside forces because they will creep in and divide you every time its a given. I told mine this ......I said.....Look, I love your parents and I love your kids (they were both grown and had their own life) but were very much involved. You have to tell your kids, this is the guy, this is my man, I'm going to stand beside him no matter what. We will work through this and we will get through to the other side some how. He is the one that makes me happy and he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. So please support me in my decision because we will work things out.

 

Well thats what I wanted, but it never really happened that way. Mine was looking for the life of the wealthy and the prestige and we wanted the same things. But it was not happening fast enough and the timelines were not realistic and their really was nothing I could do. So in the end I in a way was still a good guy that ended up being deemed the bad guy even if it were not true. And her family came in and said you can do better. And women have different choices then men in many ways and I knew that. Being the nice guy I wanted her to now choose so I rolled the dice and took a really long shot. And in the end I ended up shooting craps. Instead of taking the option she loved me which I was hoping she would do. She choose to go back out there to the bar scene and find a better deal. Sometimes love really hurts, because I know it left this guy really sad and thats why I'm in here trying to help someone else because in a way it helps me heal. And this is not the kind of girl you just get over in a day or two. Everyone loves this girl so you know the next guy surely will. All I can do now is look back and reflect on some of the good times we had even if were only for 5 years I at least had her for that long. I was planning on going all the way with her and of course that did not happen. In the end I found out the really hard way that love was not enough. Even though I knew in my heart she was my soulmate, I found out and had to accept I really was not hers as hard as that was for me.

Everyday now I wake up in a new strange place with an emptiness in the pit of my stomach I have to some how deal with. So don't end up like me, get in there and be a warrior until the end. Good Luck, I have a feeling you're going to need some.