amber81 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Hi everyone, i understand many of your points of view and i thank you very much for your opinions.... I want make things clear.... First of all please, dont think that i dont understand my boyfriend and that i blame him for what happened to him... I dont.... Cause i also was victim of sexual abuse by my own grand father... I told him this big secret, our trust grew up 100% and he told me what happened to him....... Now.... I dont blame him, i dont think he is guilty... I only have doubts and i dont understand many things...... He was around 15 (maybe younger) when this happened... He was seduced by a 50 year old guy.... He met him, he acted as his friend, invited him to eat, buy him stuff, cool things, then he invites him to his appartment... Acting just like friends... Then he started undressing and saying make your self comfortable, etc ect... He started touching him, and things were happening... Until my boyfriend, ended up * * * * ing (penetrating) the other guy..... So, this is what i dont get... I dont picture my self at age 15 having sex with another woman... I was already old enough to know if i like women or men..... But that is just me, not him.. I dont know how man think, specially at this age..... He says the guy did not force him at all, and he actually enjoyed it at the time was happening.... But he was feeling weard.....then when he left he was regreating and feeling disgusted.... Like cheated on... You know..... I understand this is abuse, cause he manipulated my boyfriend and he was much older than him.... I feel very bad for what happened to him, i have never blamed him, i suffer alot more because he is suffering... But its just that my mind still doesnt understand how could this had happened..... I just picture the story, and i think that if he was not gay or sexuly confused at this time, at the time the guy started to touch him, why didnt he left..... He went all the way..... I know he was very naive, and he admits it.... I know when you are afraid you cant say no.. I know it!!! .... Its just, very hard to understand for me.... Thats all...... And for what happened to me, it is very hard to trust in men... In everyway.... So when i knew this... I was understanding him,... But also a second thought of him being gay entered my head... I was just thinking about the posibility.. What if he is gay?? A gay in the closet that doesnt accepts him self.... I know many people like this, many friends... And i am so scared, and afraid that this could be happening to me.... I have nothing against gays... I have many gay friends, i was actually in love with one, i by accident had sex with another gay friend... Well... You know... I say all this so you get the picture that i am not a bad person, i am not a heartless insensitive person... I am just terrified cuase i dont wanna loose my boyfriend, i wanna get marry with him, and i want it to be a real relationship... I dont want a fake marriage.... I dont want him to be a silent gay, trapped in a straight life... That's all..... I dont blame him, i love him with all my heart.... And what makes me doubt about his sex orientation, is that he is a muslim.... And a muslim can not be gay... They go straight to hell... So my fear is that maybe he doesnt recognice him self as a gay, because of the religion.... If he was not that religious, not afreaid of god, and all that.... I would be more certain about what he really is and what god wants... But he does everything that god wants before what he wants.... So this is why i have the big doubt...... As i told you, i dont think or feel he is gay... I am just afraid........very afraid..... All i am asking is for help, help me to understand what happened...... Please, dont judge me... Help me to go trought this.... Help me i need help... Thats all..... I hope you can now understand me a little more..... Thank you amber.... Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.