she sleeps with me...says the right things....then nothing!

[Tyggg6]

just having a reflective day. My lady broke it off 2.5 months ago. Since then we have slept together 7 or 8 times. A couple weeks ago she was at my parents place with me (after attending a mutual friends funeral) and said things like "keep me in this room for 85 years".)

 

She talks to my mom a bunch still. some of my friends. we had a little spat before she flew to europe last week. She was talking to a guy i knew on facebook and he took it as flirting, so he told one of my best friends "she is showing a strong interest, i know (me) was your friend..what's up".

 

so my friend tells me this and gets me wasted (after me and ex spent night before and day together before she flew out)...she texted me during pre-take off and i was a wasted moron and dropped the facebook info on her..i felt VERY bad. horrible timing. Anyway. she calls my cell from germany at 5 am two days later sounding on the brink of crying saying "i'm just a flirt, it was nothing, don't worry about it. i'm not pursuing anybody. don't hate me, etc."

 

I also got an email saying "you were the only person i wanted to see before i left"...she is also trying to get me to camp with her at a festival in august.......

 

i just don't get it! i'm going with the flow and not trying to stir the pot. i just have no experience with this type of breakup.

 

ANY ADVICE or EXPERIENCE would be a great help.

 

thanks

[d1211]

stop sleeping with her!

[...John...]

couldn't of said it better myself... to me it sounds like she still cares very much for you... all your going to do is confuse her... you need to work on you, and stop worrying about her... if it is truly meant to be (btw I hate that phrase) then it will be... for now just let it be...

[orangesoda]

i always find it so amusing that people will use the 'i'm just a flirt' line when they get caught doing something inapproriate.

 

i'm willing to bet that if the roles were reversed, you'd catch hell for using that excuse.

 

personally, i think this girl's playing you. you're getting backburnered while she's seeing if the grass is greener on the other side. don't get confused just because she's sleeping with you - it doesn't mean she wants to commit. women DO use sex as a tool.

 

if i were you, i'd swallow the jagged little pill of breakup, endure the ache, then find someone who doesn't f*ck around on their boyfriends on social networking sites.

[IMAbadman]

Listen the EX sex is fun but hard to handle on your emotions. Many of us can't handle the pain associated… She's letting herself down easy and when she gets grounded and cuts you loose I'm guessing your going for a painful ride.

 

You need to figure out how to draw her to you. Slow and steady my friend. Make her what to commit to you. Easily said… very hard to do. You need to start backing off… build the attraction and mystery for yourself.

[Tyggg6]

i'm trying to draw her back in. It has been a very clean breakup. she won't disconnect and makes all these confusing comments to me and my friends (when she see's or talks to them). Whenever i see her she keeps saying "you probably already have a girlfriend" and "when that happens i don't know what i'll do" things of that nature. I am starting to think that could be what she wants me to do so this is all a little easier on her? I am not sure anymore.

 

we have never gone longer than 3 days without some form of communication. Since we resolved that stupid facebook (i HATE facebook btw) last tuesday/wednesday we have not talked in any way. I was kind of looking forward to these past 2 weeks of her being in europe so we can leave each other some room to breathe. she comes back early next week....so i am kind of interested to see how we act now...i leave for europe on august 3 for a bit myself. so i think this time is good for us both. even though when she found out i was going to europe she kept texting me saying "i am coming with you!"..obviously tongue and cheek. but thats what i have been dealing with.

 

i don't get it......and i don't think she is using me for sex..i can tell she looks forward to it...i am an average looking dude and she has done some model stuff and is 23 (i'm 26)...she and i both know..well you guys get what i mean. i think i just blew her mind the 8 months we were together. we get along VERY well. i work for myself..saved some money..took her down south..and to NYC,etc. all the other guys she dated were paranoid jealous guys..i'm not.

[IMAbadman]

So did you ever ask her where this was going?

[rokston]

Tyggg6, i would be very very careful in this situation!! She obviously cares about you but she's not in it 100% and seems like she feels that she needs to live life outside of your relationship.

 

I doubt she is using you for sex. She might not aware of using you in any way. However, there is the possibility that she is making the breakup easier on herself by keeping you in tow. Basically she gets the reassurance that you are there for her. At the same time she does not provide the same back to you. This may not be intentional but the result is the same - you end up suffering.

 

If this is a positive effort towards getting back together, you need to sit down and talk about the problems in the relationship that led to the break up and ways of fixing them. This is something that required both of you to be open about what you want and whether you feel you are getting it.

 

You could try to create the mystery etc to win her back. But I think you're coming from the weak position and thereforeee would find this difficult. Basically you know that you want to be with her and you'd be pretending that you're playing it cool. Perhaps you're strong enough to come through this unhurt but for most people that would be difficult.

 

Perhaps you should use the time she's away to have a break in communication. When she gets back if she wants to hang out etc make it fun. But it would be good to have that talk about how she sees things - just keep it lighthearted and without laying down blame for anything.

 

I don't mean to sound negative and hopefully things will work out for you. Just giving you a word of caution due to my experience. These situations can last a long long time and they are not easy. For example, my ex spent a week with me 14 months after the breakup - sex was great, she said lots of love yous and stuff that we all want to hear. But at the end of the day, we are still broken up and not a step closer to getting back together. I would not recommend being in that situation to anyone. Look at what people do, not what they say to you at random moments.

 

Good luck!

[Tyggg6]

thanks for the good advice guys.

 

to be honest, lately when we do see each other i have avoided talking about "us" stuff and have just been having fun together. I usually get two pieces of advice from friends - "be a man and walk away and ignore her" or "if you bring it up you will freak her out". So i am wary.

 

she said from the get go of the break up she doesn't want to lead me on. I don't think her or I are intentially screwing with each other. we like each other a lot..but something on her end is stopping her. She has told me since we broke up she has partied and gotten smashed almost 7 days a week and thinks she is "missing out on something" if she doesn't. She is 23 and needs a little more life experience IMO before she realizes that isn't the case.

 

Our situation is almost too perfect and when we were together she kind of let the rest of her own life drift away. even though i told her not to. the times i have put a bit of pressure on her she gets weird.

 

i am not going to contact her. i am going to feel it out with her when she gets back. she is going to want to see me. her and my mom were emailing the other day about picking something up for her in germany..my ex is the one offering to do it..always saying bye for now.. to her. its confusing as all hell.

 

i am going to stumble through the next couple weeks then fly out to europe myself. she wants to camp with me at a music festival the day before i leave. i have told her from the get go that if she is interested in anyone else or pursuing stuff, just tell me and we can cut the string....hoping she would be honest about that is probably VERY wishful thinking.

[IMAbadman]

Keep your heart sheilded...

[Tyggg6]

i have an iron cast around it....a very close friend of mine died 3 weeks ago...my emotions were so numbed because of all this it took me a week to cry thinking of my friend. she came with me to the funeral (this sounds very very bad) but i couldn't even cry then...i was numb because of all this.

[bfla]

i have an iron cast around it....a very close friend of mine died 3 weeks ago...my emotions were so numbed because of all this it took me a week to cry thinking of my friend. she came with me to the funeral (this sounds very very bad) but i couldn't even cry then...i was numb because of all this.

 

Dont feel bad. I visited my mom's grave with my grandma and I almost never cry at the cemetery because I'm not big on symbolism.

 

But I cried seeing all the old buried couples who'd been married 100 years and thinking how much I'd love to spend the rest of my life with the ex...

[ms.elisemarie]

I agree with many of the others and think that you should definitely proceed with caution. Ideally, I'd say to not have sex with her but I think that's a hard thing to say no to especially when you have feelings involved.

 

I disagree with some posters though and don't know if now is the time to be having a relationship talk. As much as we all want our exes coming to us with the intention to get back together with us, this is not always the case. There is a lot of fear involved and because of that many people need to test the waters, and approach things slowly. It's up to you to decide if you have the strength to date your ex. It's worked for people I know but it is not for the faint of heart. If at anytime you find yourself feeling like it's not for you take sometime to yourself. I also think spending less time together is good. It gives you both time to reflect on what's happening, build your own lives, miss one another, and hopefully ease back into something.

[Tyggg6]

i kind of just hit a first time wave of hating her....the guy i know that she was talking to on facebook (the one i get the brink of crying phone call from her from germany saying it is nothing).....the guy who emailed my best friend (mutual between us) to see if it's okay to try and "move in on her".......she leaves a stupid "happy birthday blah blah thing" on his profile (which of course comes in my wonderful newsfeed.)

 

now she knows he thinks that she wants him. she is saying she doesn't. i do believe her. she also has no reason to know this guy or maintain any sort of contact. i just can't believe she is that stupid....maybe i am getting pee'ed off over nothing...i just know if i was perceived as "hitting on and flirting" with one of her friends...she got creeped out by it...then i start doing it again a week later....wait..i would never do that because i am not the dumb.

 

i'm so mad. over something so stupid. she is such a selfish attention * * * * * .