Ms.Lady Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I'm very down on my luck lately and I'm quite irritated. I've been single for a long time & it's getting depressing. Not only that but I don't remember the last time a man has shown interest in me, which makes me feel ugly & undesirable. Yeah I have a social life & I have friends but I really wish I could share it with a guy. It's so boring working,school & I come home to an empty apartment. No one special to call or go on dates with. Everyday is a boring bland routine. All of my friends have these exciting lives, some getting married,some have children on the way. A lot are dating and happy. I've tried internet dating and I post pictures but I hardly get responses on myspace or whatever. I try to respond to some guys I like, I never get responses back & it makes me feel ugly. Then the guys that do show interest in me, I don't find attractive at all. Yeah sure they're nice to talk to as a friend but if I'm not physically attracted to them, there's no point in trying a relationship.It's really irritating to me. I know I sounded super shallow at the point but I hate when people tell me that I'm wrong for not giving them a chance because I don't find them attractive?? What? I have no problem hanging out with them and talking to them, but if I don't feel the chemistry what's the use. I'm not the type to look for a man with muscles and this great handsome face, no that's not me. I just wish I could find somebody that I like and I'm compatible with.. It's so hard... It's irritating to get calls from my friends talking about what they're doing with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I get tired of being the third wheels on dates and being invited just because they feel sorry for me. How about last weekend, me and a whole group of friends went bowling. Everyone brought a date except me. So it was just a very odd and depressing night for me so see everyone hugged up on somebody and yet here I am again alone... It seems like I'll be single forever... Link to comment
richmonder80 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I've tried internet dating and I post pictures but I hardly get responses on myspace or whatever. I try to respond to some guys I like, I never get responses back & it makes me feel ugly. Then the guys that do show interest in me, I don't find attractive at all. Yeah sure they're nice to talk to as a friend but if I'm not physically attracted to them, there's no point in trying a relationship... Obviously there is a hint there then...since the good looking guys dont reply back because they've found better looking women or you are not an attractive girl who is overshooting and wanting guys out of your league (per say). Also, the fact that you are judging how a person in purely on pictures is pretty lame and superficial. Maybe that could be why you are still single. Maybe it is time to change some of your perspectives. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 If you don't have to settle, why should the guys? It works both ways, doesn't it? When you give someone a chance who doesn't rock your boat at first glance, someone will do that for you. Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 If you don't have to settle, why should the guys? It works both ways, doesn't it? When you give someone a chance who doesn't rock your boat at first glance, someone will do that for you. Your missing the point, I said that I do give these people a chance and go out on dates with them but I just don't feel the spark! It's frustrating because lately I haven't been attracting people that I connect with. It isn't about looks! It's more than that. I think I'vm an attractive person because I've pulled good looking men before, it's just lately I can't seem to get attention from a guy that peaks my interest. The people that do hit me up and I don't find appealing, I GIVE THEM A CHANCE and I actually talk to them and go on dates but I feel nothing,NADA zip.. I would be wrong to go with a man I didn't feel anything for. Sure they're good as friends but nothing more... Link to comment
TheGame Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 First of all you have to know that If you feel ugly then....you are. You have to believe more to yourself and change the things you don't like. For ex. try to find if something is wrong with your appearance. Your hair Your clothes The way you walk or you talk. Don't say "That's me and I'm not gonna change" It sounds like "I don't want to get improved" Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 You're shooting out of your league or are not as attractive as you seem to believe you are. Either that or it's just a run of bad luck. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 It's more than just looks, it's "being interesting" - are you being interesting to these men you like? Personally I'd rather date someone "plainer" but who can carry a decent conversation than a hottie who talks about perez hilton or whatever. Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 You're shooting out of your league or are not as attractive as you seem to believe you are. Either that or it's just a run of bad luck. Like I've stated I'm not going for the football player type,the real muscular type, the real handsome. I like any man, I like some of them a little husky,skinny,muscles whatever. I'm not picky as to what I like.. I like all kinds of men. It's just I always seem to run into the guy I feel incompatible with lately. I can't help who I fall for so people shouldn't make me feel guilty just because I'm not attracted to those who approach me. I think I'm very attractive & like I've said I've had loads of luck in the past with guys I liked. I have attracted all kinds of men so I don't think it's because I am unattractive. It's just lately it's been a dry spell and it's so annoying.. Have I lost something important about myself.. I noticed in the past I was a lot more confident and outgoing than now... It's funny because when I was feeling the best about myself.. that's when I was attracting all kinds of men. But I've just got a major blow to my self esteem...maybe people are picking up on that... Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Like I've stated I'm not going for the football player type,the real muscular type, the real handsome. I like any man, I like some of them a little husky,skinny,muscles whatever. I'm not picky as to what I like.. I like all kinds of men. ... Sorry, was a little harsh. Well, I don't know what to say then. Where are you meeting said men? The answer to that question may help us help you. Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Sorry, was a little harsh. Well, I don't know what to say then. Where are you meeting said men? The answer to that question may help us help you. It seems like I'm only approached on the internet through sites like myspace,facebook etc. Lately I men don't seem to pay attention to me in public like they used to.. I don't know what it is.. I don't know why I crave this attention so much anyway. I know they are other things I can focus on besides a man. Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 My bad, you did mention that in the OP, I forgot. Well, my suggestion to you is to join activities like regular volunteering somewhere like once or twice a week, volleyball or other sports leagues, alumni events, church. Something where men will get to know you so that when you do meet and date men at such places, you'll have commonalities whcih will increase the chances of compatability. No guarantees of course, but better chance this way. Good luck! Link to comment
summerpeach Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I'm a pretty attractive woman, when I was single, I had a dry spell where men did not even turn to look at me where in the past men would not stop staring. I figure out out, when I gave off a positive/good vibe, men stared and asked me out. When I was not smiling and gave off a "I'm not happy and not liking myself vibe" I never got a look. It's all about the attitude not luck Link to comment
crosstownTraffic Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I think summer peach could be right, but gosh, there were certainly a lot of harsh posts there people! Have some respect. The girl is down on her luck, don't throw salt into an open wound. Pffff.. some people just love giving people a hard time on this site. I know what you are going thru Ms.Lady, cuz I'm going thru the same thing myself. It seems the longer you go without a date or a job, the more less likely you are to get a date or a job. I think it's about confidence... when you had a bf... you were all happy and things were going well, and it reflected in your attitude. Now that you've been without a bf for awhile, and trust me, there's not that many nice guys who are attractive to go around, at least not in my area either... then it's either "settle" which I also hate to do.. and it's not fair to either you or the guys you've "settled" for, or just plain go without. I think it wouldn't hurt to join some kind of league where you could meet other guys. I hate to be the odd girl out when everyone else has a date. That is pure misery. I can relate to that. Gosh, these darn website for dating.. it just seems that the beauty queens get the guys on them. the guys are so so picky, even if they are not much to speak of, I find generally. That is why I don't take much stock in internet dating. I've done it, and it's been a miserable failure and in fact, I think the internet dating is what has affected my self-esteem. I can get over some guy not looking at me in public or talkign to me after awhile. But it seems that all the effort you have to put into internet dating.. all the e-mails, the messages, etc etc..... after all that effort, and they still aren't interested... I dunno, but I think after awhile it starts to affect your self esteem negatively. why don't you try to give up the internet dating scene for awhile and maybe concentrate on real life. You can keep your profile up of course, but it seems that the watched pot never boils. I wish you good luck. You seem like a neat lady.. and it is hard to be alone all the time. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I think you need to get a life so that your view of what is "exciting" in life doesn't just include what people do on dates or in registering for china or breast pumps. Obviously those can be exciting aspects of life but there has to be more, especially if you want to find a quality guy to date - he will want to be with someone who sparkles aside from being smitten with him. I can think of small things and big things that I am passionate about or interested in that have nothing to do with having a romantic relationship. And I work on maintaining that, silly as that may sound, because I do want my own interests, activities and passions. One of the main reasons I have let certain friendships fade is because they get so wrapped up in marriage and kids we have nothing to talk about. Link to comment
luxe_13 Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 i feel your pain. i think the other posters are being a little harsh in saying you are shooting out of your league. you said not getting dates is making you feel ugly. you never said you were ugly! i also agree that if you're not attracted to someone(after meeting them of course) - why should you feel asthough you need to force a connection. you either have spark with someone or you don't imo. Sorry, I don't have much advice to give. I'm told I am gorgeous, likeable and all that stuff, but I have still been single for 4 years. All you can do is stay positive and know that it will happen eventually...and when it does it will be amazing! (and all your friends will be bored with their men by then anyway!!) I think we also need to stop thinking that just cause someone is in a r'ship that their life is necessarily better. I know it would be nice to share my life with someone but there are other things to life too.. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 I feel what your feeling you sounds like your going through what i'm going through. I have accepted i will be single till i dye sad to think like that but it's true - all my friends have met people and what makes me sick a friend came out of a long term relationship - 2 months later she has another boyfriend. This is affecting my confidence big time. I don't even want to be around people anymore. Hope you feel better soon xxxxx Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 I agree that it is much safer to have a negative attitude about remaining single -- I mean, accepting it from a negative mindset, not because you choose to be single - and to compare yourself to others who are in relationships which of course is apples and oranges but it means you don't have to put in the effort to look at what you might be doing or not doing. It seemed like for a long time, you were focusing your energies on men you met at clubs and at random places who were not looking for a relationship with you but just a fling. That's a big time waster, just like the negative attitude. It's a great -- and courageous - thing to accept being single because you love that lifestyle, but when it's done from a negative mindset then it becomes this circular issues of "I'll always be single/no one wants me/see, those guys I met over the last year only wanted sex with me." Since the common denominator is you, I would look carefully at whether, because you're so negative, you give off vibes that attract those who see an easy mark for sex, rather than someone they are inspired to get to know for the whole package. I might be wrong but from reading your threads that was what it suggested to me was going on. Fortunately, it can be changed - but it takes your work and effort which I think you had started to focus on in the past few months, right? It's probably not going to be a straight line of change attitude leading to perfect relationship for you - it often requires one step forward two steps back (because again your mindset lets you be passive and negative, which is very comfy and requires no work on your part) -- but once you start regularly giving out confident vibes, a presense that is consistent with your words (that you're looking for a relationship), then you'll start attracting those types of people more often. Link to comment
crosstownTraffic Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 BATYA, I THINK this is the most encouraging post I've read from you in awhile, at least the part in quotes, "Since the common denominator is you, I would look carefully at whether, because you're so negative, you give off vibes that attract those who see an easy mark for sex, rather than someone they are inspired to get to know for the whole package. I might be wrong but from reading your threads that was what it suggested to me was going on. Fortunately, it can be changed - but it takes your work and effort which I think you had started to focus on in the past few months, right? It's probably not going to be a straight line of change attitude leading to perfect relationship for you - it often requires one step forward two steps back (because again your mindset lets you be passive and negative, which is very comfy and requires no work on your part)" -- but once you start regularly giving out confident vibes, a presense that is consistent with your words (that you're looking for a relationship), then you'll start attracting those types of people more often. But, you must understand, it's very difficult to be confident when you've met with nothing but failure for months on end. What must one do to give off a confident air? I too, would love to be in a relationship.... but always seem to attract guys who just either are smitten with me, I'm not attracted to.... or just want that short term fling type of thing... I dunno... I'm not trying to be negative or anything with you Batya, what you are suggesting makes good sense, just wondering on who to achieve that confidence that attracts guys who want a Girlfriend per se, as opposed to just a FWB or a casual fling thing. Any ideas? I too, am starting to serious think I'll be alone forever since it's been awhile since I had a boyfriend. Link to comment
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