Well, we just broke up

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

So long story short, I was with a girl who I loved dearly; we were together for 10 months, but she felt she wasn't in love with me despite telling me for the past 6 months that she did and was in love with me. Obviously it hit me hard when she finally explained that she wasn't in love with me, but still felt she wanted to be with me. It confused me, but left me very heartbroken. She wanted to set particular "conditions" to our relationship, such as not being allowed to tell each other we love each other for a few years.

 

I tried to go on in the relationship, and somewhat convince myself that maybe I can do this. But the heartache just grew and grew, and no matter how much I try and put accross my feelings, she didn't want to hear it.

 

So the only other alternative was to break up, and move on. I feel that being single will build me up again, and eventually I'll meet a woman who can give me back equally what I put into a relationship, instead of it being a one sided fight.

 

Any suggestions what to do from here?

 

 

Thanks

[IMAbadman]

You sound like you've got it pretty well held together and your mind is in the right place. Take some time for yourself and learn from this past relationship.

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

Yeah, but that's what I find most disturbing about relationship breakups, the fact that you as a human being become so accustomed to being emotionally attached to someone then within a few minutes or hours; it all ends. You're then stuck thinking about how to prioritise your emotions from this point on, you begin to think about all what you and your ex went through and it all comes rushing back.

 

But I know in my heart that for both our best interests, this was the right thing to do. She still can't understand why I feel this way, which obviously shows ignorance and lack of understanding of me not just as someone who loves her, but as another human being. She assumes that everything will be ok because she sets boundaries or conditions, because SHE WANTS them. I'm not going to fight a losing battle because I deserve better, I'm not going to stay in a relationship constantly being disrespected when I've given it my all, a relationship needs equality. Without equality, trust, love and respect, it's just a standalone friendship that is slowly heading to its doom.

 

Eventually one person gets tired of trying and trying, they finally realise that their efforts have gone in vein and eventually, no matter how much they love the person; they just give up. That is all I can do, because no matter what I say, how I say how I feel to her; nothing will change. I can't force her to be in love with me, and that's exactly what's caused the end of my relationship. The fact that I have been played like a puppet.

[Roaks]

My friend, I know all too well exactly what you are feeling and going through. I have split with my girlfriend a week ago after a ten month relationship.

The relationship had its bumps and I knew early on there were communication/conflict resolution problems. We were both not young and grew up in different parts of the U.S. and different cultures.

I suggested some communication/conflict resolution counseling so we could better the relationship as both professed love for the other and neither wanted to end the relationship.

After three sessions, she decided it was counterproductive to our relationship because the counselor saw my side easily enough and my girlfriend didn't like it. She had to be right about it all. I guess she felt she had "lost". I'll not get into it too much here unless you would want me to do that. But in response to what you said about in a few minutes or hours it ends. Here is what happened with me.

We had a wonderful weekend. On Saturday, she professed her love so many times I can't remember. Do you know how much I love you?, over and over. Sunday was great. Monday morning, I leaned over and kissed her good-bye as she slept and off to work I went.

She called me around noon and told me how much she missed me. Less than an hour later, we were finished. Now, how much since does that make? How can you love a person, want to marry, want to live together one day and then never speak with them again? We have not had contact sense. Funny thing is yesterday was her birthday. We were going on a trip I was trying to plan for her that last day we spoke. It was a birthday present.

Right now, I am going from emotion to emotion, sadness, anger, grief, all the ones I know I will feel. What I can never understand is the ability to love a person one minute and then say good-bye the next. I can't turn off my feelings like that.

I know all too well what you are going through. I can tell you this. From past experience, it will pass. I know that. It doesn't ease the pain but sooner or later, life will go on without the feelings you and I have now. For now, I will go get ready and go to the gym where I will get a workout. It will not cure my bad feelings but will take my mind away for a while and help me go forward. If you have something you like to do, a sport or hobby, try getting with it. If not, find something you have never done before but have thought of doing and give it a try. I might go skydiving this weekend. Always wanted to but never did it. I can assure you, for at least a while, my mind will not be on what went wrong. I don't recommend this to you necessarily as it is my own way of dealing with my pain.

I wish you the best my friend. I'd like to sit and cry with you and maybe in a way, by sharing here, this is what we are doing. Feel free to communicate with me if you want. Good luck.

[drewciouS281]

sounds like you got it down man. this little girl sounds controlling and nobody should be in a one sided relationship. it damages a persons mental well being and strength. Just live life. your very young so the chances of this lasting werent likely anyway. 98 percent of my friends that stayed and married thier highschool sweetheart ended up getting a divorce. people need to live life, date around and find who they are single! good luck!

[Roaks]

sounds like you got it down man. this little girl sounds controlling and nobody should be in a one sided relationship. it damages a persons mental well being and strength. Just live life. your very young so the chances of this lasting werent likely anyway. 98 percent of my friends that stayed and married thier highschool sweetheart ended up getting a divorce. people need to live life, date around and find who they are single! good luck!

 

Very well put. Good advice. In my case, she wanted me in her life on her terms alone. No one should have to live in a relationship where there is not compromise, give and take, with the emphasis being more on giving. It was her way or the highway. Also in my case, she was very controlling and manipulating. It was obvious and a good friend detected it quickly. You couldn't be more correct in that it does damage a persons mental well being and strength. After a while, you begin to think of yourself as weak. You start looking at yourself in the mirror and think, why am I putting up with this? You begin to feel bad about yourself. For me, that decision was very hard. I loved her very much, was in love with her, and tried to overlook faults thinking, no one is perfect. But you have to make a decision when it comes to your mental well being. If a significant other is not contributing to boosting well being, mentally and physically, sooner or later a decision will have to be made. I don't consider that a "fault" to be overlooked. In my case, it was very hard because I as I said, I was very much in love with her. her.

[arcadefire]

Pushedaside: Your story is very similar to mine. I myself was put in a dilemma where I have to decide after a 6 month relationship whether or not to continue it. I told my then boyfriend that I loved him and he confessed to me that he did not love me back. Completely shattered my poor heart.

 

So I had to decide, should I stick it out? Hope I can evoke love within him? I just wanted to hear those three words, you know? In the end after talking with many friends, family, and asking myself just what I wanted from this relationship, I ended it with him. It was one-sided, myself giving everything, and I believe that by that timeframe if you didn't feel more than a liking for that person you won't build anymore (or they've just put up a wall purposely so there's no use in even trying).

 

If I were in your shoes, which I was, I would ask yourself what you want. If you want someone to love you as much as you love them, you will and can find it in someone else.

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

Thankyou very much for your replies, everyone

 

It hurts but it has to be done, there is no other way around it. I'm not going to be in a relationship where I'm getting nothing but a kick in the neck each time I open up. A relationship is about equality, without it there's no certainty that it can continue. Each and every human being deserves to be loved by the person they love back, but no human deserves to have their heart shattered to pieces after putting in 10 months of their life to a person they thought they had a future with, I know myself fully. I know I deserve to be loved by someone that I love, and it will happen eventually; no worries about that. For now, I just need to move on with my life and enjoy myself, life is too short to dwell on the past.

 

Thankyou everyone