Gingerstar Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Is anyone else like this? I've always had a horrible self-image. I don't think I'm ugly but I just am so disgusted by my imperfections. I don't want to get naked in front of my husband, make love with the lights on or change in front of him. I won't wear a swimsuit or walk around in my underwear. He always wants to take showers together but I refuse. I feel horrible about depriving him He is understanding but it frustrates him. we make love only in dim lighting. The things I hate about my body are my flabbyness. I'm not fat but not toned at all. I have cellulite, strecth marks from when I gained/lost weight, (I know all of this will get even worse after I have a baby) and I'm kinda hairy (mexican). I feel gross even though he constantly is all over me telling me how beautiful I am. How can I get past this? Link to comment
Jizzle Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 your husband obviously loves you for who you are... what you look like doesnt worry him.. its just a lil insecurity... take it one step at a time... everytime before you have sex, turn the light on more etc... try something different... Link to comment
Gingerstar Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 he's just always saying how hot I am, but I figure if he sees what I look like walking around naked in broad daylight he'll be like ew, she doesn't look that way when were in dimmed lighting. I know he'll still love me, but I'm afraid he'll be less attracted to me. I see girls that have perfect even color skin, smooth skin, no flab, or celulite or stretch marks and I'm thinking that's pretty, not me. Link to comment
Gia81 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 honestly...what help me is a glass or 2 of wine. your insecurites will be down for that special night..and hey dr's say a glass of wine is good for you. Dont take it too far and become and alcoholic over it, but one glass will make you feel better, try it ;o) Link to comment
Brittney2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I used to be like that but I've come to realise that its just plain ridiculous. Your husband is with you because he loves you and your body included. It not only puts a damper on the mood for the evening but its going to start to put a damper on your relationship. Why should he always have to reassure you that your beautiful and sexy and blah blah blah? Its a turn off when someones so insecure. You KNOW he's attracted to you and loves you. Sorry if I seem harsh but learn to love your body and be confident for your man. And BTW I'm not skinny. You don't have to be to feel confident and to feel comfortable in your own skin. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Your body is your body and you should learn to love it...cellulite and all. If you look around you nobody has a perfect body..even skinny people have flaws which they are uncomfortable about. Most men do not have perfect bodies...they can have stomach flab and chunky thighs. We all have insecurities but you can't let it get to the point where it is putting a damper on your life...and feeling awkward and ashamed in front of your husband will, over time, put a big damper on your relationship. Link to comment
sharsachan Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 when it gets down to it, if YOU don't love you, you'll never feel comfortable letting anyone else see you. nearly all of us will never have those perfect AIRBRUSHED bodies that you see in movies and TV. you dont have to be skinny to be pretty, you don't have to be toned for someone to find you attractive. your husband loves you, all of you. so you must have beauty there. but you have to learn that even if you aren't this or that or whatever, you can be beautiful. you have to love yourself. because no one wants to display something they think is ugly or unsatisfactory. i have horrible stretch marks from my pregnancy. i'm not impressed with them but my husband still thinks i'm beautiful, regardless of the pink lines or flabby ab muscles left over. he's already married you, chances are that he's in it for more than just the skinny blonde on his arm, so to speak. Link to comment
hardcharger Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 you have to get rid of those bad thougt. first, myself and many other men like a bit of flabbyness, maybe that is why he married. fortunately my wife, although her body is far from perfect, is no shy at all about being naked in front of me, and that's great! Link to comment
Gingerstar Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 thanks everyone. I'd like to hear more male opinions on this. Honestly men, when your wife/girlfriend gets naked (and has some of the flaws I mentioned) do you ever get grossed out and wish she looked better?? Link to comment
nicky8989 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 thanks everyone. I'd like to hear more male opinions on this. Honestly men, when your wife/girlfriend gets naked (and has some of the flaws I mentioned) do you ever get grossed out and wish she looked better?? i asked my boyfriend this when we first started getting physical...and he said not at all. He said girls that are all perfect intimidate some guys... Link to comment
freeindeed Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I'm curious to know some honest male perspective on this as well. I think there's so many women (myself included) that believe that a guy will get turned off by cellulite, flab, etc... but I think Dr. Oz said on Oprah that guys really don't care about that stuff at all. A naked body is a naked body Link to comment
Gingerstar Posted July 11, 2008 Author Share Posted July 11, 2008 I'm curious to know some honest male perspective on this as well. I think there's so many women (myself included) that believe that a guy will get turned off by cellulite, flab, etc... but I think Dr. Oz said on Oprah that guys really don't care about that stuff at all. A naked body is a naked body exactly. but males have been so conditioned by the world and p0rn,magazines,clebrites. that you'd think they'd be grossed out by those flaws that "real" women have. I think it's because we think out stretch marks, cellulite and flab are so gross, we think they will too. Any opinions men??? Link to comment
woebegone Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 Sorry, I'm not a guy, but I will give you my guy's opinion. I'm a few pounds overweight and I do have stretchmarks in all the wrong places, but I still love my body and flaunt it! He loves this. He loves my chubby arms, my bubble butt, and everything else, because that is what makes me ME. Pointing out your own flaws will only turn him off. Love your body. It's the only one you have. Enjoy it! The more you do, the more he will, guaranteed. P.S. Not all guys have been conditioned by porn and magazines. In fact I would bet most haven't. It's a silly notion us women have. Trust me, they would rather have real women. Link to comment
bertdru Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Maybe I am not the right person because I am a virgin. But I am actually attracted towards flab. But whatever the case may be, I think it is ridiuculous that you should feel this way. So you are telling me, that a guy who you are going to marry is going to care about the little imperfections on your body? If he stuck long enough to want to get married, then why would he be disgusted at this? Come on!!](*,) I have a complex too(because I am fat). But I am not the one getting married. You met the right guy, don't blow it. Link to comment
hers Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Sorry, I'm not a guy, but I will give you my guy's opinion. I'm a few pounds overweight and I do have stretchmarks in all the wrong places, but I still love my body and flaunt it! He loves this. He loves my chubby arms, my bubble butt, and everything else, because that is what makes me ME. Pointing out your own flaws will only turn him off. Love your body. It's the only one you have. Enjoy it! The more you do, the more he will, guaranteed. P.S. Not all guys have been conditioned by porn and magazines. In fact I would bet most haven't. It's a silly notion us women have. Trust me, they would rather have real women. Compltely agree here! I am a little bit fleshy, but I really like my body. My breasts sag (and I'm only 25 with no kids!) and I hate it, so I won't let my boyfriend watch me get dressed or something. He said to him they don't sag at all, and in fact he called them perky! Now I'm not so embarrassed. I told him I want to lypo out my chunky thighs and he said I couldn't b/c it wouldn't match my cushioned butt and he likes the meat! So no matter what YOU think about your body, I'm nearly 100% positive that your guy is NOT thinking the same thing. And like the above person said, if you point out the flaws, it'll probably just turn him off. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 thanks everyone. I'd like to hear more male opinions on this. Honestly men, when your wife/girlfriend gets naked (and has some of the flaws I mentioned) do you ever get grossed out and wish she looked better?? I actually had a gf that I was grossed with when she was naked. She reminded me of Godzilla with her fat legs and butt. Oh, and she always thought that baggy clothes will hide it (I mean, really - when you wear baggy clothes, it's obvious you're hiding something). Since she wasn't willing to do anything about it, but still talking how she can't find a decent dress that will fit her size and still overeating a lot of cakes & stuff, it really started to annoy me so I dumped her. Link to comment
Gingerstar Posted July 13, 2008 Author Share Posted July 13, 2008 I actually had a gf that I was grossed with when she was naked. She reminded me of Godzilla with her fat legs and butt. Oh, and she always thought that baggy clothes will hide it (I mean, really - when you wear baggy clothes, it's obvious you're hiding something). Since she wasn't willing to do anything about it, but still talking how she can't find a decent dress that will fit her size and still overeating a lot of cakes & stuff, it really started to annoy me so I dumped her. see.....guys do notice..... Link to comment
stella777 Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 see.....guys do notice..... ok honey, I have the same problem as you! I dont find myself very attractive because of my skin, stretch marks and etc. And yes,guys will notice them and they may not get impressed by them. But I figured out that your confidence and sexuality is far more important for most guys. I had a hard time getting naked in front of my ex which made him mad, and he said to me that flaws aren't the ones that turn me off but your lack of self confidence is the one that does that! with my current bf I dont care about these stuff ( I'm still self conscious though) that much and I am happy with being more confident, I enjoy my life more and seems he likes it and gets turned on by it! So plz be confident and sexy and I am sure he will love it! and if some guys dont like to see your naked body, well why the hell should you care, you are with your husband not them! Have fun and enjoy your body Link to comment
Tethys Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 Yes, but Pegasus said he was grossed out by her and he dumped her. Your husband married you, so he is attracted to you. No, men do not expect air-brushed perfection, and if one does, then he is not very bright because no one looks like the model in the magazine. Everyone, even models, have flaws. Unless you are seriously overweight, I don't think you should worry. Maybe start slow, taking showers by candlelight, and work from there. I swear, if I obsessed over every tiny flaw on my body, I would never be naked, not even by myself. And remember -- your husband has flaws too! Work on being flawed and naked together. I'm not saying you have to get nude under bright lighting. Bright lighting isn't flattering to anyone, ever. Just take it slow and reveal more and more... your husband likes your body or he wouldn't be pressuring you to see more of it! Link to comment
AmIafool Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 A lot of the stuff you mentioned you were unhappy about - you can definitely do something about, like getting more toned. NO a lot you can do about stretch marks, but I think vitamin E or Vitamin K lotion might be good for that. But do it for you, to help your own confidence. It sounds like your husband is totally satisfied with the way you look; it doesn't sound like he's complaining at all!! You're only 24 - I suspect you are being really hard on yourself. You have to remember that the pictures you see in magazines are now only airbrushed, they're also photoshopped. You are probably comparing yourself to those images and coming out the loser in your mind. The comment about confidence making you sexy is very true when it comes to guys. My bf spent quite a bit of time explaining this to me at the beginning of our relationship, because I was quite shy about being naked in front of him. We have taken showers together, but I still get a bit self-conscious about that, too. We have to remember our men like our bodies, regardless of what we ourselves don't like about them. I also have stretch marks from a major weight gain during the 8th grade, (I'm 40 now) and the most obvious ones are on my boobs. But you know, that's one of my bf's favorite body parts on me. He's seen them in full daylight, and is definitely not repulsed. Link to comment
DolphinBoy Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 ok I'm a guy and I WAS married for like many years, anyway, my ex started doing EXACTLY what you are doing, stop, and love him regardless, you MUST learn to love yourself, get some friends, get out, go have fun fall in love with yourself again and let him love on you. Dolphin Link to comment
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