My Aunt is so selfish and non-caring...

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long story short, my mom passed away last year due to cancer. She did not even smoke.. so it was pretty rough, seeing her be so sick. And she died like only 2 months after we first found out, that her cancer was terminal.

 

She had a younger sibling, a sister, whom she spoiled rotten all her life. My mom would do ANYTHING for her sister, who lived like a queen, since her husband was quite wealthy.

 

Well, 2 days after finding out my mum had cancer, I called her house and her sister answered. My aunt is a bit of a nutcase to say the least, and she's very self-centered. My cousin has even told me that she's bipolar.. which I can well imagine is true.

 

Anyway, after talking to my mom, her sister gets on the phone, all angry at me, and says, "you cannot believe how sick your mom is!" Like it's all my fault that my mom has cancer!!!

 

I knew full well, just how sick my mom was, cuz my own brother told me only 2 days before mom had cancer and it was terminal. However, my aunt, being the wack-job she is, says to me, "I don't ever want to talk to you again!" and hangs up the phone on me.

I called back there twice, and twice she hung up on me.

 

You can well imagine, how flaggerghast and hurt I was to have my only aunt say that to me. I badly wanted to go see my mom while she was so sick, but knowing how hateful my aunt can be, and all the stress and conflict my aunt would cause, I didn't dare go up to see my mom until my aunt had left.

By then, even though I was torn to shreds over what to do.. and knowing that if i went there, it would be like a war zone....

Cuz my aunt is the more stubborn, spoiled person on the face of the earth.

Little did she care, that I was torn apart over my mom dying.. she just wanted to spend the time alone with her sister, and couldn't care less how she treated my mom's children!

Even my brother, who lived close by to my mom, said dealing with my aunt was 100 times worse than dealing with see mom so sick and dying!

I can well understand, cuz I know what she's like too.

 

Well, now, I must go up there and try to go thru the house and pick out the stuff I wanted, cuz the house has finally gone thru probate.

Of course, though the utilities bills have been paid, the guy who's running the estate has refused to turn on the a/c unit in the house, and it's been in the 90s many many times since the summer started.

 

I'm actually afraid to drive up there, for I fear the house will be well over 100 degrees when I get there, and we have like a 4 day drive ahead of us.

 

I have written the guy running the estate a letter asking him to turn on the air conditioner for me.. but he's been nothing but a horribly cruel to me since my mom died. He actually started screaming at me at the top of his lungs when I went up there last, since I did not contact his office.

The strange thing is, he lives right accross the street from my mom's house and could easily go over there and turn on the air conditioner for me.

 

he actually told me, a few months back, he didn't care what happened to me, and my welfare was none of his concern! This is a guy who's known my family and me for decades now... but he's completely apathetic to our plight.

He even threatened to take my mom's cat to the pound, even though it was stipulated in the will my mom's drafted that he find a home for the cat with some animal resuce league.

 

 

I asked my aunt to call the man, but all she could say to me was, "I'll think about it!" some friend, huh?

 

It really does not seem to matter to her if I get heat stroke, nor did it matter to her that I was in agony wondering how my mom was doing while she was dying, meanwhile she claims she will never talk to me again (my aunt, that is) while I'm going thur the worst experience in my life!

Some family huh? My brother hates her now.. and I must say I cannot blame him!!

 

I dont' know what to do. other than spend ANOTHER motel bills (and I'm broke) and go in there and turn on the a/c and then spend a night in a motel..

I don't want to do that though, as gas is like $4.25 a gallon and I can barely make ends meet as it is...

I just want some moral support here. I have not made this drive in years, and I cannot get any of my friends to join me, as it would force them to take a few weeks off from work, which none of them can afford to do.

 

I'm really scared to go up there and try to enter the house. I don't even know if any of the lights are on there.

[healthseeker]

You need to be good to yourself. I have no idea if what I am about to say is good advice or not. It was my first thought upon reading your post, so I am going with it. I, too, come from a pretty messed up family and can relate to chaos, guilt and misdirected anger.

 

The thing I got coming from you is fear. You sound like your aunt and this other guy have the ability to tell you what to do. I have no idea if you do, in fact, have any legal control. But, you have your dignity and no one can take that from you. It is not your fault that your mother got sick...your aunt had to throw hate some direction, huh? (She sounds so similar to my sister, who has narcissistic personality disorder...look it up and see if it fits.) Why did you and your brother not say..."we are having a hard time with this too...and it is not our fault...please do not be so negative around mom." Maybe, if she was like my sis, she CANNOT be wrong and it would have made things worse? And as for the guy...when he screams, you need to stand up for yourself..."I get that I am not your responsibility, but this is my mother's home and all I am asking is for humane treatment. I need to be able to breathe when I go through these memories. Is that too much to ask?" He would look like a fool to argue. Sounds like your aunt has gotten to him too? What reason does he have to be so angry? I would go and turn on the air for a couple of hours and let it cool down while your go eat or something.

 

I am not trying to get you to fight. But, I am trying to get you to stand up for yourself. They will not run over you so much if you do. There is a way to handle people like this without screaming...it has taken me years to figure it out. You conduct yourself wit the utmost class and respect. Not snooty-patooty...just carry yourself as if you know exactly what you want and expect...with your head high. Fake it if you have to! It gets easier and easier. If they yell, do not yell back....get a small smirk like you think they are acting childish and answer firmly and calmly. Let them see who has more class! You will speak volumes without saying much...it sends off signals! Be good to yourself!!! You need to heal and their cruelty doesn't need to add to what you are already going through.

 

Any chance your brother can meet you there? Please post and let us know how you are doing.

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Could someone please respond to this post. I really need some help and encouragement.

I talked to my stupid aunt again, and again she refused to talk to the guy handling my folk's estate, saying that she didn't think it was "reasonable enough" to have him go turn on the air conditioner, even though I stressed i was driving almost 900 miles to get up tho the house and having to take 3 days to do it ALONE!

What a witch my aunt is!! No wonder my brother never talks to her anymore.

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well, thanks for responding it really means alot.. Yeah, I'm not worry about my dignity, I'm worried about my HEALTH!

I already got heat stroke once this summer and it took about 10 days to recover. I cannot afford to lose that amount of time, when I have a limited amount to get their and get things done.

I have already sent the estate dude a letter.. Who knows if he will even read it, read it and laugh, or just go into another tirade. I was talking to a guy about this estate dude, who is a bit familiar with the law and stuff, and he suggests I get someone else to do the estate.

Since it already went thru probate though, the house and all, not sure if that is possible, but seeing as he lives accross the street and thinks is OK to scream at someone at the TOP of his lungs, when he KNOWS their mom has just died from lung cancer, does not scream volumes that he has any compassion in his body at all, does it?

 

You know.. all this time, I've been trying to find a website that gives some moral support to peopel who's loved ones have died and they are dealign with all the hassles of probate court and all the crap that comes after your loved one has died.... It's so much stress.

 

Coupled with the fact that this estate dude has known my family for decades, is just not only astounding but appalling to me!! I'm want to complain to the state about this guy, but first I just want to get the house in order.. before lodging a complaint and having him start all sort of trouble for me.

So.. you think my aunt might have talked to him, and convinced him to be saucy and rude to me?

 

You know.. you could well be right, cuz before my mom died, this guy was the height of consideration to me! I just cannot understand why the sudden switch of attitude from polite-respectful to downright rude and belligent and full of contempt for me!

But.. you don't know my aunt. She's the most manipulative, deceitful, convincing person on the face of the earth.

 

She'd convince my parents to do all sorts of things that they did not think was in their best interest, but she's relentless.

 

I hate her guts.. when I think of it.. She's ruined my relationship between my parents and me several years ago with all her screwed up, lying antics!

 

that is the way she operates. Her own children did not even tell her when their first born child was born, she was divorced from her husband when they were just young adolescents......Whereas my parents were married until one died... they never thought about getting a divorce....

So.. I find that a bit telling.....that my aunt's 1st born son doesn't tell her she's got a grandchild at first.

 

Actually my brother does not live too far from the house.

The weird thing was.. when the house did go thru probate the attorney insisted it would be okay if my cousin's wife,my aunt's daughter in law, helped me or went thru the house to see if there was anything they wanted or could "help" me, even though they never even bothered to send me a sympathy card when mom died, or had any contact with me in 10 years!!!

 

Well, geez, my folks did not even leave them anything in the will, cuz they I think they borrowed some money from my dad, and then never bothered to pay it back!

It's all screwed up.. trust me, my family is like some twisted soap opera....

My own brother used to say it was like coming to the house of the demented or something, dealing with our family, and he was right!!

 

Anyway. .i love my brother to death, but I sent him a postcard asking him to turn on the a/c and a letter, and made a call to his cell, and he's not even bothered to answer me back.

 

I know what this is about.. My aunt always talks dirt bout my brother's wife..and has since he married her, which i don't think it's fair. He married later in life and I was thrilled he finally found someone, cuz my brother was not the "lady's man" type of guy.

 

However, they seem very happy with each other and have been married now for almost 15 years.. still... my aunt has created so many problems in my family and yet, My parents did her so so many favors all thruought their lives, the one favor I ask her.. so I can be safe.. she doesn't think is "reasonable".

 

 

Gawd, give me a break.....

I feel like writing her a letter and telling her to JUST NOT CONTACT ME anymore!

Grrrrr... i couldn't even see my mom until she was like in her last 2 weeks of life, due to my aunt's selfish behavior.

 

But your suggest to the estate guy is good. I may well write that down and fax it to him. Then if I end up dead due to heat stroke, the court has some kind of record I asked for help & he wouldn't do it!

But thanks for replying to my message. I'm taking my computer with me, and god willing, if I survive.. at least I got this place for some moral support. I'm surely going to need it.

Yeah, I am afraid..No one is there to help me!

 

People were so cold to me when I went there last, no one would hardly even speak to me, except my neighbor next door.

She's nice, but she'll talk your ear off for hours at a time, and i just don't have the time to spend hanging out with her.

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Healthseeker, you asked me this question, "Why did you and your brother not say..."we are having a hard time with this too...and it is not our fault...please do not be so negative around mom." Maybe, if she was like my sis, she CANNOT be wrong and it would have made things worse?"

 

It wouldn't have done any good, she would of gone into a even worse tirade. Like I said, TWO DAYS after I find out my mom has cancer, my aunt tells me, that I just don't know how sick she is (how could i not know.. my brother and I speak the same language, lol, for crying out loud!!) and that she never wants to talk to me again!!

i'm her ONLY daughter... and the youngest.. does my aunt not think I'm upset at my mom's dying???

 

Gosh, all she ever did was use my mom.. when my granddad was sick, it was my mom who went and took care of him..... My aunt was out taking vacations to Europe with her rich husband and really was not there for my mom. She could of flown to where we lived and helped my mom out, did she? No way!

 

I really feel like telling my aunt off, I've have had enough of her crap! My poor brother, I'm sure he wanted to, or probably did say something ot my aunt about not being so hateful.....

My brother is pretty mellow though, and when you have someone so so sick, the last thing you want to do is create drama around that person.. that is so unhealthy for them.

 

But my aunt didn't even care how awful she treated me and my brother.

 

The last day she was there, my brother and her got into a huge argument. I know my brother well, lol.. I bet he wanted to argue with her the first day, but was just holding his mud for mom's sake!

 

Poor guy.. and he works for himself too, he's not got some cushy 9-5 job where they paid him to take time off from work.. he went for like 2-3 months with no income!

Then my aunt starts fussing at him saying well, you don't have a family... (what is his wife??) what do you have to worry about??

 

Course her husband was very wealthy, I'm sure she made sure she was well set up when she divorced him. How could she not be? She lives in a foreign country. How do you afford to move out of the country if you are destitute??

No.. my aunt has been a little spoiled brat her entire life. She never even worked when she was married. I don't even know if she has ever worked honestly... but she's older now..

I guess that now she is older, we somehow owe her respect! What a crock.. she never us any respect when we were growing up.. and we weren't rich by any stretch of the imagination. My parents worked hard all their lives, now the house is probably falling apart from being closed up all winter!!