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Falling in and out of love


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So one of my female friends been having serious trouble in her relationship. She told me that she fell out of love with him, and honestly at this point, she can't change the way she feels. She feels nothing for him except friendship. They were engaged at one point, but she called it off.


So, I got a question for the women. If a woman falls out of love with a guy and she can't change the way she feels, how likely that she'll fall back in love with the guy?

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I'd say it'd be highly doubtful unless either:


They take a break and try again




Something drastic happens that reminds them why they feel in love



Meh, they've been together for four years, had problems in the last two. I think the relationship has hit rock bottom at this point. I doubt a break can fix this.


I doubt anything drastic will happen either, unless he suddenly becomes the perfect guy for her. Which won't happen, I mean he is 30 years old, what you see, is what you get.

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She can't change him, but she can change herself. That's really the bottom line in the whole "should we break up or not?" question. He doesn't have any control whatsoever in the amount that she loves him, only she does. Loving someone means wanting to nurture their spiritual growth and happiness and only wanting the same in return from your partner. If she can't nurture happiness and growth in him and can't accept that from him either, then she should leave.


There is no "perfect man".

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I personally don't believe that you can fall out of love. If you "fall out" of it, it wasn't really love. It's been hard for me to stomach my own beliefs lately since the guy I've been in a relationship for 4 years now and I have broken up. I do love him and that will never change, what changed was his tolerance for us not getting to see each other.

In your friend's case I would say that its best for her and him to take a long break. If one feels she is no longer in love with the other chances are that won't change. Like previously stated, her feelings probably won't change.

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I really think that in the first few years falling out of love in means for most women - falling out of lust. Thats not to say its better or worse but a long term relationship means dealing with that at some point or another. You can either try look at the person in a new light and find that love/lust for them all over again, change your perspective on what love is, or you can pity yourself for "loosing" it and/or leave.


While I do think love is often magical, it is not itself magic. It takes work to find attraction in anyone after a few years and the harder life gets the harder you often have to look.

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