lovebunny Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I had been chatting with a guy online and we tried to meet for months, but schedules always off (we are both musicians for one thing). I told him on a Tues I was going to be in his area the coming weekend and asked if he wanted to meet. I told him I wasn't sure if it would be Fri-Sat or Sun. He wrote back Wed and said to let him know when I was going to be around and that Sat night he had a gig and he had some other stuff planned. I wrote back that night and said I would let him know and also asked where his gig was and said I had one also Sat and noted the town it was in. He never responded. How would you have reacted/felt about his lack of response? Would you have felt inclined to still let him know when you were going to be around... or said something about the fact he never responded when you did let him know? Is it weird/rude he never responded? I saw he had logged onto his MySpace page everyday. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Sounds like you are the one who left him hanging a bit with telling him you would let him know, only three days before the weekend. He probably was waiting for you to confirm. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Batya's right. In your last email to him you said that you would let him know which day you would be around and you never did. Link to comment
lovebunny Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 My last email to him was the one I asked him where his gig was. I thought his lack of response was a foreshadowing of him blowing me off (we've had a few cyber falling outs in t he 4 months we've been communicating). The following are our exchanges. Also, he had asked me to meet when he was in my area about 2 weeks previous (below the recent). I wasn't sure he really wanted to follow thru though by the way he made it all sound very busy and rushed.... so I declined. Tues Me: I might be in (town) this weekend (Fri night - Sat afternoon... or Sun). Still inclined to meet? Wed Him: Let me know when you'll be around. I'm doing a gig Sat, some other schtuff planned Me: Will do. Where's your gig? I'm playing Sat too... (town). (no response for 4 days.. but he had logged into his MySpace account everyday) Sat I called him but he didn't pick up and I didn't leave a message. I only called him once before in the 4 months we've communicated online because he asked me to. Then I emailed him: Me: (name), I am planning to go to (town) tomorrow. Not sure if you're still interested in meeting... particularly based on your lack of response to my previous email. Can you let me know either way so I can plan accordingly. Him: Hmmm.lack of response? I seem to recall I replied and asked to let me know when, between Friday and Sunday, you'd be in (town). That being said, I have plans tomorrow afternoon and eve. Hope your gig tonight is good. I'm playing bass at the (club) in (town)! Me: I was referring to the email I sent Wed asking where your gig was. I will be in (town) beyond tomorrow... but sounds like the truth of the matter is you're not very interested. OK... thanks for letting me know. (no contact from him for over a week now... although we have gone up to 2 weeks) ______________________________________________ 2 weeks previous.............. Fri Him: Think I might be going to (town) Monday night. Sun Me: Is that an invitation to meet? Mon late afternoon (he sent it to an email account he knows I don't check that often) Him: If we both have time and you don't mind me in migrant farm worker mode. Scruffy. Going to be in (town) at 7, God willing. Talking about some business for a little while, then have to hightail back to check on dog. In btwixt is a possibility depending on where you are. Me: Sounds pretty harried and uncertain. I'll pass. Him: Well, we wouldn't want to stress you out. Me: I meant too harried for YOU given what you already have scheduled. But come to think of it... maybe I'll get a massage after I go rollerblading tonight. Him: Pity. My strong suit. Me: Yeah... you probably have those giant soft Leo lion paws, huh? Puuuuurrrrrr Well.. maybe we can shoot for another time. Do you rollerblade BTW? (no response; I wrote him again 2 days later.... and also let him know I had a gig coming up - which he always asks about - he never said whether or not he'd show and didn't. It was 10 days later I told him I was going to be in his neck of the woods... ) Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Why are you so hung up on this? Do you still want to keep in touch with him? If YES...call him, leave a message and ask him. If NO...stop thinking about it and do not contact him. What is your goal? Link to comment
lovebunny Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 I would like to stay in touch and meet him, yes. But I'm afraid to contact him again. Was it so wrong of me to be a little pissed off because he never responded to my 2nd email asking where his gig was?? I mean * * * ??? You're supposed to be meeting someone in a few days for the first time... and they blow off answering a simple question??? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I would like to stay in touch and meet him, yes. But I'm afraid to contact him again. Was it so wrong of me to be a little pissed off because he never responded to my 2nd email asking where his gig was?? I mean * * * ??? You're supposed to be meeting someone in a few days for the first time... and they blow off answering a simple question??? Some people are not very good about answering emails if they don't feel like it. If you call on the phone, you can get a feel for who they are from the tone of their voice. If he does not pick up, or call you back after you leave a message, then he is not that interested in hanging out with you, or meeting you. Link to comment
lovebunny Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 He has always responded promptly except this one time. Made me think he was trying/going to blow me off. Do you think he hasn't repsonded because it's true he wasn't very interested... .or he's just pissed at me now? And what would I say to him now if I wanted to try to reconnect? Just be honest? "Sorry if I seemed a little pissy about getting together. I was afraid you were going to blow me off..." Speaking of phone... that's the other weird thing. I finally gave him my number about 2 months ago and my real email address. He never called me and continued to contact me thru my alias account. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 He has always responded promptly except this one time. Made me think he was trying/going to blow me off. Do you think he hasn't repsonded because it's true he wasn't very interested... .or he's just pissed at me now? Well, if that is the case, then you have your answer. He did not want to answer you at that time. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 He has always responded promptly except this one time. Made me think he was trying/going to blow me off. Do you think he hasn't repsonded because it's true he wasn't very interested... .or he's just pissed at me now? What would I say to him now if I wanted to try to reconnect? "Sorry if I seemed a little pissy about getting together last time. I was afraid..." I don't think he cares enough about you to be pissed off at you because he does not even know you. He did not feel like seeing you on that day. I am not sure why you are so hyper-focused on this. I talk to guys online all the time, but I only meet the ones that I really want to meet... It seems that he is busy with other things/people/etc. and you are not his priority. I am sure that he does not spend as much time thinking about this as you do. Link to comment
lovebunny Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 So I should even bother trying to contact him again? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 So I should even bother trying to contact him again? It's totally up to you. Most people, including myself, would probably not contact him again, but you seem to be a glutton for punishment, so you will do whatever you decide to do. Just make sure that you are prepared for the drama that ensues... Link to comment
greensleeves Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I'd leave it alone for now. That's twice that he didn't respond to questions in your emails, (the first time being about the rollerblading, when you emailed him again after his lack of response). Plus he's never out and out asked to meet with you and when you've brought it up he seems to always make a point of letting you know he's got other stuff planned but could maybe squeeze you in, at least that's what I get from it. I'd let it go, if he was anxious to meet you, he'd be making more of an effort. Link to comment
lovebunny Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 I just want to know if I was right that he wasn't very interested. A friend of mine said that was an assumption on my part. Think that was the case? Particularly since he didn't respond to my very last email? I mean, he could have said "It's not that I'm not interested...." Link to comment
greensleeves Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 You can only speculate right now, but I think that if he IS interested, he'll find a way to meet you. He could be sharing emails with several women, so I wouldn't get too caught up in it. Link to comment
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