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I'm falling for my best friend's girl

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Oh, where to begin...


I'm 20 years old and I've been working in Cleveland (600 miles from home) for the last three months and last week I got my first week home since I left. When I was home I spent most of each day with my best friend of five years, Eric and his g/f of 2 years, Brandy. For nearly 70% of the 2 years they've been together they fight and get frustrated with each other and I've always been there bending over backwards to help them get through it; usually it's Eric wanting to leave Brandy. Through all this Brandy and I have become rather close and I realized on my last day home how much I wished she was with me and not him. He doesn't appreciate her or how completely devoted she is to him. He always talks to me about how much he'd rather be with anyone but her and yet here I stand torn between two decisions. I want to help keep them together because that's what she wants but at the same time I so desperately want to tell her that I could love her so much more than he does; that for the longest time I've wanted to give her everything that she wishes he would give her.


So here I am fighting to save a relationship that I wish would end.


It's getting to the point where it almost hurts to be around them both. I'm sure most of you know how it feels to want to be with someone you know you can never be with, and how hard it is to just be around that person when you have these feelings inside.


It's tearing me apart



I've only been in one relationship in my 20 years on this planet and that ended over 3 years ago. Since then I haven't been on a single date (not for lack of trying mind you). I have to admit that being rejected 17 times in a row over the course of 3 years can get REALLY discouraging and I can't help but feel that I'm setting myself up for another incredibly heartbreaking situation. Every way I can think of approaching this matter seems to end with me not only losing two very close friends but missing out on the chance to have what could be an absolutely amazing relationship with with a girl who has become one of my best friends over the last few years.


I'm completely alone up here in Cleveland. I work alone 10 hours a day and go "home" to my hotel room where all I have to keep me company is my computer, my guitars, and my streetbike. When the loneliness gets unbearable riding is the only thing I can do to clear my mind. Believe me, nothing clears your mind of all outside thoughts like dragging your knee through a long sweeping turn at 160mph.


Sometimes it's hard to understand why things like this keep happening to me. If relationships are such a natural part of life, why is it that I haven't been able to get so much as a hug that lasted more than 3 sec from anyone in the last 3 years.







I've tried taking the initiative; I've tried waiting for love to find me...


You can only wait for so long before you begin to wonder if love has forgotten about you.

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why is it that I haven't been able to get so much as a hug that lasted more than 3 sec from anyone in the last 3 years.


Wow, that is a heartbreaking way of putting it.


I don't know what to say other than hang in there. Someone WILL come along.

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Man I have been there. The best advice I can give you is to tell your best friend that you don't want to be in the middle as you are friends with both. I would stay away till the either break up or you may lose both of them if you try to do anything.

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You're right to stay neutral in that situation. OK to listen but I wouldn't give any advice. Also wouldn't recommend being around the girl much. If the friendship means anything to you and the guy you shouldn't get involved with her.

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Ace I feel where your coming from man. I say stop being so emotionally involved in their relationship. If your friend really was unhappy he'd leave, and if she is staying with him even though he treats her badly it doesn't speak well for her judgment. Yes you could probably treat her better, but a lot of women enjoy the excitement of being mistreated and taken for granted so I say squash this fantasy of swooping in and saving her. On top of that she's your best friend's girl and expressing those sorts of feelings to her would more than likely just create drama and probably push them closer together.


As far as being single goes I'm right there with you man, it's rough out there. Hit the gym, update your wardrobe, and work on the parts of you that may have caused you to get rejected in the past, whatever those things may be. If women pass on you it's their loss, I say quit wasting emotional energy on a woman who chooses to be with a guy that isn't right for her and focus on meeting women that want to be treated well.


and maybe join a motorcycle club where you work, sounds like you'd enjoy it.

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Overall post sounds like you're working too much, falling for wrong girls.Clearly, Brandy is in love with Eric and you're shoulder to cry on.Sorry to disappoint but some people are simply emotional and nothing more is going on.Taking advantage will not result in something positive: Brandy might sleep with you but, i suspect, will still be near Eric and your friendship will, at least, go trough rough time because you've made a pass.

You're young so concerts, parties are plenty.Bike club might be place to meet somebody.Internet is your friend to locate those.Good luck...

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I appreciate your input. I'm not gonna try and make a pass at her, at least not if they are still together. And even if they did break up I don't think I could ask her out; at least not right away. I think she's finally getting fed up with him (as I am). Today is his 21st birthday and they're at a party that was planned for him. She probably spent $300 to $400 on him and he didn't even so much as thank her for what she got him.


She had mentioned to me the other day that there are at least 9 guys who would love to be with her (While I'm think to myself "Make that 10 guys") and yet she's still sticking around for him. But when she said that I realized something odd... It doesn't bother me to think of her and Eric together; but it hurts me to think of her being with someone else. I just thought it was weird that I would be just fine if she and Eric had a mutually caring relationship; but I would have a problem with her having a mutually caring relationship with some other guy. (Explain that one to me)


I need to really spend some time with her and figure out if I'm falling in love with her or if I'm just falling in love with the concept of a girl who actually gives a * * * * about me. It's been so long since I've had that that I'm not sure if I can tell the difference between that and love anymore.


The last decision I'm really struggling with is whether or not to ever tell her how I feel. I value my friendship with her so much that I don't want to risk doing anything that would make a friendship awkward. I have fun when I'm with her. I laugh and I can't help but smile when I'm with her... I hardly ever smile anymore; it would just kill me to lose that. But I don't know what would kill me more, telling her how I feel or letting this bottle up inside me until I explode.







I need to find some way to cope with this or else it's gonna give me a heart attack.

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. Believe me, nothing clears your mind of all outside thoughts like dragging your knee through a long sweeping turn at 160mph.


At least you have some turns up there man. I moved from western PA to Florida... havent seen a turn in 3 years now man. My kneepucks are getting dusty.


On to your issue though, I wouldnt go expressing your feelings to the girl or your friend about your feelings. You dont want to be 'that guy' who tries to step in on someone elses relationship.


However, if you really like this girl just put the brakes on trying to salvage her relationship with your friend. just be her friend, and his friend... and if they have some problems let them deal with it. IF she asks you for your help... maybe and I mean maybe... consider telling her that you just cant get involved in it anymore because its hurtful to you.


Ill bet you 10 bucks (thats all I can afford) that you are just trying to hard with the whole dating thing. Trust me man, If I can land a chick THEN ANYONE can do it. I truly mean that. I have no skills whatsoever when it comes to dating... Im like a big dating squid!


Just try to relax, be friendly and casual... and you will find a cool chick sooner or later. If you come accross as you are looking for love, and you are 0-17 in the last 3 years... you can bet you will be 0-18 on your next try.

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i've known guys who tried the 'shoulder to cry on' tactic, then made their move when the girl is vulnerable (just after the breakup). none of those worked out - the guys just ended up being rebounds. the girl either went back her ex or she found someone new. in either case, nobody talked to each other anymore after that. the girl was angry at the friend for taking advantage of her whe she was down. the ex BF hated both the girl and his friend for dating so soon after. etc.


I don't mean to sound harsh but - find someone who's actually available. Don't go messing with someone else's relationship. And the truth is, you are most likely friendzoned already - if not, she loves her BF right now so much (putting up with his behavior) that she'll not do anything to hurt him - that includes dating you.

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