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Advice re Online Date

Godwin

By Godwin
in Dating Advice

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Godwin Enthusiast

Godwin

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HELP!

 

Arranged to meet up with this girl at the weekend.

 

She looks damn good in her profile picks and has text me a few times to chat.

 

Thing is I have found her myspace profile and she looks a bit heavy, well, huge to be honest in some pictures.

 

I am no chubby chaser myself, but obviously like the girl enough to not want to hurt her feelings.

 

What the hell do I do?

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Do you base friendship on a person's appearance?

 

If not, what harm is there in meeting this lady for dinner and enjoying the night out as friends who enjoy chatting ? If the physical attraction is not there you are not bound to any type of second date. These first meets are just meet ups to see if there is a connection. If there isn't, no harm no foul. But meeting her that first time since you two have talked about it is the proper and nice thing to do and just look at it as meeting up with a potential friend you have enjoyed chatting with online.

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Godwin Enthusiast

Godwin

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Site profile says 'average', yeah, average for the roly polys.

 

She emailed to say that she was no 'Giselle', she is not wrong.

 

Most of her profile ones are of her face, with one of her body, its a good picture though.

 

Would say she is at least 50 pounds heavier than I thought.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Site profile says 'average', yeah, average for the roly polys.

 

She emailed to say that she was no 'Giselle', she is not wrong.

 

Most of her profile ones are of her face, with one of her body, its a good picture though.

 

Would say she is at least 50 pounds heavier than I thought.

 

Trust me she is probably very used to having guys not do a second date. So going out with her as planned that first time and just looking at it as a friendly date should be doable.

 

If she did intentionally try to mislead you on her looks then it is her own fault if after that first date a second one isn't landed. Now i have a lot of compassion for overweight folks as the world can be very unkind to the very heavy, however, I do think that people when doing online dating should be very upfront wtih how they REALLY look because all they are doing by hding it and lying about it is perhaps securing ONE date. Because after that first date if they deceived the other person they won't get a second one. I am not sure why they do that. I'd rather someone know exactly how i look to avoid the embarrassment of me seeing them for the first time and their jaw dropping or body language changing.

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bijoux27 Newbie

bijoux27

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I know people are saying that you should at least meet up with her and just keep it at a friendship level-but if you're convinced of her "larger" pictures and don't want to pursue anything with her, I'd just not meet her at all. If you meet her and she's thinking you guys are on a real date, yet you tell her otherwise, she might feel disappointed or insecure of her weight being the factor of your choice to not date her. If you just keep it online, it won't hurt as much as if you two both took the time to meet up.

 

It's all up to you though.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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I know people are saying that you should at least meet up with her and just keep it at a friendship level-but if you're convinced of her "larger" pictures and don't want to pursue anything with her, I'd just not meet her at all. If you meet her and she's thinking you guys are on a real date, yet you tell her otherwise, she might feel disappointed or insecure of her weight being the factor of your choice to not date her. If you just keep it online, it won't hurt as much as if you two both took the time to meet up.

 

It's all up to you though.

 

Yea but maybe he is seeing old pics and might rob himself of a potential good dating partner by not even showing up.

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Godwin Enthusiast

Godwin

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I am sure she is a nice and all that but its all about sexual attraction.

 

To me someone who is 50 pounds overweight is not attractive, not to mention the health risks.

 

Yeah, will meet her for a coffee and see how it goes. If there is no spark there I will just say to her, she is a few years younger anyhow so I could use that as an excuse.

 

For info my ex was a US size 4 so I tend to like em slim.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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because that's his preference. If he thinks she's too heavy for him, there will be no attraction, and no relationship.

everyone has their preferences of the opposite sex.

another guy might like heavier women rather than on the slim side and that's o.k. too.

 

I agree. I am not going to badger anyone for their preferences. We normally can't control what/who we find attractive.

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SapphireNoir10 Community Regular

SapphireNoir10

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because that's his preference. If he thinks she's too heavy for him, there will be no attraction, and no relationship.

everyone has their preferences of the opposite sex.

another guy might like heavier women rather than on the slim side and that's o.k. too.

 

I know people have prefrences, im just saying why not give it a chance anyway, he could be surprised by how much he likes her despite the weight.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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What if their an absoloutley amazing person....can some people honestly not get past looks?

 

Everyone has their preferences and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We would all be lying if we said that attraction is not normally the initial thing that causes romantic interest to start forming. If it is not there initially then normally it doesn't occur. Sometimes it can after getting to know a person longterm, but realistically most people will not (and shouldn't have to) keep forcing themselves to go out with someone they are not attracted to just beacuse some people think they should give that person a chance.

 

If they CHOOSE to date that person long enough for it to develop into more, great. But if they choose not to due to lack of attraction it is nobody else's business but their own. Who a person dates, or doesn't date, is extremely personal.

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Mlost Contributor

Mlost

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What if their an absoloutley amazing person....can some people honestly not get past looks?

 

Unfortunately, it's hard. And in this situation, I would completely understand. If someone is 50 pounds overweight, that can look extremely unattractive. One of my roommates is in this exact same boat. She is probably around 50-60 pounds overweight, completely out of her own doing (lifestyle, etc.) and she complains that she will never get a boyfriend. IMO, it's her fault for that, not the guys for seeing her as unattractive.

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Portage Enthusiast

Portage

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Well, why can't you just be honest online?? Tell her your size preferance and see what she has to say. If she isn't a size 4 i'm pretty sure she is more than aware of it.

 

*shrugs* It isn't insulting if you prefer a smaller stature, however, if you are attracted to her face and personality you could be missing out...your call.

 

I'd go.

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dont_know_what_2_say Enthusiast

dont_know_what_2_say

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as everyone stated, why force yourself to like someone because other people say is the right thign to do?

honestly, my friends have boyfriends i don't find attractive at all! and i always question why they like them

and they tell me the same thing about the guys i might like

so it shows people have different tastes and everyone has a chance of finding someone they're truly attracted to.

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