I backslid like crazy and he invited her to our friend's event...what am I holding onto?

[Suzanne1281]

I was doing so well--on Monday morning I even wrote a post about a new guy that I went out with. Then yesterday afternoon I backslid...like really backslid. My ex is not my friend on Facebook anymore so I don't have as much of an urge to look at his page. But one of our mutual friend's newsfeed said he's going to my ex's concert. So I looked on there--and my ex invited the ex he left me for. So that made me look on his Facebook page. Ughhh. There was a picture of him from some date they went on and her comment calling him "cute."

 

I had taken so many steps forward. I'm making strides in therapy and have been healthily moving into positive thinking and knowing this is about ME and not him anymore. I had been healing. I even had to see him on Thursday night and ignored him the whole time and had a great time with our mutual friends. I met a great guy on Friday and had a wonderful date with him Sunday night and look forward to our next date. So what is it I'm holding onto?

 

It got even worse today. Our mutual friend is having a concert in a couple of weeks that he invited me and my ex to via Facebook. We had both accepted the invite. Then today, I saw that the ex put her on the invite list as well. I realize this is reality hitting me in the face, and needs to happen and I knew this would happen eventually. It will hopefully help me move into acceptance. I already know he's a jerk, was two timing me with this girl and I know I want a better man. I know if she confronts me, I'll just give her the truth because he has lied repeatedly about me to cover his tracks.

 

I feel like him inviting her to another friend's event is cruel, though it's just reality and inevitable. But, he knows I'm going to be there and I had told him how much it would crush me to have to see them together after which he promised he'd be cautious. I feel like he's doing this to hurt me--maybe because he's mad I still hang out with our mutual friends, or that I finally stood up for myself when he kept contacting me, or because one of our mutual friends was flirting with me in front of him (I didn't do anything back to him), or because I acted on Thursday like I had moved on with my life. My sister says he probably wasn't even thinking of those things when he invited this girl, but I still think it's so cruel. The last one of these events not that long ago, he and I were together and having a great time and now this...

 

I have nothing to be jealous of: they have a codependent, dysfunctional relationship. He even says he's miserable (doesn't say if it's a direct result of her or anything). His Facebook messages from the last few days say he's "destroyed", "soul searching", "miserable" and "working on himself" so I know it can't be all sunshine in that relationship. He's a jerk and messed up and his sensitivity level has gone down to zero. I refuse to stop doing things I normally do with our friends just because of him, and I'm not letting him push me out--especially because she has never liked his friends, he's been hiding what he's doing even from his own roommate, and now he's bringing out out in front of them. I know it's about me, not him...but I am so hurt about this.

 

I just don't understand...what is it I'm holding onto now?

[lostandhurt]

Suzanne,

I have struggled with the same question many times. My mind knows but my heart simply won't listen. The backsliding is normal, as I don't think you slid as far back as you were just a few weeks ago. You will find they get father and father apart and do less and less damage. Please consider taking the high road when and if you speak to his gf. There is no need to lower yourself to his level. If she asks I wouldn't lie for him but ask yourself this "what good will come from this" and then see if you still want to confront her. I know you will do what you feel is right.

 

Lost

[Suzanne1281]

Suzanne,

I have struggled with the same question many times. My mind knows but my heart simply won't listen. The backsliding is normal, as I don't think you slid as far back as you were just a few weeks ago. You will find they get father and father apart and do less and less damage. Please consider taking the high road when and if you speak to his gf. There is no need to lower yourself to his level. If she asks I wouldn't lie for him but ask yourself this "what good will come from this" and then see if you still want to confront her. I know you will do what you feel is right.

 

Lost

 

 

Oh, I wouldn't speak to his girlfriend. Only if she confronts me, I meant. It's funny that you mention how I was a few weeks ago, because even now in this pain and feeling sick to my stomach, I still feel stronger than I was then and have at least seen the progress I've made and know its' achievable. Like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

What do you mean by "if she asks, I wouldn't lie for him but ask yourself 'what good will come from this'. Does that mean if she asks or accuses me of anything I should just not get into details about what really happened?

[lostandhurt]

I mean if she calls you or comes right up to you and asks straight out then you will need to answer. Details aren't really important (most times they know but don't want to believe it) so give the basics and let it go, but don't do anything you will regret. It is the truth after all and she did ask.