I know we don't have a future; and I think she knows it too. But she still wants to date.

[Mlost]

I've been casually seeing a coworker for the past few weeks. We had been kind of eyeing each other, and then we hooked up, and from there we would still hang out and try to see where this would go.

 

We already know that this will probably not go anywhere. I want to leave CA as soon as I can. This isn't where I feel I'm supposed to be, and she moved out here just last year to stay. So, that presents a problem. I brought this up to her 2 weekends ago. It wasn't an easy conversation, but I told her that we need to try and cool things off because there didn't seem to be any point in getting emotionally involved when we know 99% that the future holds very different things for us.

 

Then last Wednesday, we were hanging out with some other coworkers after work, shooting pool, etc. We started getting flirty again and touchy-feely. That night, she said that she didn't care about the future and that she just wanted us to get to know each other and let whatever happens happen.

 

So, I guess we went from "broken up" to "dating" again? Then she came down this past weekend and we hung out. Saturday morning we're out for breakfast and I bring up the topic I'd been dreading; our faith. I believe in one thing very specifically to the exclusion of all others, and she believes that every religion has a bit of truth to it and basically whichever one makes you happy, go for it. Completely different and that really presents a problem for me, because I've tried dating someone like this before and it did not end well at all. Different priorities, different mindsets, etc. So, now I have an even bigger reason for why I know this can't go anywhere. She obviously doesn't feel this way and she doesn't know that I am thinking this.

 

There's part of me that does want to coast along and just enjoy this for whatever it is, but that seems completely hypocritical. And I don't want to get my heart and hers involved and then just break them harder then they would be if we ended it now. Because it would hurt. I have a really good time spending time with her and she has a lot of qualities that are important to me.

 

Plus, I do feel that I would want to be open to finding someone who does share my faith and who doesn't feel nailed down to California.

 

I have no idea what to do. I've been horrible at breakups my entire life. Every girl I've broken up with, I've gotten back together with at least twice because I felt hurt and getting back together would ease the pain, and I felt so bad for hurting them too. Plus we're coworkers, so this cannot be a messy end.

 

Advice? Suggestions?

[Zeitgeist]

Wow, tough one. But you know what - life isn't worth living if you don't take some risks. Especially when it comes to relationships. I suspect most people here will disagree with me and think you should be more pragmatic. But to me, it sounds like you like this girl and potentially could like her a LOT more, except that you've closed yourself off to that possibility because of more practical concerns. If you do continue this though, who knows what might happen? You may decide you love California. She may decide she would move with you (and you may be overjoyed by that). You both might be able to reach some compromise that satisfies you both. She may change her mind about faith. You may change yours. You might both accept and appreciate that the other has a different point of view. The POINT here is though, you won't know until you explore it. Yes, it may end in heartache for one or both of you. But how much more would it hurt to look back 30 years from now and wonder, what might have happened if you just kept dating this woman?