Not pregnant and disappointed

[duchesstigerlily]

So, my husband and I thought we might be pregnant but I found out on Sunday that I'm not despite the fact that I had no period and some symptoms (I think I need to change my birth control pill...too many weird things happening!). If I was pregnant it would have been an "accident" and at first we were stressed because I am trying to get fulltime permanent status with my job which means an dramatic increase in salary *before* we started a family. Also, once I'm fulltime/permanent I will be entitled to 93% of my annual earnings for 1 year maternity leave and without that, we would be in a tight position even though my Husband has a well-paying job.

 

Anyway, by the time I took the test we had both warmed to the idea and I couldnt believe how utterly shattered I was when the result was negative. I thought I would be ok but I immediately started crying and I've felt kind of down and disappointed about it since then. I even had a dream last night that I had a baby and it is all so bizarre considering that we werent even planning to have a baby for at least another 6 months-year. My husband was disappointed too and has been supportive but I can't help but feel let down.

 

How do you resign yourself to the fact that now isnt the "time" when in your heart it is what you really want? So many posts are about women having babies they dont want etc. but there are never many about those that can't due to financial factors etc. etc. even though they really want too. I'm 25 and the hubby is 31...married for 3 years so we certainly arent kids!

[desertsoul]

How much longer do you have until you can start working full-time?

 

The best I can suggest is to keep in mind that it will be better for everyone involved, including any kids you will have, for you to wait until you can afford to care for them properly. You're already taking care of them before they're even born! That should make you feel really good about yourself. Waiting is hard, I know, but you can do it.

 

My wife and I had an unplanned baby, and it's been tough since we were totally not prepared financially. There's all kinds of cool stuff we want to buy for the little guy, but we're on such a tight budget that we just have to make do without a lot of things. Our schedule is also a juggling act since we can't afford daycare. I can only imagine how much easier things would be and how much more fun we could be having if we'd been ready for his arrival. You will absolutely be happy with yourself for waiting when the time comes to start a family.

[Maroney555]

I found out that I had accidentally gotten pregnant about 2 months ago. I was freaking out at first and it took me a couple weeks to tell my boyfriend...we aren't even married yet. We figured it was meant to be though because I was a birth control (Depo Shot) that is super potent and some women can't have children for a year and a half after stopping the shot and I was still on it.

We got so excited to the point where we told EVERYONE. A month later I miscarried.

It sucked to find out that it really wasn't our time, but everything happens for a reason. You are genuinely bummed for a while...I still am every now and then when I think about it, but you will bounce back, and when you realize that you can actually plan it when you both are ready, it makes it even better. I am still in school, so it was a mixed blessing to miscarry, but I know I am going to marry my boyfriend and we will eventually have kids...just not yet.

[Supa_gurl]

I don't think I was ever let down by a negative result. But I do know the let down from miscarriage which I think is a similar feeling. I had 3 before I had my beautiful daughter. God just didn't think the time was right for me. Infact, on my last miscarriage, because I had 3 in a row, the Dr. decided to do testing on the deceased fetus. Come to find out she had a "sydrome" that would have made her handicap. At 23, I was not ready for a handicap child. SO, with that, I can say that everything happens for a reason. So keep your chin up. It will happen when it is meant to.

[duchesstigerlily]

Thanks everyone. Its nice to have a place to vent that isnt my husband, mother or friends every now and then. I should be fulltime by September/October which I know isnt too far down the line. I thought about it some more last night and realized that it really would have been a struggle to cope financially etc. and I think its important to set aside personal wants sometimes to make sure the situation is as good as it possibly can be before bringing another person into the mix.