Biffy Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Hello all, I've been with my gf for around 6 months now. A few weeks ago she asked me what my "fantasy is" I said, I'm fairly "normal"... don't want any bondage, not interested in being p'd on, vomited on... just regular healthy sex. But, if I have to have a fantasy, it would be a fairly stock, generic one - a threesome... the "good kind" of course - me and 2 girls. Fast forward to last week, GF tells me that she was talking to a girlfriend of hers about sex and long story short, my gf said that this girl would like a threesome with us. I told her that when I said it was my fantasy, she didn't have to go and make it a reality - that I was happy with just her BUT if it's what she wanted we should give it a go. She said she's had sex with girls in the past and it's not what she wants to do anymore BUT if she were to have sex with a girl again it would be with this girl. We discussed it some more, during which I made it vehemently clear that if she were to have sex with this girl when I wasn't there that I would not be pleased about it.... not pleased at all. GF said she wouldn't see it as cheating as it's 2 girls! I said, I definitely do consider it cheating. She went out with the girl last night and they kissed... lots but no sex - my gf is on her period and I have no way of knowing if that's the only reason that they didn't. She told me this afternoon, I reacted angrily. What to do? Thoughts, comments? Thanks Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Humm, she's obviously taken your fantasy to give her free reign to behave as she wishes with no thought to your feelings. Being bi (sexual or curious) is in NO way an out on treating your partner with respect, or ignoring their boundaries. What do you think you should do about it? How are you treating it differently than if it was a boy she was kissing? Having told her that you view it as cheating, how do you feel about the fact that she obviously doesn't care about your feelings on the matter? Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 If you had already told her that you consider it cheating, I would treat it as such. Tell her how pissed you are about it. Let her have it! Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 In my full and honest opinion when people agree to have a threesome they are in turn giving their partners permission to cheat whether they're right there or not. Asking for disaster. Alot of people get in the mindset that "oh it's a person of the same sex so it's not cheating" or "it's not cheating because you agree'd I could sleep with this person in a 3some, so what makes it different outside the 3some". That's really why unless you have strong based relationship 3somes are really bad ideas. As far as what your gf did, if you feel it's wrong tell her it's wrong. React the same way you would if this was a guy she was kissing on. But don't expect her to tread lightly since you were the one who wanted a 3some with this girl. Link to comment
EQD Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 she disrespected your wishes and kissed her friend anyway. i would treat this the same as if she 'just' kissed a guy. she cheated. Link to comment
d24 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 or.... maybe she was warming her up ;-P Link to comment
Biffy Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 Thanks as always for your thoughts people. Mythical - to be clear, I didn't suggest a threesome, I don't really know if I want one. She knows this. She told me she wasn't sure how she would handle seeing me having sex with another girl. So, we pretty much just left it a stalemate. I am pretty p'd about the whole situation. Have stress a-plenty already - moving house, job change all in the same week... just a lot to deal with. I can do without all this as well. She's since sent me a text apologising and promising to never do it again. I really don't know what to do about it. Link to comment
Biffy Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 or.... maybe she was warming her up ;-P You see, I've spoken to a couple of my male friends and my brother about this and they see it as a high-five worthy moment... Maybe I should be seeing it that way too. My brother thinks I should use the momentum to get my threesome and kick them both to the curb afterward. Somewhat "basic" is my brother. Link to comment
LanceVanceDance Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 It's always easier seeing something like this as "high-five worthy moment" when you're not emotionally attached to the person involved. You told her you wouldn't like it and she still did it. It's called cheating. It is irrelevant that the other person was a girl. You shouldn't just let it go, she fooled you around. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 My brother thinks I should use the momentum to get my threesome and kick them both to the curb afterward. and then you will be just as low as she is for "cheating" on you. Link to comment
DN Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 It seems to me that she did cheat and knows that she did. You might need to talk to her about her attitudes to cheating compared to yours - and what her fantasies are that she may want to indulge. If you can get past this I suggest you don't pursue the idea of a threesome - I don't think you are really ready to handle it. Link to comment
Sprinter79 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Well, if she's promised not to do it again, take her word for it. Love her to bits so she doesn't have to go elsewhere Link to comment
d24 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 My brother thinks I should use the momentum to get my threesome and kick them both to the curb afterward. I have a thread about it, but once my ex tried to trrade me a ffm for a mmf threesome. I didn't go for it, even when she brought an attractive friend home from work one day for me to 'play with' turns out she had her mmf without me and to this day i regret not taking that ffm and kicking her to the curb. I realise now she was trash and no good for me, but I really could have used that situation to my advances. If I had known she'd have cheated on me to get her mmf I'd never have rejected her ffm. (there were other factors of course) If you're not emotionally attached to her/aren't sure if you love her - I'd say 110% use the momentum and go with it. Whatever will be will be. Then again if you're more than that, really talk to her and let her know how upset you are and ensure it doesn't happen again. And remember.... Fantasies are never as fun as we imagine, which in essense is what makes them so great! Link to comment
ryan123 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 That must have went over well for the attractive co-worker...Let me sit her as my friends boyfriend decides if he wants to bed me. I think I remember that story that she met two random dudes and had her threesome. So trashy to cheat on your SO but to cheat on him with two other dudes is a new level of trashy. Link to comment
SubliminalUser Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I seriously don't see what the problem is. 1) She isn't going to leave you for this girl. 2) She wants to share her with you. 3) I'd give anything to be you right now. Some people feel that cheating with a girl is still considered cheating. I don't. I mean if she's going to let you have sex with her and her friend. You got to let her have a little fun too with the girl. If you don't want to do this then tell her. Seriously though, ANYTHING to be in your shoes. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I seriously don't see what the problem is. 1) She isn't going to leave you for this girl. 2) She wants to share her with you. 3) I'd give anything to be you right now. Some people feel that cheating with a girl is still considered cheating. I don't. I mean if she's going to let you have sex with her and her friend. You got to let her have a little fun too with the girl. If you don't want to do this then tell her. Seriously though, ANYTHING to be in your shoes. The point is that the OP considers this cheating, told her and she went and did it anyway. That's no way to treat someone you're in a relationship with. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 you take the 3some and go find another girl that respects you. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 I think it's a matter of evaluation. He had a fantasy - she's willing to make it a reality. That's really her that wants sex wtih this girl, and having no risk to her boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. So he's been served notice that she wants "more" out of life that just "a life with him in a conventional manner'...and he can decide if he wants to keep dating a girl that finds herself attractted to other women, and doesn't consider it unethical or immoral to go around kissing and whatever else with them. Link to comment
KAT MOMMY Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 You see, I've spoken to a couple of my male friends and my brother about this and they see it as a high-five worthy moment... Maybe I should be seeing it that way too. My brother thinks I should use the momentum to get my threesome and kick them both to the curb afterward. Somewhat "basic" is my brother. I agree with bro on this one. She is out of control and it's obvious she wants to have sex with women, she wouldn't have just done this out of anything but attraction but the whole conversation about her doing it in the past was her way of giving you a warning shot. The way she is behaving is not that of a loyal g/f-do and do it well maybe more than once. You can even bag the friend and ditch them both after you've had your fun-hey she deserves it. Have the time of you life-StuD! hehe Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted July 8, 2008 Share Posted July 8, 2008 Reminds me of a song..."my girl gotta girlfriend, but it's alright cause imma make it do what it do..." But ya, that's definitely cheating. Link to comment
SadMan Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 I think if shes hiding this from you and doing crazy stuff behind your back with a girl, then it would be cheating. But if shes open with you about it and let you know in an advance(even lets you join), I think its a great moment to explore your fantasy. Link to comment
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