boyfriend had a gay experience, is he gay??

[CarnelianButterfly]

The only thing that leads me to believe that he is gay is his reaction to the whole affair. If he treated it like it is no big deal like it was experimenting as a teen, sure I would probably not think much of it. It is just his overreaction, and his unusual behavior for a guy that leads me to suspect. In the end it is possible that he is not gay at all.

 

His over reaction could very well be do to her insensitive reaction. Telling a loved one about abuse and being blamed then deemed untrustworthy would bring up a lot of emotions for a victim. What is so unusual about his behavior? He is acting like someone who was abused.

[agent1607307371]

The only thing that leads me to believe that he is gay is his reaction to the whole affair. If he treated it like it is no big deal like it was experimenting as a teen, sure I would probably not think much of it. It is just his overreaction, and his unusual behavior for a guy that leads me to suspect. In the end it is possible that he is not gay at all.

 

Over reaction?

 

So if the only correct reaction to abuse it to brush it off?

[Daddy Bear]

The only thing that leads me to believe that he is gay is his reaction to the whole affair. If he treated it like it is no big deal like it was experimenting as a teen, sure I would probably not think much of it. It is just his overreaction, and his unusual behavior for a guy that leads me to suspect. In the end it is possible that he is not gay at all.

 

He was manipulated into doing something of a highly personal nature that he had no natural inclination for by someone he was apparently not naturally attracted to, he (rightfully) sees that as abuse and he's been left traumatized years later by the experience. Given those facts, I feel that it borders very closely on victim-blaming for you to accuse him of "overreaction" and "unusual behavior" and to imply that he WANTED to be coerced into sexual activity in order to gratify the lust of a much older person.

[lukeb]

Imagine you're a 17 yo and a 30 yo woman wants to have sex with you, and you agree, would you after the incident claim that you were raped and abused? I can't think of a lot of 17's males that would do that. Im just saying its unusual.

[lukeb]

So by bring that up are you implying that I was drunk? Or that I regretted it? I can tell you that you are very wrong on both fronts.

 

Why do you feel the need to not believe in forced intercourse?

 

I am not implying anything, like I said I have no idea what happened to you, I wasn't there, thats why I wasnt going to comment on it one way or another. I believe rape either at gun point, or perhaps through pressure through blackmail or whatever is very real.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I am not implying anything, like I said I have no idea what happened to you, I wasn't there, thats why I wasnt going to comment on it one way or another. I believe rape either at gun point, or perhaps through pressure through blackmail or whatever is very real.

 

Then why can't his incident be rape or abuse?

[lukeb]

It can be rape, legally it is called statutory rape. The law stating that a minor isn't capable of making the decision to have sex with an adult. From what the origional poster said, it was something he freely entered into. The law, and it is a good law basically saying it doesnt matter if it is something that he wanted, he wasn't grown up enough to make that decision. Abuse in this case may be too strong a word. The same law would apply the perpetrator was a woman.

[agent1607307371]

From what the origional poster said, it was something he freely entered into.

 

No, the OP said he was coerced into it. And that is one of the forms of non-violent rape. It's not all about being kicked to the ground and violated in a back street somewhere.

[lukeb]

Naturally if there is an adult and a minor involved and they freely enter into a sexual encounter, we are going to assume coercion.

[Daddy Bear]

Imagine you're a 17 yo and a 30 yo woman wants to have sex with you, and you agree, would you after the incident claim that you were raped and abused? I can't think of a lot of 17's males that would do that. Im just saying its unusual.

 

That's a false analogy. It's intellectually dishonest to compare an encounter between a heterosexual 17-year-old boy and a 30-year-old woman to one between a heterosexual teen boy of unknown age and a man of unknown age.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It can be rape, legally it is called statutory rape. The law stating that a minor isn't capable of making the decision to have sex with an adult. From what the origional poster said, it was something he freely entered into. The law, and it is a good law basically saying it doesnt matter if it is something that he wanted, he wasn't grown up enough to make that decision. Abuse in this case may be too strong a word. The same law would apply the perpetrator was a woman.

 

Abuse is a abuse. If an adult knowing coerced a child into sex it is rape and it is abuse. There is no grey, that what was done to him was wrong, plain and simple. Abuse is the improper use of something, that adult abused their position as an adult and that makes him a victim of ABUSE.

[lukeb]

That's a false analogy. It's intellectually dishonest to compare an encounter between a heterosexual 17-year-old boy and a 30-year-old woman to one between a heterosexual teen boy of unknown age and a man of unknown age.

 

Besides not knowing the ages, and I covered that in a previous post, what makes it a false analogy? Are you sure you are not discriminating based on sexuality? The reason why I used a woman in this example was because I assumed that you're straight, and probably would not have sex with a man. I hope you are not saying it is OK for mature women to have sex with teenage boys? All I was saying was his behaviour after is a little suspect.

[chasey]

note the OP has posted a follow up thread called

 

boyfriend had a gay experience PART 2!!!

 

with more info