Pre-Breakup advice???

[h0pelessr0mantic]

I have made the decision that i need to end it with my boyfriend. I don't know when, i don't know how, but i can't take feeling so miserable all the time. Read my other post to find out mroe about the relationship. But essentially he is driving me crazy.

- he has cheated on me several times before, we have broken up and then i took him back

- the last time he promised that he would stop calling me names such as cheat3r, wh0r3, s1ut etc etc. he promised to stop disappearing on me and he promised to come and see me once in a while. All these promisee have still not been fullfilled.

- he never sees his fault in the situation

- he never compromises, we always do what he wants to do and never what i want to do... like one time i was sick and he wanted to go out with his friends. He told me to just put on a bunch of sweaters and that i'll be fine since we would be in a car...and thats exactly what happened. Then when i wanted to go and see one of my friends we never did because he "didn't feel like it". He never tries to go out his way for me in any situation.

- if i don't do something for him, like rent a movie if he doesn't have money or walk his dog (even though he is perfectly capable of doing so) he goes...u'll be sorry...." and then he'll go out with his friends and disappear on me for the entire night or continually call me rude names and degrade me.

there are soo many things that i can't even begin to name them all.

But basically these past few days have been absolutely brutal. He keeps badgering me to go over to his house and visit him. but here;s the thing, i work from 9-5 everyday and i also go to school (tuesdays from 6-10pm and sundays from 10:30 am to 2:30pm). i am extemeely exhausted all the time and have so much work to do. To go over to his house it take me an hour to get there and an hour back on the subway. sometimes its just not possible with how many things i have to do. Yet somehow i still make the time to travel and see him on fridays and saturdays every week. Now here's the twist.... he does not work, he does not go to school, and he lives with his mother. He does not cook, he does not clean anything except his room (i clean his washroom once a week), he does not do dishes. His entire day consists of him watching tv, walking his dog, smoking, playing poker on the computer and drinking with his friends. And he ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to come over to see me. Whats worse is he tries to make it seem like i'm the bad person. He always tries to guilt trip me by saying "well i'm sorry if i want to see you". and then when i suggest he come over to see me he will say something like: i don't want to because u don't deserve it since you never come and see me. I see him at least once a week and in the past 3 and a half years of us being together he has only come to my house twice!!!! Now he is being completely rude to me...calling me names, disappearing on me and saying that i should accept being treated like crap and that i deserve wrose for not seeing him, ignoring my phone calls and even threatening to break up with me because i can't see him until the weekend (this week i have school,homework,work, a dental appointment and i have to help out at home since my dad left on a business trip). I really need to end this and i need advice on how to break up...and stay broken up. any advice on getting over a guy, breaking up with him or anything would be great.

also...

i am an EXTREMELY weak person when it comes to breakups. If he calls and apologizes and promises to change, i will usually take him back after ignoring 3 phones calls. i have NO SPINE in these situations. And i know if i break up with my current boyfriend he will continue to call until i talk to him, and then i will be back at square one. how do i stay strong???

[Excalibur]

Sure - quit taking his calls and quit thinking about getting back with hm....and call the police when he comes to give you "what you deserve for ignoring his demands".

 

This is not a guy that you sit on the couch with nicely and announce "I believe I need to break up with yo - it's not you - it's me."

[HoTung]

Just be honest with him and tell him he is making ur life hell. U don;t want him to drag you down any more but u need to stick with ur word.

[bijoux27]

Tell your plans to a trusted friend or relative. By knowing your intentions they will help you make this breakup a final one.

 

Make sure you change your passwords that your bf might know of-I have a friend who broke up with her psycho bf but he got into her accounts and changed her passwords, it took me a while to get them back for her and for him to leave her alone. He sounds abusive and really not worth your good heart. Do NOT go back to him. Even if you pick up his phone call tell him calmly but firmly that it's over. And as I said earlier get someone you trust to help you stick with your decision.

 

Best of luck

[DN]

You have written an eloquent post about this guy and recognise he is a manipulative and nasty man.

 

Break up with him by e-mail or text. I don't usually advocate that but in this case it is necessary and justified.

 

Any time he phones or texts you - read over your post above until the desire to talk to him goes away - it shouldn't take long.

[jessiesgirl14]

I wouldnt even give him that. Id just stop all contact with him. I know its hard but girl you deserve SOOOO much better!!! You are obviously trying to point your life in the right direction and this BUM is bringing you down. You dont want your school work to get behind because you are catering to his needs. Get your girls together and go out and have fun and DONT answer any of his calls. If you dont answer them and dont open any emails you wont see his pathetic excuses and you can move on!