Should there be Dating/Relationship education in schools?

[Superfreak]

Dating and relationships are such an important part of life, and yet both are largely ignored by our education system. This leads to nobody really being sure what dating or dating customs are, and generations of people that may not have any relationship conflict resolution skills whatsoever. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

 

I think this should be changed. I believe that highschools should include a dating/relationship course made mandatory for the student body, and taught at about the age of 15. The course should largely be aimed at defining very generally how dating should be done. One problem on these forums I see is that nobody's sure what is and isn't permissable, and their's some dating customs that don't seem fair but are the customs largely due to outdated tradition. What a dating course would do is help to alleviate confusion and perhaps change the dating environment for the better.

 

Basically this is an opportunity to change societal norms when it comes to dating from the bottom-up. It's purpose will be to teach not how dating was done in the past, but how dating ought to be done.

 

Generally the course would be split in to two components, one is dating the other is relationship skills. My dating/relationship course would look something like this.

 

Dating

 

- Students should be taught that either gender, male or female, should be able to approach and ask out someone that they're interested. Alot of women that may be interested in approaching might not because they feel it's not there "role" to approach. A dating education teaching kids that it's perfectly ok for either gender to ask out someone would help eliminate this mode of thinking.

 

- It should be taught that the socially accepted practice is that the first 2 dates are to be dutch. The number 2 is an arbitrary number I chose, but it's generally the number of dates it takes to go from "casually seeing eachother" to "something resembling a relationship". After 2 dates, it's the couple that decides who pays for what and when. I think this would be a good practice because it eliminates one person (probably the man) feeling that he's socially obligated to pay for a near-total stranger on the first meeting. If it's taught in school's that the socially accepted practice is for dating is to split costs until the 2nd date, it would eliminate this feeling of obligation. Dating can be expensive and for someone going on numerous first dates, costs can very quickly add up if they're paying for two, which seems ridiculous when you're not even sure if you like the other person yet.

 

- It's taught that the socially expected custom is that each party finds there own transportation to the first date location. After the first date, how the couple arranges transportation should be up to them.

 

- Kids learn very generally how to ask for a date. I don't mean that every person in the country should read from the same script when asking for a date, but we do get posters here that have no idea how to phrase asking for a date so perhaps this should be taught.

 

- Students should be paired up and sent on mock-dates in the classroom. Although most kids probably already do have alot of experience talking to the opposite sex, for those that don't, pairing up two students for half an hour and telling them to talk about themselves, find out commonalities, and keep a conversation going may be a good practice run.

 

- A lesson on staying safe with online dating...and on a date in general

- Suggestions on where and how to meet people.

- A social dance unit; knowing how to dance seems to open up alot of doors for meeting people and so maybe this should be taught in schools as well. Although maybe this falls more under something that should be included in a physical education course.

 

Relationships

 

- Relationship Conflict resolution skills should be taught

- Signs to recognize when you're in an abusive relationship (physically or emotionally abusive) should be taught

- Resources (help-lines, organizations) should be given to students that they can contact if they are in an abusive relationship for help

- It should de-stigmitize marital counselling, teaching that it's a good idea to go even if you're not thinking of divorcing

-Perhaps parenting skills should be taught as well

 

I already see a few potential problems with this kind of course:

- Gay students may feel isolated as the course will have a largely heterosexual bias. However I think that the type of things I outlined are general enough that gay students still benefit from being in such a course.

- Different cultures/religions may have different dating practices: I still think that even if this is the case, kids of these different cultures and religions would still benefit should they ever choose to date outside there culture/religion.

 

So is this a good idea at all, is it something any of you would support?

 

Also, what would your course look like, and more specifically, what social norms when it comes to dating would you have the course change or up-hold?

[LE DHUY NHUT]

Good idea but the authorities will think this will lead to more teenage sex.

[redtan]

I think the relationship stuff is great and would definitely help people, but the dating section of it is kinda vague. There are no set rules for dating, so who's to say what the norm is for how many "dutch" dates to go on, or how to figure out transportation to a date etc. There are so many variables in these that there cannot be a simple way of putting a number or rules on them. Every person/couple is different, and the differences get greater with age. While it may be appropriate for 2 15 year olds to have rules and whatnot in dating (especially about sex, rides, who pays for the date, where the date can take place etc), are you really saying that those would be appropriate for someone in college or in their late 20s?

 

So I think this is a good idea, but it has to be wayyy more general than what you said. There are plenty of tips for guys and girls in terms of dating and relationships, but you cannot expect to give them strict rules,regulations and number requirements because everyone is different and there is no norm for things like when there can be physical interactions or whatnot. We aren't in the 19th century anymore.

[MD Geist]

There was when I was in HS.

[Superfreak]

I think the relationship stuff is great and would definitely help people, but the dating section of it is kinda vague. There are no set rules for dating, so who's to say what the norm is for how many "dutch" dates to go on, or how to figure out transportation to a date etc.

 

Definitely I don't think these should be laws by any means. The reason I think certain dating guidelines/social norms should be taught is that if they're not taught in schools, we end up with the current situation where they are largely taught by popular media or second hand accounts, which for obvious reasons isn't an ideal situation. This leads to the kindof confusion over what the proper social expectation is in dating situations that we see all the time on this board.

 

There are so many variables in these that there cannot be a simple way of putting a number or rules on them.

 

I totally agree, that's why they're meant as general guidelines. However I do think that suggested guidelines are better then the status quo and my suggestions actually only deal with the very initial stages of meeting someone, when the two of you havn't really had a chance yet to decide what works best. In that kind of situation, I think it's a good thing to have a pre-determined set of social norms that stresses equality between the genders.

 

Every person/couple is different, and the differences get greater with age. While it may be appropriate for 2 15 year olds to have rules and whatnot in dating (especially about sex, rides, who pays for the date, where the date can take place etc), are you really saying that those would be appropriate for someone in college or in their late 20s?

 

I think my suggestions for social norms were inoccuous enough that yes, they're equally applicable to 20, 30 and 40 year olds as they are to 15 year olds.

 

So I think this is a good idea, but it has to be wayyy more general than what you said. There are plenty of tips for guys and girls in terms of dating and relationships, but you cannot expect to give them strict rules,regulations and number requirements because everyone is different and there is no norm for things like when there can be physical interactions or whatnot. We aren't in the 19th century anymore.

 

I definitely don't think there should be any suggestions in terms of sex. This would be more the province of sex-ed/health classes anyway and I'm pretty uncomfortable with the idea of the government telling anyone when they should have sex. However I think that an explanation of what is generally done on dates, eliminating the most enduring issues of tension: who pays at first, if its ok for a girl to ask a guy out etc. would be better then just trying to muddle through.

 

Teaching kids what the social norms are in a situation wouldn't be a new concept. The only thing that would be new is that it would now be extended to dating/relationships.

[CynicalGuitarist]

That's a really good, sound idea... but with schools, they NEVER leave any of the good ideas intact.

 

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.” - Neil Gaiman

[DN]

Not sure if this is relevant but it just sprang to mind when I read this post:

 

When I think back on all the crap Ive learned in highschool

Its a wonder I can think at all

Though my lack of education hasnt hurt me much

I can read the writings on the walls

 

Paul Simon.

 

I suppose it is because highschool students may be very cynical about a course about dating taught by an about-to-retire-never-married teacher.

[Superfreak]

I suppose it is because highschool students may be very cynical about a course about dating taught by an about-to-retire-never-married teacher.

 

That thought occurred to me too and it's probably likely many won't take it seriously at all. But at the same time if we can get highschool students to read Romeo and Juliet and take it seriously, I'm sure a course like this could be made to work.

[DN]

That thought occurred to me too and it's probably likely many won't take it seriously at all. But at the same time if we can get highschool students to read Romeo and Juliet and take it seriously, I'm sure a course like this could be made to work.

True - but then that relationship was very romantic until death did them part.