Would You Tell Your Friend Your Honest Opinion?

[KAT MOMMY]

Hey guys.

I have a male platonic friend whom I have known for the past two years. When I met him he was going through an ugly seperation with his wife. He tried to talk to me on the romantic tip but I refused to date him or anything of the sort and we started to become good friends. He needed closure in his marriage and wanted a clean break in order to get his life in order. The guy is 26 and has no children.

 

One night we were out on the town and he stopped past someone's house to get something and there was a female there who was talking to him via body language. I picked up on her vibe and told him to go and get her-OK he did and instead of him treating her as she came and is he took time with her and started loving her. So not even six months they decide to up and move to PA-he was ready and so was she-so it seemed. They packed and left-in about 3 months he called asking to send him some money-I did and then a month or so later he called and said they were in GA and that is where they will be. Like 3 weeks ago they came back concked out, car wrecked, and all their things gone. Literally went from something to nothing in a matter of 7 months. He is living at his mom's trying to bridge the gap and the g/f is a total loser! She looks like crap ALL the time, she is lame and IMO he needs to ditch her. So I told him that when I come to see him I'd rather just him and I chill out. Now she was chilling a few times with him and I and that was OK but I feel as if she is the reason he failed at his endevour and that angers me. She crashed the car-not him. Her mother was in PA and this is where they left from to go to GA with no friends or family. She has two boys and is much older than him.

Anyway he told her what I said and she called my phone and left a nasty message telling me to stay away from him-etc, etc,'

 

So should I tell my ex-friend the way I feel or should I call her back and put her silly tail in her place?

What would you do?

 

I am a one man band (wo)man so I dont need friends at all I am not upset that there is going to be one less but at the same time if I am going to lose a friend shouldn't I be able to at least give my view-or no?

[EQD]

Sounds like you may be jealous of her and her hold on him...

and maybe in the back of your mind you might might be upset that you lead them to love while you got nothing from it.. but rather, you lost a friend.

i would do the best you could to hide those feelings. they would only alienate him from you instead of bring him closer. since they are together your most diplomatic move is going to be to accept that and not show him your contempt for his SO.

[HeartGoesOn]

I wouldn't call him a friend if he told her what you said. I would stay as far away as possible from both of them.

 

Hopefully you get your money back.

[Catdancer]

I true friend will always have your back, even when it hurts. If you love your friend, tell him how you feel. He'll probably get angry and mad at you for a while, but let him know that you have HIS best interests at heart and that you care about him. Dont tell him what to do or how to live his life, simply give your opinion and tell him that you will always be here for him. If you tell his gf off, you will only alienate yourself more. Good luck! Cat

[KAT MOMMY]

Sounds like you may be jealous of her and her hold on him...

and maybe in the back of your mind you might might be upset that you lead them to love while you got nothing from it.. but rather, you lost a friend.

i would do the best you could to hide those feelings. they would only alienate him from you instead of bring him closer. since they are together your most diplomatic move is going to be to accept that and not show him your contempt for his SO.

 

No ED not hardly if I wanted him trust me I could have had him a long time ago. He's not my type and I swear to you the way I feel towards him is the way I do for my brother or my cousin. Like there is nothing that there between us and he is a FRIEND> Nothing more nothing less. I actually did gain from it because I got a chance to see and hear my buddy smiling and grinning happy to be away from the dreaded wife.

 

I wouldn't call it contempt for his SO-really not. I put them together so he could get a piece of booty-not for him to wife her. A ho can never be a house wife and this is something that he could have avoided. Just spoke to him too and he didn't even know that she called me.

[EQD]

oh and for god sakes dont call either of them and try to put them in their place.. i dont think it will work. wasted energy if you will.

 

****i didnt mean in a specific romantic way in my first post btw

[KAT MOMMY]

I true friend will always have your back, even when it hurts. If you love your friend, tell him how you feel. He'll probably get angry and mad at you for a while, but let him know that you have HIS best interests at heart and that you care about him. Dont tell him what to do or how to live his life, simply give your opinion and tell him that you will always be here for him. If you tell his gf off, you will only alienate yourself more. Good luck! Cat

 

You are right-I am not going to go into it with her-she felt the need to call me and talk junk on my answering machine-totally indirect indeed but that is the way girls do.

 

I talked to him a minute ago and expressed my feelings toward the situaiton and he thanked me for keeping it real. He didn't get mad or anything he just told me he will come through when I get off.

[KAT MOMMY]

I wouldn't call him a friend if he told her what you said. I would stay as far away as possible from both of them.

 

Hopefully you get your money back.

 

I know and that is why it seems odd. He claimed she asked him to call and ask if they could come over and he told her that I didn't want to be bothered with her. WOW-he got this devil may care attitude and didn't bother to sugar coat it.

But I am going to take your advice and just get lost from them both.

 

 

The money is gone and I know I will get my blessings back soon enough

 

 

Thank you-appreciate your advice

[KAT MOMMY]

oh and for god sakes dont call either of them and try to put them in their place.. i dont think it will work. wasted energy if you will.

 

****i didnt mean in a specific romantic way in my first post btw

 

Oh indeed-no offense taken I just said what I did because in the first post you said something about me being jealous of her and the hold she has on him.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

He has to make his choices.

 

All you can really do is sit down and try to talk to him and tell him why you don't think she is right for him, without attacking her too much with name calling etc. because that might make him defensive.

 

He's your friend, but she isn't, so you don't have to see her. But if he has made the choice to be with her, and you've spoken your piece with him, not too much else you can do about it. You warned him.

[tangi39]

My two cents is this:

 

 

1. NO. Do not say or do anything further. You've already said your opinion.

 

2. You may not be as good of friends as you think if he basically sold you out to her and why is he giving her your number ? Weird.

 

3. It's his life and his choice.

 

4. You don't know how he is as an SO - you just keep hearing his side of things.

How do you know his wife wasn't a fantastic woman and he was a lousy husband ? How do you know he's not an abusive bf ? You don't. His gf might be horrible, she might be. But how do you know he's Mr. Fantastic ?

He might make a terrible SO. Knowing him as a friend does not make you privvy to lots of vital information.

 

It's his business. He's an adult. Leave it alone.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You gave your opinion on the situation...that is all you can do. Ulitmately it is his life and his choices. If you don't like her you can choose not to have anything to do with her...but know that you could jeopardize your friendship with him if you are adamant that she not be around when you are with him. If you want to continue the friendship, she is part of the deal regardless how you feel about her. Sometimes we just have to recognize that a friend or siblings partner is not ideal but that we are not living their life.

[KAT MOMMY]

My two cents is this:

 

 

1. NO. Do not say or do anything further. You've already said your opinion.

 

2. You may not be as good of friends as you think if he basically sold you out to her and why is he giving her your number ? Weird.

 

3. It's his life and his choice.

 

4. You don't know how he is as an SO - you just keep hearing his side of things.

How do you know his wife wasn't a fantastic woman and he was a lousy husband ? How do you know he's not an abusive bf ? You don't. His gf might be horrible, she might be. But how do you know he's Mr. Fantastic ?

He might make a terrible SO. Knowing him as a friend does not make you privvy to lots of vital information.

 

It's his business. He's an adult. Leave it alone.

 

I do understand where you are coming from-I do. I don't know what he is like as an husband /boyfriend and i don't care to know either. I know enough to know that it's not a good match and I swear I wish I had a friend like myself but I guess that is the downside of being in love with yourself *hugs

She already had my number when I gave it to him she took it too.

[KAT MOMMY]

You gave your opinion on the situation...that is all you can do. Ulitmately it is his life and his choices. If you don't like her you can choose not to have anything to do with her...but know that you could jeopardize your friendship with him if you are adamant that she not be around when you are with him. If you want to continue the friendship, she is part of the deal regardless how you feel about her. Sometimes we just have to recognize that a friend or siblings partner is not ideal but that we are not living their life.

 

I am surley not trying to live his life or tell him what to do-hey I got my own issues. But we were friends before she came along and if she ends the friendship the oh well! But at the end of the day my conscience can rest because I spoke to him and told him how and why I feel the way I do. It's either he heed the advice or not-I done all I felt inclined to do as a friend

[Excalibur]

Basically, if you don't respect his actions as they reflect a lesser character than you think he holds - tell him that.

 

But as a friend you want the best for him as he determines it to be - and he's determined this is it - you have to look at what he's determining is "best for him" not for whether you agree with it - but whether you admire and respect the chracter and intelligence that determined this was "best for him" as he defines it.

[tangi39]

I know enough to know that it's not a good match and I swear I wish I had a friend like myself

 

I know you mean well-

But if you felt "really in love" with someone despite their faults, would you listen to anyone trying to tell you to stay away from them ?

Just a thought.

[KAT MOMMY]

I know you mean well-

But if you felt "really in love" with someone despite their faults, would you listen to anyone trying to tell you to stay away from them ?

Just a thought.

 

 

You know what in the past I actually have and it screwed a lot of things up in the long run but at the same time I now know that those people were not my friends either.

 

At the end of the day the fact does remain that his loyalty doesn't lie with me-it's is that female he is with. I am just going to cut him off all the way and let him see for himself. Tried to save him but it seems he don't want to be saved. He's silly and at the same time naive and it is what it is-hey I tried and that's all I can do.

[tangi39]

hey I tried and that's all I can do.

 

Exactly. It's all you can do.

9 times out of 10 the person is going to choose the person they are having regular sex with over anyone else.