How did you function initially after a breakup

[SchecterGuy]

I just feel totally useless. If I am not thinking of her I obsess about how to move on. I cannot accomplish anything. My concentration is shot to hell. I put so much effort trying to think positive that I distract myself from day to day activities. I think about activities I am going to accomplish or hanging out with friends, but none of it seems to work. Work and school have become extremely difficult. How do you get past the constant distraction.

[broken-hearted]

I totally understand you, it sucks.

For me i had difficulty at work life everything, but with time things got better slowly but they did. I didnt just think about what activities i should start doing i went and done them, i joind a gym strait away, i started learning a new language, i started searching for a new job and applying for college, so i had things to wait for in the near future, but i still thought about the situation, it is unavoidable, you just have to fight through them, one day at a time! one day at a time!

[pinkelephant]

i mostly am just in shock at first. i can't cry, i'm not happy but i'm not sad. it's pretty normal. i mostly just focus on getting my grieve out and trying to cry. LOL

[Perfection]

I just feel totally useless. If I am not thinking of her I obsess about how to move on. I cannot accomplish anything. My concentration is shot to hell. I put so much effort trying to think positive that I distract myself from day to day activities. I think about activities I am going to accomplish or hanging out with friends, but none of it seems to work. Work and school have become extremely difficult. How do you get past the constant distraction.

 

hit the weight room bru. best release. hit the boxing bags (take a few classes before or you will turn/break your wrist). amazing release.

[joesonlineaucs]

hit the weight room bru. best release. hit the boxing bags (take a few classes before or you will turn/break your wrist). amazing release.

 

Agreed, either punching bag or weight lifting. For me it is something that I use to combat stress and have a full hour to clear my mind everyday. Start hitting them weights

[SchecterGuy]

Before all this happened I hit the gym regularly. Now when I go my workouts suck. I feel burntout quickly. All I can do is dwell. I guess I have the stereotypical Jew neuroticism. Everything I do makes me feel better for about 5 minutes, then I go back to feeling like crap. I am afraid I am going to destroy my life.

[Cognitive_Canine]

well, we broke up while sitting in the car together. At first I was shocked, then angry, the crying my eyes out, then okay. This was all in a period of 3 hours.

 

At the end, we ended up going to mcdonald's and having a good time. I am still sad but I'm working on it and hope to be friends again.

 

The situation in which we broke up was that it was due to me going to school 13 hours away. We tried long distance for a full school year but it was just too much for him. I understand his reasoning and know that it was for the right reasons. So, it wasn't as hard to deal with the breakup.

[islandj]

First few weeks would wake up at 3 and 4am usually after dreaming bout my ex, I felt very lonely, took a shower and went back to sleep, eventually youll star feeling much better..

[j0shua]

i didnt, lol.

 

i completely shut down. couldn't eat, work, sleep, fled to my moms house.

 

it gradually returns to you, but it sucks, and 7mos later i'm still off and on...

[ImThatGirl]

One hour at a time.

 

For a couple weeks, I honestly felt like I couldn't keep it together - would start crying at the littlest things - mostly at work. Thank goodness I work in a cubicle hidden.

 

With the belief and realization of who and what I really lost (rather than this character I had made him to be in my mind,) and positive thinking.... gradually better and better.

[SchecterGuy]

The worst part is the conscious realization that at this moment you are another person. I used to always be the first one to crack a joke. Now I rarely talk. Only to vent my frustration. I worry that at the other end of this I will be a different person and not for the better.

[Perfection]

Before all this happened I hit the gym regularly. Now when I go my workouts suck. I feel burntout quickly. All I can do is dwell. I guess I have the stereotypical Jew neuroticism. Everything I do makes me feel better for about 5 minutes, then I go back to feeling like crap. I am afraid I am going to destroy my life.

 

 

put some loud bone crushing, brain bruising music in your ears, put up a nice poster of keira knightley, natalie portman, anne hathaway, or emmanuelle chriqui etc on the wall and just let loose on those weights.

[SchecterGuy]

put some loud bone crushing, brain bruising music in your ears, put up a nice poster of keira knightley, natalie portman, anne hathaway, or emmanuelle chriqui etc on the wall and just let loose on those weights.

Hatebreed, Terror, Decapitated etc. get normal rotation on my headphones.

[mfurb33]

Hatebreed, Terror, Decapitated etc. get normal rotation on my headphones.

 

 

First off, great taste in music. Hatebreed's "Rise of Brutality" is actually kinda' inspiring, lyrically. Anyway...

 

I found myself doing everything you were during the initial phase of the break up...not eating, not sleeping, not laughing, not concentrating, etc...etc...but the one thing that helped me was that I knew why I was doing that...I knew that it was just part of the process and that, ultimately, I was in complete control over those emotions. Sure, I couldn't help them at the time...but just recognizing the "normality" of it and constantly reassuring myself that it was natural and that I needed to go through it in order to heal properly really helped out because I knew I could control them when I was ready.

 

Every day, just try to do one more thing that is good for you and positive, knowing that eventually you'll get it all back. Pace yourself...realize that you are really in control of your reactions. Eat one more meal than the day before...sleep one more hour than the night before...do a load of laundry that's been sitting there idle...you get the point. When you find yourself on the verge of tears, tell yourself "I know this is just part of the process, and that's okay because in time and with effort, this will pass" and then cry. But you HAVE to put effort into getting control back. Time alone won't do it.

[prettyhate]

in terms of music i am such a metal girl ahah i love darkest hour and hatebreed the IRONY of my situation is that my boyfriend is into what we call metal hardcore and mostly a lot is moralistic etc not straight edge but

HOW CAN HE LISTEN to the music that hates everything he has now become

its a joke.

sigh vent.

i just went for a run to a good oz band called parkway drive and i just have a mini fleeting endorphin hit

[pumpkinmoon]

I was a total wreck. I took over a month off work, I didn't leave the house or even get dressed. All I did was smoke and drink alcohol and coffee. I didn't eat for weeks and I lost over a stone in weight and I looked a complete mess. I didn't want to do anything at all. I was afraid to go to sleep because I hated waking up.

 

I then started going out with friends every now and then, and then it became more and more frequent and I really think it helped me. After almost 3 months I began to realise my self worth and started to feel a little better.

 

Looking back now I really do not know how I got through it but I did, and I think you just need to give it time and it will start to get better for you too. I hope this helps you in some way. x

[SchecterGuy]

in terms of music i am such a metal girl ahah i love darkest hour and hatebreed the IRONY of my situation is that my boyfriend is into what we call metal hardcore and mostly a lot is moralistic etc not straight edge but

HOW CAN HE LISTEN to the music that hates everything he has now become

its a joke.

sigh vent.

i just went for a run to a good oz band called parkway drive and i just have a mini fleeting endorphin hit

Never really got into that straight edge stuff. I mostly like metalcore/thrash, but I also get into black, death, hardcore etc. and even some hip-hop.

 

I think my problem is I am kind of developing a complex. Like that was my only chance at love. As for her I think I can pretty much get over not being with her specifically. I say it was my only chance at love because I am kind of shy. In college things were a lot easier because there were so many more opportunities for interaction. In the real world it is ten times more difficult to meet and greet. I see so many people around me that either a)constantly complain that it is impossible to meet a girl around here. b) are in a relationship. The relationship part does not make me jealous more as when you go on a trip with a big group and every girl is with her boyfriend kind of discourages you into thinking you can even find a single girl. I live in San Jose Ca. Affectionately known as Man Jose. I am white and the dominant race in my age group is asian. What happens is everyone who grew up here with their engineer parents went off to school to get their engineering degrees and they all come back and hang with their childhood friends. It is extremely cliquey here. I have like one friend out here (he is asian, but nowhere near as cliquey). He just happens to be very social and his group of friends is pretty large, but we do not hang out so often. Makes it a little more difficult.

 

Things I am doing to change my situation:

I am moving out of my place (roomate was horrible and is one of the causes of my breakup) and I am moving in with said friend and another guy.

Going to try to go to the gym more.

Going to look for a new job in my company. Right now I work with all guys in a small group. I need to surround myself with new/more people. Everyone's personality here clashes so much that we do not really interact.

I am going to go to a Yoga class on saturday mornings.

Going to start going to Synagogue again. Used to go, but everyone in the congregation was like 50 or older. Hopefully this one has some people closer to my age. With this I have also started praying again. I have no plans in becoming a Torah thumper because that is so not me. But maybe some faith in my life will be therapeautic and if g-d is watching me he will help a bruva out.

Going to see a psychologist. Maybe a professional can help me through this tough time (I hope to avoid drugs).

Start grocery shopping at prime time for my age group. For some reason Thursday night has a ton of girls shopping at Safeway.

I planned this before I fell into this mindsate, but I am going to Europe for a couple of weeks. Maybe spending some real time with my family in a comfortable environment will be therapeautic.

When I study (MBA student) I now go to coffee shops and bookstores. Someway to get out of the house and hopefully interact with young girls. (I am 25 btw).

As for not eating, I have been getting my appetite by kind of eating unhealthy. I figure right now I need the calories anyway I can get it so junk food may not be so bad. I have lost a lot of weight so I am not too worried about being fat. Hopefully I can get my tone back though. With this I am also going to start taking a multi-vitamin and fish oil. I hear these tend to help mood.

 

I am trying. I cannot say if any of this will help. It is kind of overwhelming because I am making so many life changes. All I can do is hope and maybe something will come along to take away the pain.

[Murasaki]

When you're going through hell . . . keep going.

 

I couldn't function, as soon as I woke up I wanted to fall back asleep, I would lay in bed miserable in the morning, I couldn't focus on anything, every monotonous task I did led me to thinking about what could have been, it was hard on me at work, when I was with friends my mind was somewhere else, I considered every bit of fun I had a bit of revenge against her, etc. etc. In short, I was a mess, but it got better with the help of NC and this site.

[Pelle]

You are so young. You will find someone for sure. You sound like a smart, nice guy - and the right woman will appreciate you for those qualities. Just keep plugging along - it will get better.