Confused :(

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

Hi there everyone, how's it going?

 

Well, this is a fairly long one so I hope you're ready for a somewhat long story.

 

I'm 17, and so is my girlfriend. Been together for coming up for 10 months now. Around about 5 months in, we both confessed to each other that we are in love, never got mushy or sentimental constantly, but we were certainly a little more affectionate to each other. However, about 2 weeks ago she explained to me that she wasn't in love with me, but still had a mass amount of feelings for me and wanted to be with me. Now can you see where the problem is? Basically, I feel like the whole time I've been strung along and lied to, despite her telling me on quite a few occasions she loves me with all her heart etc.

 

So at that point I was gutted, to say the least. The fact that I am in love with this girl, but she does not feel the same is horrible, it antagonises you beyond belief. I started telling her that we obviously want different things, and that it just feels too one sided now to continue with this. At that point she just hung up, called back a few minutes later crying her eyes out telling me that she still wants to be with me etc etc etc. I have been trying to stay in this relationship, but again; it feels completely one sided. It all seems to be what she wants, and if she can't have it she takes a tantrum. I'm considering just ending it with her because she could have atleast done the decent thing and talked to me about this from the start instead of stringing me along like some lost dog.

 

Some more background, now she's a bigboobed girl, but that's not the reason I'm with her. She attracts quite alot of male attention, which by enlarge I don't mind because let's face it; you can't stop every guy from hitting on your woman. But I do believe it's her responsibility to tell the guy to back off because she's taken, so when a guy starts talking to her about her boobs, instead of subtley changing the subject; she elaborates on it and teases them. I mean * * * is that? I don't even flirt with other girls, she knows that. I feel like I'm being played for a fool.

 

She's on holiday with her parents right now, and to be honest... I feel free and happy. I know that when she comes back, it will just be back to the same get what she wants or she'll go in a bit of a huff. My grandma and dad are telling me that there is something funny about her and to be quite honest, I'm starting to see what they mean. She doesn't giving a flying F*** about me. When she was telling me she wasn't in love with me but still wanted to be with me, I asked her what about my feelings? I mean, she was setting conditions for the relationship, such as only 2 kisses in a text, or no longer telling each other we love each other etc. Then when it came to me expressing my opinion, she didn't want to hear any of it.

 

Again, I'm just getting to the point where I'm wondering if I'll be happier being single, but at the same time I still love her despite what's happening.

 

I'm just really confused.

 

 

Can anyone help me out here please?

 

 

Thanks

[RobinSC]

I know this may not be the opinion you want to hear, but at only 17 years old, going your own ways for now may be the best thing. I think it could be good for you to experience the companionship of someone different. You will learn more about yourself and what you want from a relationship by seeing more people and at this point of your life that is important.

 

More important at your age though are your education and the beginning of your career over the next few years. Spending a lot of your time on trying to figure out love and the opposite sex will only get in the way and provide larger obstacles for you down the road. Enjoy your youth and some freedom for the next few years to come. If there truly is something to be had with this current girl, then stay in touch and it will eventually come about because the feelings are real.

 

My own personal experience saw me finding my teenage girlfriend again after we graduated college and completed internships, and we both knew we wanted to see if the old feelings still existed. It was a great experience and we both learned that we wanted different things in our lives that we maybe would not have found out until much later if we had not parted when we did.

[aquabluesands]

Hmmm sounds like quite a loaded relationship for being so young...

about the bigboobs and other guys attention: the way she handles it is not cool and honestly she probably just likes the attention from new people (how are her family relationships? maybe she doesnt get enough attention at home from her parents ect.), have you tried telling her you didn't like the way she handled it? My advice is if you really like her or love her, you could wait patiently until she feels the same but if your dad and grandma are telling you somethings up they are probably right, older people have experience and they are not disillusioned, they are giving u an outside perspective and they are family so you know they are lookin out for ya.

[civilservant]

This sounds like a typical example of growing up and growing apart, I'm sorry to say that it may have run it's course and it may be better for you to go your separate ways.

[perceval]

Hey pushedaside,

 

from what you describe and the way you describe it, it seems obvious to me that you have misgivings about this relationship as well. There is a simple rule to relationships: In order for a (longterm) relationship to work properly it must have mutual love at its core. It does not make sense to pretend that things are O.K. for you while you know exactly that she does not love you back and is likely to break up anytime soon (and there are two very clear indicators: her confession that she does not love you and her willingness to talk about sexual issues with other men). Maybe you should give her one last chance and talk with her about it; ask her what it is that makes her want to continue the relationship if it is not for love.

 

Sometimes life demands of us to take painful decisions; so it might be time for you to reflect on whether or not you see a common future for the two of you.

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

To be perfectly honest with you, these were the answers I was expecting. I am actually at the point that I feel I would be happier being single, it would be a huge weight off my shoulders. The fact that she takes in so much male attention is annoying, and that's putting it lightly. I don't mind her meeting up with guy friends or anything like that, it's the simple fact she doesn't handle any situation with an ounce of respect for anyone but herself. Such as telling a guy that she's taken etc.

 

Another instance is when I'm working, and she txts me, I obviously can't txt back straight away. About 5 minutes later she'll * * * * * and whine with a text such as: "Well gee, thanks for f****g texting back, all I wanted was some company but I guess that's too much to ask".

 

She doesn't appreciate anything I do for her, I take her out, I bought her a ring for her birthday. I give her the best sex according to her, I get nothing back. Little to no physical affection, intimacy. I just feel trapped, I'm miserable when I'm meant to be happy. It's like playing ping pong by yourself, you hit the ball to the other side but it doesn't come back.

 

Thanks for the advice everyone

[xXPusHedAsiDeXx]

Basically her reason is that she wants to have fun instead of our relationship being serious. But the fact is we never went beyond "Serious". Sure we've had our intimate moments where we express our emotions to each other, that happened occasionally, not too often. But for the most part we were just taking it as it goes, weren't planning anything such as marriage or anything like that. Now, she expects me to just go on in the relationship as if nothing happened, like my feelings were meaningless to the point of non-existence.

 

I'm tired of trying and trying for her sake, I just feel it's time to let her go and get on with my life because the selfishness and lack of respect is just tiring me out.

 

The thing is, before this happened; I would go as far as saying that I was the happiest man alive. But now, I just can't be bothered because I feel like my efforts are going to go in vain. She obviouslys believes she needs other men's attention other than my own in order to feel good about herself, she's a simple attention seeker and to be honest, I'm starting to notice and let the bad qualities of her get to me on a much higher level ever since that incident.

 

The thing is, I don't want to break up with her and regret it later on. At the same time I want to feel free of this tiring fight to regain that intimacy and connection we used to have with each other.