Haven't had sex in two months... I feel so inadequate

[WadeCure]

My girlfriend and I before this year would have sex fairly regularly, maybe once every two weeks on average. We've been together nearly two years (will be two years this September). But this year, 2008, we've probably had sex no more than five times. The last time was two months ago.

 

When we have sex, I never initiate. She always initiates. I'm scared to initiate because she very often times doesn't like to be touched and the few times that I actually have tried she would reject me. During this sexual drought she would always tell me that she found me "hot" and she says she wants to have sex with me but always "later that evening". Well everytime "later that evening" never comes.

 

She also teases me a lot but never follows through, making sexual gestures and such. It really bothers me when she does this. Just last night she come to bed without her shirt on and started making out with me. This was after earlier that day again she would say "I wanted to have sex with you all the time and would later this evening" I started to get very turned on. I put the brakes on though at that point. She made lip motions like she wanted more kissing, and I told her "no" because "you're turning me on." But she smiled so I gave in and we made out some more. But then... she rolls over and wouldnt take it any further... leaving me extremely extremely aroused. I go to the bathroom frustratingly at that point and had to relieve myself.

 

I know my girlfriend has body issues. She absolutely loathes her body. I love her body and think every inch of it is beautiful, and I have told her this, but she doesn't believe me. She doesn't believe that I want her. And I do want her... so very bad. I don't know how to make it clear to her when a) she doesn't believe me and b) she always rejects when i try to initiate sex. I am frustrated.

 

This is a big problem for me... I don't know what I can do to move past it. I don't want to break up the relationship but I have needs. And I feel selfish for it. I have been looking for ways to decrease my libido. It's insane because at one time her libido was much higher than mine, and now all of a sudden hers is nil and mine has skyrocketed. I don't know if there are any drugs that could possibly decrease a persons sex drive. Maybe some anti-depressant or something... but I'm seriously trying to look into it. Because it's killing me that I desire this girl so much, she always teases me, and I always get my hopes up for intimacy, to always get let down.

 

I have never asked her what the problem is or anything. I never pressure her for sex. I just wish she desired me like she used to. I feel very depressed and inadequate.

[DN]

She's teasing you because she enjoys seeing your reaction. Not a healthy or nice thing to do.

 

If I were you I would get out now - who needs someone who can play nasty games like that.

[alli]

I can't imagine it's a good idea to take pills to eliminate libido, something perfectly normal that you really should have. You say she finds herself very unattractive. Now, is she honestly normal looking or maybe overweight? Not that its something to be ashamed of, but if you tell her that she's attractive & there is honestly something about her that most people perceive as unattractive, then of course she thinks you're lying even if you aren't. Does she have an eating disorder? Body Dysmorphic Disorder? Does she try to avoid looking in mirrors? It must be pretty embedded in her mind that she is unattractive if she can't even have sex. She should probably see a therapist. It wouldn't be easy getting her to see one. "You think I'm crazy?". And besides that, treatment can get expensive and most psychiatrists are under Managed Care. Is she in college or the military? Many colleges & the military (to an extent) offers psychological treatment.

[alli]

My guess is she has the desire to be with you but is too ashamed of her appearance to be with you. Even before your "dry spell".. once every couple of weeks isn't really that often. This doesn't sound like a new thing. It sounds like something that has just gotten worse.

[dibo80]

Communication. You need to sit her down and talk. And decreasing your libido is the weirdest thing I ever heard. Why would you want to pay for medication every month that is going to do a lot more to your body then just decreasing libido. If she won't give you any reasons or talk to you abou it, I will tell you right now that this is something you should consider breaking up with her over. You don't want to spend the rest of your life in an unhappy relationship. If you really love her and she loves you, get counseling. But you can't be in such a sexually frusterating relationship with a woman that messes with your head. She sounds like a controlling wench who loves having power over you.

[WadeCure]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

Anyway. She definitely has problems with her body. This is very very established. I think she's unbelievably hot, to be blunt. She absolutely turns me on in every single way. But to answer a posters question, yes she is overweight. It's not substantial. She's not obese. But she is overweight to be objective. It is not enough for me to not consider her very sexually attractive. I have asked her to go to a therapist over her body issues before and that has not worked. She is very unhappy with a lot of things in her life right now (except me, she says.)