Is imperfection in a relationship meant to be?

[mspandaroo]

My boyfriend and I broke up from a very serious relationship where we lived together and dated for practically 4.5 years. While dating, we were practically married. His family lived downstairs (we lived in a pretty big place), and his mom called me the "daughter she never had". When we broke up, I felt like I lost part of my family — it was very hard.

 

So I decided to move accross the country and started a completely new life — new apartment, new job, new friends, etc.

 

Before I moved, I had a few rebounds. They were fun and I ended up becoming friends with the guys, but nothing serious.

 

 

The first week, after I moved here, I met this wonderful guy, who seemed perfect for me in every way, but because I was so nervous about getting serious, after my long breakup, I decided to wait it out and keep dating. My plan didn't work as expected — I went on about 9 different dates and kept seeing the wonderful guy and to make a long story short, we decided to become exclusive.

 

I have been really happy since committing to him, it's been about 2 months, except I have one serious problem, which really bugs me.

 

There are some times when he is into his own life and does not pay any attention to me, where I think "oh well, what if this doesn't work out? i can always meet someone else". I feel SPACE is really good for a relationship, but for some reason the space makes me feel SO insecure. I wonder if I rushed into the relationship too fast, but honestly I felt like I didn't want to give up someone so amazing, so smart, so wonderful.

 

Maybe it's because I work freelance fulltime and can basically do whatever I want with my time and work whenever i want. I need a life outside of him, but I know that I am needy and want to be with someone who devotes their entire life to me.

 

I can't figure out if I am ridiculously insecure, an attention wh0re or need to be with someone who will give me everything I want. Nobody is perfect at all, but it would be nice to find someone who I felt 100% content with — is that impossible? Is imperfection in a relationship meant to be?

[dibo80]

I understand how you feel. I have feelings like that too sometimes even in my current 3 year relationship - i actually just wrote about my insecurities in another post. I don't know why I feel the way I do either. What I do know is that you should be happy. I'm not really sure what you mean by he doesn't pay attention to you - does he hardly see you? does he hardly call you? Or does he just like talking about himself and doesn't want to ever listen to you? I'm sure you are insecure though, having been so close to someone and their family and then losing all of it. It's understandable to feel the way you do. But 2 months isn't a long time - you should be having fun in these early moments of a relationship, not worrying whether you're going to end up marrying the guy.

[mspandaroo]

wow. that makes SO much sense. I should just have a good time, it just feels like i am around the age, almost 26, where it feels like everyone around me is getting settled in and married and I don't want to be hurt again. thanks for your reply, it was really helpful.

[dibo80]

I know how it feels to be unsure in a relationship and want something stable - i can only imagine moving accross the country and not knowing anyone! Just remember, you don't want to "settle" for anything then the best. If you like the guy then go along with it and see what happens, but don't try to make it something that it's not. If the more you get to know him and you're not happy, don't stay in the relationship because it's what's comfortable or it's all you have. You deserve the best of the best. A lot of people are married because they just want to be married and have a family. That's what society has always been about. You can be extremely happy and not be married - so don't think about the future so much. Live for the now!

[Whiplash Girl Child]

I feel SPACE is really good for a relationship, but for some reason the space makes me feel SO insecure. I wonder if I rushed into the relationship too fast, but honestly I felt like I didn't want to give up someone so amazing, so smart, so wonderful.

 

 

Any time you feel insecure and cannot seem to tolerate the space, just remember this:

 

It's extremely important to give our significant others the space that they need. Spending time apart every now and then gives a couple a chance to miss each other, to overly-desire each other, to anticipate being together again. Might I also add that: 1. People do not generally like it when they feel as if their significant other depends on them or comes accross as being emotionally needy; 2. People do not like it when they feel as if their significant other is trying to pin them down or cage them.

 

On another note . . .

 

I think that in the beginning of a relationship, it can be difficult to give the other the space that they might need because, well, the relationship is still new, you're still extremely excited to have met that person, most things about that person and your relationship seem to be perfect, etc. . . . it's kinda hard not to want to spend a lot of time with them.

 

Thankfully, as time goes by, as the relationship progresses, things will get MUCH easier to deal with. In addition, as you had suggested earlier, it will definitely help to have your own things (i.e. hobbies, friends, etc.) going for you.

[Daddy Bear]

I feel SPACE is really good for a relationship, but for some reason the space makes me feel SO insecure.

 

You might want to work on that. It's going to be a problem for you unless you hook up with Clingy McClingerton - and most people get tired of him PDQ.

[mspandaroo]

thanks guys. i agree with you all.