Beginning to fall out of love?

[clean_slate]

I detailed my current issues with my girlfriend in this thread-

 

I'm beginning to wonder if all of this has made me love her less. I've noticed that anytime I see an attractive woman the past few days, I have the desire to look at her. And these aren't just friendly "she's cute" glances. These are "damn, I would like to do *blank* with her" looks. Ugh. I haven't had these feelings and desires to look at other women since before my relationship started over a year ago. I didn't need to find attraction in anyone else, because I had my girlfriend. I feel horrible about this, and I fear I may be beginning the early stages of falling out of love. What's more, I spent a while today checking out online dating sites. kinda scoping out the field.

 

Is this normal behavior for someone who feels cheated on? I know I still love my girlfriend, because if I didn't, I wouldn't feel bad about any of this.

[tangi39]

Clean Slate,

 

Why do you keep blaming yourself ? Your gf checked out of your relationship FAR before you even thought about it.

You don't just feel cheated on, you were cheated on and you continue to be cheated on. You are not being treated well.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have dumped her LONG ago.

I think you are doing what is natural, looking for someone who will treat you right. IMO, that is what you should be doing. I HIGHLY advise you to break up with your gf right away and start dating again.

What your feeling is perfectly normal considering what you've been through.

You're not married, you're not engaged. You were just dating. I see no reason to keep hanging onto someone who is ambivalent towards you.

And certainly you have no reason to feel guilty about these thoughts and feelings.

Love need to be reciprocal. If it's not- there's no reason to hang on. Love means nothing unless it's returned. If it's not, as much as you may love someone, what's the point ?

I think it's time to move on and find someone who will reciprocate.

[Merri]

I'm not going to tell you to break up with her. That's gotta be something you're comfortable with. I went through something similar with my fiance who just ended things with me on Sunday. I never cheated on him but he had trust issues with me and now has developed feelings for someone he works with. I think we all want to find someone that will love us and cherish us and accept us for who we are flaws and all and sometimes we can love someone with all out heart and not get it back in return but the thought of leaving something we're used to is scary. Just follow your heart and your gut. If you think she's cheating and there's no way you guys can work it out then yes....I would recommend leaving but I wouldn't jump into another relationship right away. Sometimes we need time to reflect on the things that went wrong. Right now I'm focusing on fixing some of my own flaws so that I can continue to grow and mature for myself and my children. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to...I believe that anyway. I wish you both luck! Just make sure you don't sell yourself short. It's one thing to love another but it's another thing to not be loved in return.

[Excalibur]

Of course it's made you "love her less".

 

People are with people that they believe are an accurate reflection of their worth - to the outside world.

 

HEre's this girl over here with a married man, bringing him around you, them flirting and doing everything "but" in public.....you see her as someone of low class and standards, that doesn't reflect well on you in your subliminal image - and you think less of her as a result and want less association becuase of it.

 

Feelings are a result of thoughts. Feelings are not facts, goals, calls to action, tools of cognition or "fixed".