Eye Contact leads to talking, phone numbers, dates.... Easy as 1, 2, 3

[ImThatGirl]

There was a thread on here last week questioning eye contact and if there is a way to determine if someone is interested according to eye contact. As well as next steps, what to say, etc...

 

Friday, I sort of got blown off as far as plans go. I went with my parents to the casino and the Davy Jones concert.

 

Blew a few bucks at the casino (learned my lesson - can't win every time,) had dinner and a couple drinks with my parents while watching the concert. Then - decided I'd go sign up for a rewards card (to enter in a drawing for a BMW... lol)

 

I had walked around already and noticed eye contact all over the place which made me think of that thread... Went to the line for rewards and noticed a guy eyeing me. Eyes locked and it was just clear. No questions - I could talk to him, etc. He was with his family though. So I finished through the line, talking to the other people in line like I've known them forever. Went into the casino again, found a spot. Played a bit, looked up and that guy and his friend were nearby. Called them over and told them I had a question about the reward program we just signed up for. Spent the rest of the evening playing and sitting at a table talking to this guy. Also talked with the janitor, the waitress, and a professor from a good college in our state. Went and watched fireworks as well with them.

 

Phone numbers exchanged. Text messages, couple phone calls. Possibility of dinner both yesterday and today (I declined - busy.)

 

Anyway - I just don't understand shyness I guess. To me, meeting people seems SO incredibly easy. Self confidence and less priority of meeting "the one" I think helps.

 

Rejection seems to be one thing that people bring up often. Fear of rejection I should say. I don't understand that either. So you talk to someone or say hello and they don't seem responsive. That shouldn't effect someones entire mood. It shouldn't be a huge deal...? Guess I'm just interested in what keeps you guys / girls from talking to people if you are interested in making friends or meeting people...

[Cognitive_Canine]

It does help that you are pretty though.

 

A lot of shy people have poor body image. They don't get asked out because they have poor body image. There inability to give dates gives them more poor body image. Cycles.

 

I find it easy for myself to make friends and dates easily too. But, not everyone is as lucky when it comes to looks and a gregarious personality. I had to practice to become less awkward.

[ProtestTheHero]

It does help that you are pretty though.

 

Bingo. If you weren't, I wonder if there would have been any eye contact at all. I don't think anyone has ever said that it's difficult for pretty women to meet people.

[ImThatGirl]

That makes sense. But - I don't have a great self image all the time. It's something I have to work on as well. I have to put effort into looking pretty. I'm not one of those natural beauties that can roll out of bed and go out looking beautiful.

 

I used to be really shy.. Oohhhh about 14 years ago (my high school years.) Wouldn't talk to anyone less they talked to me first.

 

I used to really have a problem with my self image. Hated the way I looked. Then I started forcing myself to think "I look beautiful" everytime I looked in a mirror. Or changing things about myself that I didn't like. I think everyone / anyone can do that. Self confidence is indeed needed to meet people and be sociable. But there's this quote I use to think of "Fake it til you make it...." Now it's easy.

[ImThatGirl]

I had to practice to become less awkward.

 

Some people seem to just give up... Practice, practice, practice.... It gets better and easier. It helped you, didn't it?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah, same here. I used to be the fat girl growing up. I not only worked on my outer image but the way that I thought about myself.

 

In 6th grade, I barely even spoke.

 

It's just so hard to help people understand how to work on themselves but it truly does work.

[ImThatGirl]

Yeah, same here. I used to be the fat girl growing up. I not only worked on my outer image but the way that I thought about myself.

 

In 6th grade, I barely even spoke.

 

It's just so hard to help people understand how to work on themselves but it truly does work.

 

Don't mean to post several times but have to respond to this one.

 

In elementary, I was the poor fat girl... in a rich community of beautiful kids. We moved when I was 14 to a small town that was very tight knit. I didn't do well with that... So quiet and missed so many opportunity's because of such a poor, poor self image.

 

Even now, I have 2 children, never been married. That was a real weight for awhile. I understood how I got where I was and am at. But how would other people? I used to think that I'd not be accepted by anyone. Now I'm pretty much comfortable in my own skin. And accepted by many.

[ProtestTheHero]

The world would be a fantastic place if beauty could be earned, I think. Unfortunately, there are plenty of skinny/in shape men and women whose facial features or other characteristics keep them from being attractive to the opposite sex.

 

I'm not sure if any amount of social prowess can overcome that setback, not to mention the fact that it's hard to become a social butterfly when one isn't particularly pleasant looking becase casting the spotlight on yourself in such a way can open you up to ridicule.

 

I think that a lot of these "shy" people might not even truly be shy, they just believe that stepping forward from a crowd of anonymity would get them teased or they'd be bashed for trying.

 

Not too sure if it's possible to help anyone with this problem.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Actually, I have found that a lot of people can become attractive if they only knew how to style their hair and what clothes worked for them. Of course not all but I have helped a few people out.

[Daligal83]

It's just not that easy for everyone. Like the others said, you are very pretty. You get that attention from guys. For me, I try to make eye contact with someone and it's not returned. That definitely does not encourage you to go up and talk to them. It does get pretty defeating after awhile. It also doesn't help with the only time guys come up to you is to talk to your pretty friend. You get stuck on the sidelines.

 

And I'm not a shy person. As my best friend says, I could talk to a tree for twenty minutes. I make friends wherever I go, because I know that I'm a good friend and that usually works out for me. But I don't get the attention from guys in that way like I do in a friend way from people. That discourages me to go up and talk to a guy because from my experience, it's just not going to go well. Why put myself through that?

[ImThatGirl]

But it is possible, Ty. I believe that anything is possible though...

 

There are things I could focus on constantly that would lead me to being less sociable and comfortable.

 

My teeth... oh I don't like them the best. They aren't terrible but I don't like them.

 

Other features... skin - it's not flawless smooth all the time. Hate that.

 

My body. Oh how I need to go to the gym and tone... I've got extra weight in places I've never had it before.. (have had issues with eating in the past but finally accepted myself.)

 

I just learned to overcome those things. I guess my wish would be that others would try to as well. Really, truly try to overcome their discomfort with themselves...

[ImThatGirl]

I'll check back in in a few... I just want to say.. lol I wish I had time to take a picture of myself now... No make up, unruly hair (went swimming today.) I put a dress on and cute sandals... I don't look glorious by any means but eh... I don't know - I guess I don't want to be judged as the cute girl that doesn't truly understand.

 

As debaser said above - with making changes (hairstyle, clothing, accomplishments, etc.) it gets easier...

[Daligal83]

It only helps to an extent. I can dress cute, do my hair, and put on make up and I STILL don't get noticed. I honestly do don't that too much because it's just not me. I try to always dress in a way that flatters my body and usually my clothes are cute. I do my hair every other day, otherwise it's in a ponytail. But I only wear makeup if I'm really going out. I don't wear it on a daily basis and I don't want to. And honestly, if a guy is only attracted to me while I'm wearing it, then he's just not attracted to me.

 

My point is though that I can do all those things to make myself more attractive, yet apparently I'm still not attractive enough. I've been single since April and have not yet been asked out. OK I was asked out in a very odd way in the parking lot of Target, but was not about to go for that. I've been on one date because my friend set me up and we were not attracted to each other. It's pretty pathetic.

[Lily04]

Hey... I find it so inspiring that you're like this. Kudos to you! I used to be very confident and like this last year. Running in a school election was a great gift for me, because I FORCED myself to go up and talk with everyone - I needed to do that to win. And it was soo incredibly easy; I went up to the frat house. I didnt even tell them my platform and they just got in a line and voted for me. Same thing at other public places - I would just smile and say "hey, can you vote for me? it's really important to me" and guys would just smile and be like "sure." it was almost pathetic. Only one grad student who probably questioned my ethics asked what the heck my platform was and the girls - I would always do a spiel then. But most guys didn't all that much care. That experience improved my self-confidence tons and I would even go up to guys at bars and hit on them!

 

Somehow, though, that person faded and I became incredibly self-conscious. Before that experience (I had a great campaign manager which really helped my confidence though), I was very introverted, shy, and could never talk with people. I was on an extreme diet then and credited the attention I got to being super skinny. I then lost a ton of weight & almost became anorexic so it got scary... I still feel "fat" and am currently trying to diet... I think you look OK in your display pic. Also, you're 30, not like 21 or whatever, so I think it's awesome that you have such youthful confidence. But when did you become like this? Did you always have confidence in your college years and how much effort do you put into your appearance? I think I really have to practice confident self-talk but at the moment, I'm not totally happy with my appearance. Then again, when am I lol.....

[ProtestTheHero]

Yeah I suppose, but clothes to me at least seem pretty minor. A pretty girl is attractive whether she's wearing a dress, jeans, or sweats to a morning class...being in college I've seen em do all three things. Sure, clothes can look nice, but I'm attracted to people not cloth, lol.

 

I think the best thing you can do is work out. Only tried and tested way of bettering yourself IMO.

 

Hair, yeah, I guess, if you got something crazy going on or are rocking the side part crew cut as a guy.

 

The rest of it is just genes I suppose.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah I suppose, but clothes to me at least seem pretty minor. A pretty girl is attractive whether she's wearing a dress, jeans, or sweats to a morning class...being in college I've seen em do all three things. Sure, clothes can look nice, but I'm attracted to people not cloth, lol.

 

I think the best thing you can do is work out. Only tried and tested way of bettering yourself IMO.

 

Hair, yeah, I guess, if you got something crazy going on or are rocking the side part crew cut as a guy.

 

The rest of it is just genes I suppose.

 

Man, for me, something as simple as a right bra changes everything about the way I look.

[Daligal83]

I workout six days a week and work with a personal trainer at least once a week. Trust me, I'm trying and it's not getting any better.

[Lily04]

I workout six days a week and work with a personal trainer at least once a week. Trust me, I'm trying and it's not getting any better.

 

what isn't getting better? your weight loss? maybe you need a new routine. Sometimes when we do things too often without flux, our body sort of adapts to it, and it doesn't become so effective. It's like when you become resistant to a type of medication because you've been taking it so long - it loses its effect. If you're doing running, I'd suggest increasing the intensity of your routine instead of doing it for a longer time period.

 

Or do you mean your self-esteem isn't getting better? sorry, i didnt read this whole thread so I dont know.. .just curious.

[Lily04]

Actually, I have found that a lot of people can become attractive if they only knew how to style their hair and what clothes worked for them. Of course not all but I have helped a few people out.

 

I completely agree. I know people who went from boring to amazing with just a haircut or new hair style. Oprah had a whole series on it. But it takes money. My sister is like model beautiful and my cousin was a Gucci model.. they were both not that well off, but simple clothes could look good on them because of their body type. I'm also goodlooking, but have a pretty bad haircut at the moment which really makees me insecure and an athletic, swimmer body (i.e. too broad shoulders, sort of broad hips, but thin waist... but I have to be much more careful about clothes because of it.) I can look like a whale in some outfits but beautiful in others, it really depends. My setback is: I don't have $1000 for hair extensions and buying new and fashionable clothes to take me from jsut "a regular pretty girl" to like really pretty and attractive... it really upsets me. I think money is definitely a factor if you want a new wardrobe and so not everyone is evenly placed. Ugly girls with a lot of money for facials, clothes, hair, etc. can become beautiful.

[Cognitive_Canine]

well, as far as clothes, yes, it does take money.

 

I do most of my shopping at american eagle. Their jeans are just perfect for my body type.

 

It's like 40 dollars a pair there which really cuts into my budget. But, it's pretty worth it since I pretty much will live out of a pair.

 

Probably the most expensive thing that made me more attractive was my 7 years of orthodontic surgery and braces. My entire jawline was reformed. I had to have 5 teeth pulled and tons of rubber bands, spacers, jaw wideners, brackets, retainers, and pain....

 

As a total, it cost my mother 5,000 dollars. But, it's probably one of the best things that happened to me.

[Lily04]

hmm... I dont know. I used to get a lot more attention than I did now, and I think it may have been because I was only 5-10 lbs. lighter and had a better haircut. I'm still the same person underneath, pretty much, and I still have a perfect complexion, perfect teeth, nice smile, nice eyes... my face is the same but maybe not just as chiselled. I don't really understand it... like, even THEN when I was 9/10 perfect in looks, let's say...when I was running in the election & made sure I looked perfect... guys WOULD NOT really approach me all that much. *I* had to go to them but they would always be happy to chat. Now, I don't find the same and it's only a year later. Why? I don't know. Because I gained 5 lbs? Maybe. I'm going on a diet and going to test it out... but even then, as a really pretty girl, let's say, I STILL never had guys coming up to me. They would just chat up a storm with me when *I* would go to them.

 

my friends say they're probably intimidated by me... maybe that's it? Most recently, I have approached a guy at a bar (not because I was really attracted to him but because I was broke & just hoping he would offer a drink LOLll) and he didnt flirt with me and I think that decreased my confidence. Now, I won't go up to guys anymore unless I really feel a mutual connection between us, with eye contact. I didnt even really LOOK or flirt with him, I just struck a convo. I think maybe connection/sociability may be a reason for it too. How comfortable and how well you click with people. I only had 1 boyfriend in university so it's not like I had a million guys all over me either. My sister who isn't all that much prettier than me but a lot more confident, does though. She's 19 and has had 6-7 boyfriends I think,..it may be personality/vibe too...

[Cognitive_Canine]

yeah, I rarely have guys approach me unless I give them the vibe that I want them to come over back at them.

[Daligal83]

I meant that me getting attention is not getting any better. I can't say if my body is getting better because I'm so critical of myself. My trainer says he can see a different and some of my friends do, but they also know how I feel about my body and want to build up my confidence in that area. I just saw some friends that I haven't seen in like 6 months and they didn't notice a difference. You can only fight genetics to a certain point though. I can make myself stronger, but I won't achieve that attractive body type. Although it can't just be that either. Today at the grocery store, I was picking out fruit and this guy on the other side looked up at the same time I did. Didn't get a second look after that.

 

I'm confident about everything except looks. I think that's why I make friends easily, but then it's not about looks. It's about personality and I'm good with that.

[Lily04]

well, as far as clothes, yes, it does take money.

 

I do most of my shopping at american eagle. Their jeans are just perfect for my body type.

 

It's like 40 dollars a pair there which really cuts into my budget. But, it's pretty worth it since I pretty much will live out of a pair.

 

Probably the most expensive thing that made me more attractive was my 7 years of orthodontic surgery and braces. My entire jawline was reformed. I had to have 5 teeth pulled and tons of rubber bands, spacers, jaw wideners, brackets, retainers, and pain....

 

As a total, it cost my mother 5,000 dollars. But, it's probably one of the best things that happened to me.

 

I used to love AE jeans too, and they're pretty cheap (at least where I live, I think it was around 20-30 dollars, can't totally remember.) But I found they expanded too quickly and would rip A LOT... i.e. very poor quality. They were cheap but too poorly quality... I like Guess? jeans, but they're quite expensive. I bought one pair and that also ripped a bit actually, so I dont even know what I like anymore... I like their styles though, and colours, for sure. The price tag not so much... I haven't bought jeans in a while though. I think the last pair I got was from Hollister & that's lasted me well. They have some good ones too...

 

But yeah, my sister would get mad at me because I did most of my shopping at Guess?/Marciano last year (when I had a good job) but never got that much stuff because one shirt would be like $100. I could have bought like 5 shirts for that price, so it wasn't that economical. I now agree with her shopping philosophy and get lower priced/less good quality stuff for cheaper, but still hopefully will look good on me. Again, it's tough because of my body type... I don't know exactly what - I guess I'm tall, and broad shouldered and that's the main problem.

[Lily04]

yeah, I rarely have guys approach me unless I give them the vibe that I want them to come over back at them.

 

what do you mean "I want them to come over back at them"??? sorry, dont understand...