lust4life Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I don't know if this is a break up or not, all I know is that this is torture. He says he loves me & always will. That if I ever need someone to talk to he'll be there...etc. But, he can't focus on a serious relationship right now, he says. He needs to focus on finding himself, going to school, working, and surviving. He tells me his priorities have changed, the most important things to him now are getting an education, working 24/7, and surviving. There is no mention of us, or even me. He says we've gotta focus on ourselves & we can't have a serious relationship right now, that it's not fair to ask that of him right now. And yet, when I move back home, he wants to keep a long distance "casual" relationship. To me it's him wanting both a great relationship from me with no effort from him. And he says I'm the one who wants to end it. 2 years, we move away from home, into the same house together, and he flips a switch & decides now everything has to be about him. I know I haven't been the easiest person to deal with, as I've been severely homesick...but I've been doing well lately, I've been trying so hard.. And him, all his efforts have been towards him. This isn't who he was. I hardly even know him now. How could he? What do I do now? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 How does someone work 24/7? To me that is a cop out because there are plenty of people that have a relationship that work, go to school and deal with everyday struggles of life. I think he is feeding you a crock of poo. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 indeed. If he wants to do what's good for him, ou should do what's good for you and find a guy that wants to be with you. Link to comment
lust4life Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 yes he says that we're still boyfriend & girlfriend but he wants it to just be a casual relationship when I move back home. The problem is, we weren't fighting..we only started when I called him out on not putting any effort into our relationship. Then he feeds me these lines about how his priorities aren't the same as mine, and this whole focus on ourselves thing... And pretty much breaks my heart, but doesn't want to end the relationship...?? Link to comment
lust4life Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 Then I ask him if that, after he gets an education, does this "surviving" and "finding himself" thing, if he will come back to me & be ready for a real relationship. And he tells me that he doesn't know, and can't promise that, because who knows what the future will bring. How is it fair to ask me to stay in a long distance casual relationship if he can't even say that he'll be there for it in the end? Link to comment
lust4life Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 and i don't want to go home and be miserable hoping that maybe one day he'll come around Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Since it is casual, ask him if you can see other people and only put as much effort into the relationship as he does. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Oh yeah definatley ask if you'll be seeing other people. Link to comment
lust4life Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 I agree with you guys completely. I feel like I should just move on & see other people, but I feel so guilty when he still looks at me & says he wants a long distance relationship.. Although, our situation will be a little different that yours Blue...we will be living 300 miles apart. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I agree with you guys completely. I feel like I should just move on & see other people, but I feel so guilty when he still looks at me & says he wants a long distance relationship.. Although, our situation will be a little different that yours Blue...we will be living 300 miles apart. You shouldn't feel guilty, he's the one not putting the effort in. Link to comment
lust4life Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 At the moment my heart's pretty torn. I want to just move on...but I'm still hurting.. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Do you want to have a casual relationship? I know it must be hard, It sucks to be waiting for something that might not even work out. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 At the moment my heart's pretty torn. I want to just move on...but I'm still hurting.. Just remember that you were not the one to let this relationship fail. He was the one that put his priorities in different places. You need to focus on your priorities. One of them is wanting a serious relationship. Let him know that and find it, even if it is with someone else. He'll probably get pretty lonely once you find that something better. Link to comment
guitars Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 Its scary cos you dont want to let go but you dont want to be messed around... I am so with you guys right now. I'm in the same situation with my (ex?)gf right now. She's having some serious identity issues right now and we've been pretty codependent for years. We've been on-again/off-again separated for months and she's right on the edge of bailing, or maybe already bailed on the relationship. I'm heartbroken over it. There's just no good way out of the situation at all. I'm struggling with this myself, but you've got to let go, at least for the time being. It's absolutely the hardest thing to do. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 If someone is not putting in the effort you are in the relationship, then it's one sided and you will not feel happy/satisfied with it. It would be best to let it go and start looking for other options. If he's not putting you as one of his priorities, who knows when he ever will. You shouldn't invest your heart into someone so fickle. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 How does someone work 24/7? To me that is a cop out because there are plenty of people that have a relationship that work, go to school and deal with everyday struggles of life. I think he is feeding you a crock of poo. lmao............I love it...crock of poo....very good!!! hahaha I am laughing so hard I can barely type this...........omg Link to comment
lust4life Posted July 8, 2008 Author Share Posted July 8, 2008 thank you all for your responses. I've been so busy moving back home & trying to be ok that I haven't been able to type back. Well we broke up. He wants to still be best friends & wants me to know that he still loves me...but I can't deal with that. The agony over not knowing whether he will ever be my lover again + hearing him sound perfectly ok about us going from soulmates to friends makes me sick. I can't believe I loved so selfish of a person. I can't believe I built my life around him. I can't believe how effortlessly he crushed me. I hope he's miserable too & realizes how big of a mistake it was. But who knows, by then I might not take him back. He was the last person I ever expected to hurt me. Thank god I have the world's best friends. Link to comment
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