Stress and anxiety

[star-shaped]

Hi guys,

 

I have never felt that I cope with stress particularly well, and find that I get anxious about a lot of day to day things, like I just find it hard to cope with life in general.

 

I think part of my problem is that I was bullied badly at school, and ever since then have felt like I need to overcompensate, because I feel like I'm rubbish or something.

 

For example, during my degree I felt under a lot of pressure to get a First Class grade, because I felt like unless I had that to set me apart from everyone else, employers wouldn't look at me.

 

At the moment there are a lot of different sources of stress in my life and I'm finding it quite hard to cope. Everyone else probably thinks I'm crazy to feel stressed out or worried about things because things are going so well for me. I SHOULD be like the cat that got the cream, but I just feel worried and down all the time.

 

I managed to get my First Class undergraduate degree, I have a good grade so far in my masters degree, and am one of only 2 people on my masters course to have secured funding for a PhD. After I hand in my dissertation in September, I'm moving 90 miles away to start my PhD, and will be moving in with my boyfriend.

 

But while these are obviously fantastic things, stuff like moving and starting a new course are things that can also cause stress I guess, and I'm finding it a problem.

 

My dissertation has been getting me down, there is NO REASON for it to get me down because there is no way I'm going to fail it, but I am putting myself under a lot of unecessary pressure wanting to get a distinction so it can be submitted to be published. I feel like if I don't do a good job my PhD supervisor might be disappointed and maybe they'll regret giving me funding, which is crazy when I put it like that I suppose. It is like it is never good enough for me to do well, I have to excel at everything or I feel bad about it. I do wonder why they chose to give me funding, I feel like a bit of a fraud and I guess I feel like doing well in my dissertation will *prove* that I'm worthy.

 

I also worry about things like money a lot, which was something I started doing during my undergraduate degree a few years ago. I kind of obsess about it a lot and let it get me down.

 

I SHOULD be happy and excited about my future because everything is really working out for me. But I just get stressed out and ruin it for myself.

 

Anyone have any thoughts or any tips on how to cope with stress? I have quit drinking and upped my exercise, hoping that will help, but it hasn't really.

[evice]

It sounds like you are a perfectionist. Perhaps, in your life you did not receive a whole lot of encouragement from your family. Sometimes, that is what makes us successful. I can't say for sure.

Since it is not your reason but your subconsciousness in play here, you can try asking a doctor to give some mild anti-anxiety meds. Also, there are support groups for everything nowadays. Maybe you can join a support group of same-minded people. I found that support groups are very helpful for me personally. Actually, much more so than individual counseling.

[Belgian girl]

I have fear disorder and totally hairloss (alopecia areata) and swollen gland in my neck (both due to stress) so you're welcome with questions and from my side: I'm thinking about advice

 

Maybe also just make sure you see things in right proportions for ex. I think it's not that wrong to be so kind of perfectionistic and seems the way you act/think has good results (except probably the stress and negative feelings) but as soon as you have reached what you had in mind you should be positive about it (even if it's for a while, just realising you've something good instead of only immediately start worrying/stressing about the next thing)