HoTung Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 My friend bumped into my ex yesterday at the gym but he didn;t tell me. His gf bought it up. I didnt ask my friend about it either. was fine about it last night, but this morning felt crap. It shouldn;t bother me anymore but it still does. I know i shouldn't care but why does it still affect me? Why didn't my friend tell me? Should he have told me? I know he doens't need to tell me. I am sure the conversation wasn;t about me. But i still care about my ex and guess would like to know what he is up to but then again i am scared of getting hurt. what if he is dating someone else? its inevitable its going to happen and that maybe why my friend didn;t tell me. u do wonder whether the ex asked how i was? and if he didn;t - that would make me feel awful as well. All these probabilities running through my head ...arghhhh My friend's gf asked me if i wanted to know if he was dating and the answer is I am not sure - she said it might help u move on. She said she wasn;t there when they bumped into each other. she may know she may not - but i think likely not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoTung Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 i was doing so well - a month of NC has gone by and now feels like a set back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemycoffee41 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Your friend shouldn't have to report a run-in with your ex to you. Look how upset it has made you, why would you want to go through this every time someone you knew bumped into him? I understand you just want to know what's going on, that you think it's somehow going to help you and the break up process. But it's not. Continue on with doing what you're doing and get over set back. You don't want to know what your ex is doing. You don't need to know what your ex is doing. It has nothing to do with your healing process. NC is NC, and that means on all levels. Go out there and take care of yourself! Focusing on the ex is just going to keep you back at the beginning, and all the progress you've made would be gone. You're strong, you can do this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I think it was kinder that your friend didn't tell you. Why open up old wounds. You found out anyway and now you are upset. I think that is why your friend didn't tell you...so that it wouldn't upset you and drag you down the path you are now going down. Forget about what your ex is doing...what matters most is what YOU are doing. Focus on your own life and put your ex's life out of your mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandomAdvisor Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I agree with the above. Your friend was doing you a favor by not mentioning your ex. You're trying to recover and hearing about the ex isn't going to do you any good right now. Case in point: the way you feel now that you've heard about this run in. Keep focusing on yourself and you'll make it through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 why would your friend bring him up? He knows the topic upsets you so why even drop his name? I wouldn't be angry at the friend. Not like anything substantial happened in the meeting. Probably just an awkward "hey....how's it going?". Bringing up the run in would do far more harm than good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoTung Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 I know he prob didn;t tell me because its none of my business now. My emotions go hay wire whenever i hear his name mentioned. He still has a hold on me. I thought i wsa healing very well. i do still care and miss him. If i bumped into my friends ex i would tell them. I guess i am curious - whether he was dating or how well is doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoTung Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 i feel really emotional today - feel like breaking down and cry why am i so weak? he's moved on and continued life without me just fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 See, I don't get why you'd want someone to tell you that they bumped into your ex. I mean, imagine your friends position if they did tell you. Them-"Hey, I saw your ex yesterday" You-"And?" Them-"We said Hi....at the gym..." I doubt they got to talking about your ex's dating life or talking about the breakup in the convo. So, what was accomplished here? All your friend has done is make you remember your ex and think about them more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoTung Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 yeah i know - i do wonder if my ex asked how i was doing? prob not hey? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoTung Posted July 7, 2008 Author Share Posted July 7, 2008 has a horrible dream last night - my ex said to me he made a mistake and i was the one., he said u can have a few days to think about whether i wanted him back but i was so happy but then he goes to me i have something to tell u - he said he had slept with someone else and i burst out crying and couldn;t forgive him ....i know its a dream and my dreams never come true and he willl never come back but it made my heart jump out this morning - feel like poo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonheart Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 HoTung, i know how you are feeling. It really does just feel like your heart has been through a blender, and then some. The best piece of advice that my heart could give you would be to maintain the NC as long as you can, and then keep maintaining it. And as hard as it feels, you don't want to know what your ex is doing. That is just too much pain and heartache to deal with. Please keep up the NC. It will be the best thing for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoTung Posted July 7, 2008 Author Share Posted July 7, 2008 Thank you, its so hard. Sometimes i feel like i have done so well and others its just like you say being put thru a blender. i have asked my best friend not to mention his name - even hearing his name hurts me - so we have a code name now why are break ups so hard/? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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