I am writing for my sister...

[4kitty]

Can anyone suggest something to do for my sister because she is going through a tough time with one of her daughters.

My sister divorced last year and ever since her dad moved, my niece has become defiant, doesn't want to contribute to house hold expenses (she is 20 and works).

She does not pay attention to my sister's rules.

She says that she is a "grown up" and that the doesn't need permision to do anything she wants. She stays out very late, 3 or 4 a.m. and has started to smoke a lot. Of course she buys cigarettes for herself, invites friends to dinner and pays for them. At home, she doesn't even give my sister money for gas eventhogh my sister uses the car mostly for my niece's school, work,

going to stroes to buy what she needs.

She says that it doesn't matter what her parents tell her, that she can do what she wants.

Right now, her friends matter more that her own mother and sister.

Any advice?

Thanks.

[Mlost]

... Kick her out of the house.

 

If she's an "adult," then she can fend for herself in the big, bad world. If she wants to live at her mom's house, rent-free, then she will accept the rules there.

 

Again, kick her free-loading butt out of the house.

[jengh]

Agree with Mlost. kick her out.

 

if she's so "grown up" she should be able to make it just fine on her own.

this girl needs a serious reality check. while she may be a legal adult, she still needs to have some respect for her mother.

[Caterina]

Sounds very normal. She's dealing with becoming an adult and wanting the priviledges of being an adult...however, she doesn't understand anything about the "real world" b/c of a lack of experience. It will hurt her, but she needs to move out on her own...the Mom can help her a bit with finances just to get her on her feet but she's ready for the real world now. Also, she's probably also having a hard time with the divorce...no excuse for bad behaviour, but still.

Just tell your sister that its normal and not to beat herself about it...she probably has done a great job with the girl, but the girl is ready to be an adult and that change in life is always a conflict.

Sometimes friends do matter more than family b/c friends tend to listen and understand while family is just too in the midst of everything to notice.

[amipushy]

Yup, I'm another one who votes she needs to leave. You're sister needs to put down some rules This is my house, you don't like my rules and boundaries = you move out! End of.

[metrogirl]

I would have tossed her ass out.....It's called tough love. Help her to see how hard it is to survive in the real world with real bills and real rent. I bet you she will have a complete change of heart and will probably start showing her mom some much needed respect.

[avman]

Here's another vote for kicking her out. If she's so grown up then she can live on her own and make her own living instead of freeloading. Tell your sister to give her a deadline for moving out. 60 days is probably fair. On day 61 her stuff goes in the street.

[4kitty]

for your replies.

It is very hard but of course, you are all right in suggesting that she move out.

I say it's hard because she's always been a sweet girl and seeing her turn into what she is now, is very sad.

I am single and have no kids and both my nieces have always been like my girls. She doesn't even seem to want to see me nor my parents (grandparents) anymore.

To all aunts/uncles without their own children out there, enjoy your nieces/nephews as much as you can while they are young because those will be very cherised moments.

Thanks.

[Caterina]

Okay, maybe she needs to move out but I also think that you should remember the concept of flies to honey versus vinegar. She's going through a hard time...divorces affect the children more than people think

[Kalika]

It sounds like she's going through a tough time.

 

That being said, she's an adult and needs to pull her weight or be gone.

She's old enough to be on her own. Let's see how often she stays out til 3am when she has to get up and go to work the next day and pay her own bills.

 

She will straighten up if she's forced to.