I like my boss :/

[johnman1989]

So it all started last summer at the pool, we were both lifeguards and I just wanted to get to know her. She went to school in chicago, I used to live in chicago. We'd goof around a lot, she'd smile at me all flirty like. Eventually she was bringing me lunch to work, we did lessons together every morning and worked late. So we bonded, but we never touched. I didn't even hug her when I headed off for south carolina for school. I felt bad. But the night before we broke into the pool and my manager threw a party for me. One of my co-workers was spreading around that a liked her, since I was kinda talking to her a bit. I made her laugh a lot. Kinda left on an ok note...

 

We talked on facebook over the school year, mostly just asking whats up and making fun of each other. She'd make fun of me cuz I go to a military school, (I am going to be an army officer, she is switching to KU, trying to become an art teacher) telling me to do push ups and stuff.

 

This summer she's the assistant manager (took the spot I wanted because I thought I wasn't going to be working there, doing an internship or something), and the first day she was having me help her and everything. But it's not the same, all of her friends (except the manager) left for other jobs, so it's her and me. The first week went well we joked around a lot, not anything flirty, just fun. THen she went to california for a week, and came back and we kinda had to start over, but it went faster than the first week. Now, one of my co-workers who could pretty much get any girl (short, talk-it-up, flirty, jacked up, italian) takes notice of her. At first he didn't really talk to her, but after a few days he noticed how much fun she was having with me, he decided to say hello. Now at this point him and I are becoming better friends cuz I burned this rap cd which he loved. Next day he starts touching her, which I thought was uncalled for, but she didn't do much about it, she kinda liked it. And she doesn't like my music, so things start going downhill. 4th of july coming up, I help her plan, she starts getting a little closer to the italian and I am planning costumes to be funny as usual.

 

4th of july, I come in with a new cd, we jam while cleaning the pool, I am wearing camo to be patriotic and funny. She thinks its funny. My italian friend, decides we need to start gettin tipsy, so I change into my lifeguard gear. A little later I am running around with the flag, in a uncle sam hat and beard, acting a fool. He is messing with me as well, eventually I get out of and and sit myself down for a break. He takes the raines and she doesn't want to be there working. Then they start talking more, she thinks he's really funny. Now it's all the sudden very awkward between us, and she's just hanging out with him. I guess he can hold his liquor better.

 

SO now today, she just talks to him and I have to win her back...

 

 

I know this sounds retarded, but I guess I just wanna be good friends with her any tips? I would really appreciate it.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. aaaahhhh, yes, the thing that these italian men have is that they are more forward, in general, than men in the US. i'm just speaking in generalities. as you noticed, your friend has made a bit of progress with her just by approaching her, chatting her up, paying attention to her. she's probably wondering why, after knowing her for so long, you haven't asked her out! i think she might think you aren't interested, but here is this guy who SEEMS interested, so she'll pay attention to him.

 

i think you should call her and ask if she wants to meet you up for some coffee, mini-golf, go downtown and get some ice cream, etc...... pick something fun, and ask her out. especially before mr. italian man gets his hooks in her!

[Imprecision]

This is tough. I feel for you, man.

 

Some guys are naturals (like your Italian friend). Some guys like us are not born for flirting. We're too serious, too sincere.

 

I can give no advice. If I were in your situation, I would probably still hang out with her. As soon as you two adjust to the new situation, then the awkwardness will disappear.

 

Hope everything turns out good for you.

[annie24]

This is tough. I feel for you, man.

 

Some guys are naturals (like your Italian friend). Some guys like us are not born for flirting. We're too serious, too sincere.

 

I can give no advice. If I were in your situation, I would probably still hang out with her. As soon as you two adjust to the new situation, then the awkwardness will disappear.

 

Hope everything turns out good for you.

 

you can get out of that though. girls like guys who can flirt, tease them a bit. don't be so serious! make a move..... i think he still absolutely has a shot, as long as he takes it, and doesn't sit on the bleachers while romeo is putting the moves on.

[johnman1989]

First of all thank you guys so much for responding you have no idea how good that makes me feel.

 

 

I don't think she's ready for a relationship though...my friend, lol, who was a manager last year, pulled a fast one on her like a month ago. He got back from school was she was home for the weekend and asked if she wanted to go to a grad party, so she thought they were doing it as friends, even though they didn't talk much last summer. Then after he asks if she wants to go to a movie, that doesn't work out, so ice cream. Later I get a threat from a friend that if I mack on her he would beat me. It didn't work out and they haven't talked since.

 

She has talked about how picky she is with guys kinda jokingly, and has talked about her old bf, who was a beast, I went to school with him. He was everything, smart, athletic and I guess funny. He's at stanford now, and he just blows her off, I wonder why, maybe it's her.

 

About the seriousness though, I am not, 2 days ago I was joking with her about her old bf, because she said he might call. Then we got on the topic of blowing bubbles with gum because I couldn't, she taught me, then she had to tell me she could unrap starburst with her tongue and tie knots with cherry stems. So I was like, must mean your good at kissing, you guys gonna meet up and make out. She didn't like that...but I knew she was laughing on the inside.

 

About the italian he has a gf, older, like my boss (she's 20, I'm 19). He just seems very loved at the pool now after the fourth, even the owner talks to him and he doesn't talk to any guys really.

 

So I guess me and her will have to get adjusted like you said. See I am waiting for some spontaneous office romance, but that just seems pretty unrealistic now.

 

I forgot to tell you guys, but this summer I have been trying to act like I don't like her cuz I knew she thought I liked her last summer. Playing the chase her, but I dont' like her game....because I thought my friend's very upfront ask her out right away was to much for her.... I dont know what is with this girl. I know very well she will say no if I ask now, maybe later if things get better. Today at work things were pretty cold between us. It will get better if we do lessons next week, because it always does...

[annie24]

i think you're being too 'cool' and she's probably thinking that you aren't even interested in her. no one said she has to be ready for a relationship. i'm just suggesting you ask her out for dinner or something, or ice cream or whatever. i think that you've waited so long to ask her out, she may figure you aren't interested in her at all.

[Imprecision]

I agree with Annie. You should go for it. Don't let your head over-analyse this.

[evice]

I understand this girl. I lived in Rome for a year after college. Italian men are irresistible to women. They know what we want and they give it to us without any thought for themselves. That's exactly what gets them what they want!

 

My advice to you is going to sound really weird, but let them be. He will tire of her quickly. Italians do, as soon as they get what they want. All generalities, of course, but that has been my experience with italian guys.

[johnman1989]

not weird at all he only really liked her that one day he started to pay attention her. Now she's mostly trying to talk to him...because he realized she kinda likes him, so he backed off.

[johnman1989]

things are better now, but I am having trouble coming up with things to talk about. It seems I always have to initiate the conversation, which sucks, does this mean she isn't interested.

[Imprecision]

things are better now, but I am having trouble coming up with things to talk about. It seems I always have to initiate the conversation, which sucks, does this mean she isn't interested.

 

Many people imagine that a good conversation is full of witty remarks. Other people imagine that a good conversation revolves around a scintillating topic. Both views are misleading.

 

A good, flowing conversation involves simple questions. For instance, "What TV shows do you like?" "What kind of food do you like?" "What is favourite colour?" etc. Usually, in the girl's reply, you can find a cue as to the next question you should ask.

 

For instance,

 

"What TV shows do you like?"

"I like CSI and cold case. Sometimes I watch girly shows like Gilmore Girls."

"Interesting. This is embarrassing to admit, but I am a big fan of Gilmore Girls. Which of Rory's guys did you like the best, and why?"

"Well..."

 

As you can observe, you must do two things:

 

1. Pick out a relevant topic in the girl's answer.

2. Ask a simple question. This question must be open-ended (instead of yes-no questions). It should be personal (e.g. the girl's answer reveals a part of her life).

 

This way, the girl reveals more and more of herself to you. And the connection grows deeper.

 

Eventually, you can start asking questions like "When was your first kiss? Is there a cute story behind it?" "So what do you like in a guy?" "Do you plan on ever having kids?"

 

Some people might do things differently. But the above is how I do it. And it works.

 

Second, you should initiate the conversation. Most people like talking about themselves. Most people want people who understand them (or appear to understand them). If you can get a girl to talk about herself (e.g. using the above strategies), then you're on the right track.

 

Two people may have divergent views on profound subjects like religion, politics, and spirituality, but in terms of simple things, like food, TV, travel, friendship, love, they are bound to have commonalities. Building connections is finding these commonalities. When commonalities are found, then suspicion is lowered, then unfettered communication emerges, which brings friendship and love.

 

I'm, of course, open to other views on conversations. I merely throw in my bit. If someone is wiser, let him expose his views.

[johnman1989]

I think we were just having problems because we have both been hungover lately....lol

 

things are back to the way they were, and she asks me to work in the mornings with her instead of the other guy. She even likes the new cd I brought in, that "I kissed a girl" song. Hopefully we will be hanging out outside of work soon. I just met some of her friends today, so things are looking up.

[JadedStar]

You said he handles the drink better than you. Does this mean you made a real mess of yourself that night? Girls shy away from the guy who drinks and acts crazy - they don't like to be embarrassed. I'd say try to curb that and do damage control.