clare_1 Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I am sat here breaking my heart. Last night my partner of 2 years left. Im 26 I have a son from my previous marriage so am not new to break up etc... This is sooo wrong though as really we are great together. He is 23 and says i have been wanting too much from him regarding my son as i have been going on and on about being a family and he doesnt see it that way as my son has a very good dad. Things were good, he was good with my son and my son was happy but i kept pushing and pushing and going on about having another child which he has said he is too young for. In hindsight i have been a fool. He is too young and i am in no position to have a child now as i am training to be a nurse and to get exactly where i want to be will take 5 to 10 years so why have i been pushing. Also he like being on his own sometimes but when he goes upstairs to have some him time i follow him amd moan at him and i have pushed him away. The thing is he says he will always love me and that our paths have crossed at the wrong time but really we are in the same place but i have been stupid to want more, which now i realise i dont need at all. I feel so desolate and alone as i dont have anyone to turn to. I need my mum more then anything but she died and my sister lives in the usa whereas i am in the uk. I want him to come home. I have just sent a message to him telling him what im feeling and that a few days apart would be good for us but to then try again. He hasnt replied yet but it is still early here. What am i going to do?????? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 Ignore the troll. He's been reported. Link to comment
Treehugger Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 Well even though the troll is a troll, he is right. Just give him space, if he wants some time on his own let him have that time. dont try to be with him 24/7 And if he doesnt want a child, then stop asking for one, wait till he is ready. What you can pretty much do atm, is talk to him, tell him what you told us. Tell him your mistakes and that your sorry. Link to comment
Treehugger Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I didnt see the part about him not replying, well if you know where he is staying, then find him. Its better to talk in person then on the phone. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 Given that you feel so alone and isolated, it sounds to me like you were clinging to him like a life raft. How long after the break up of your marriage did you start seeing this guy? It sounds like you are too needy and you suffocated him trying desperately to make a family with him so that you won't be alone. I think the best thing you can do is just leave him alone. Back away completely and show him that you can be independent and live life without him. Neediness and clinginess just pushes people away. He is also only 23 and probably feels that is too young to get tied down to a woman 3 years older than himself who has a child. Work on fulfilling your own life..find inner happiness...view you and your child as a family unit which would be complemented by someone else but not completed by someone else. Re-claim your independence. He may or may not come back..it sounds like he is at a very different stage in life. Complete yourself and maybe someone else will come along who will want to be a part of you and your child's life. Link to comment
Whiskers Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I think CAD is right. You most definitely shouldn't go looking for him to talk or convince him of anything. It's not going to be easy but doing either of those things is going to be going against his wishes and if he can leave and go NC without caring so much as to what he may have left behind (your son for instance) then he's not the guy for you. XXXX Maybe now you have to concentrate on yourself and perhaps join a group or something to mix with others and build a support base...what region of England are you in? It's possible that there could be others like you in your area Link to comment
Gratsy Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 This is a situation that you couldn't have helped so stop blaming yourself. Sometimes bad things happen. Be careful about who you get close to next time...make a man prove he will be a good father to your child before you think about starting a family/life/marriage with him. Also, stop living with a guy before your married...that might help also. In the meantime, be independent...you have to, for the sake of your kid. You are a victim but you don't have to take it personal. I'm sorry this happened, but after a while you'll see life goes on. Link to comment
Kalika Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 It sounds to me like you're testing him. He's young, and you're in the middle of some career training, and yet you unrealistically pressure him to create a family with you - what were you hoping to gain? What is it you're missing? It sounds like you're trying to get proof that he loves you, and I'm glad he isn't going for it, because it would end up being a huge mistake on both your parts. Link to comment
clare_1 Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Well its definitely over and i think ive done all the crying and making a fool of myself that i can take. To be honest even though at the moment i would take him back in a instant, he is true in what he has been saying. He told me that he is too selfish to be in any relationship at the moment and that I deserve more then he was giving me or my son. Doesnt make it any easier though. I got with him straight after i left my ex hubby so to be honest ive never been on my own. My mum died when i was 17 and i have probably clung to men since then. The difference this time is that i have always been the one who has broken hearts so i guess i have gotten my just deserts. This is while i dont know how to deal with it. I want to keep my dignity though and not phone him again. How do i stop myself? Link to comment
clare_1 Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 He has just asked me if he can take me out during the week and then have a chat about whether he is good enough for me?????? I am soooo confused. Link to comment
Panda2008 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Well, go... but don't let him mess you around. If he's interested in coming back then you need to honestly discuss what has been going wrong in your relationship and how you can fix it. Good luck Link to comment
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