One night stand now I feel worse

[teema]

I guess I've been feeling lonely. I guess it was the alcohol. But, now I feel absolutely horrible after having a one night stand with this random guy I met a club last night. And...to make matters worse, I called my ex boyfriend afterward balling my eyes out. I realized what I was doing was stupid, so I said I just that I wanted to say hi.

 

It's been almost 5 months already since the breakup and I thought that I was over him and moving on with my life, but I just can't stop being in love with him.

 

And, it hurts so much. I feel even more stupid after hooking up with that guy lasting night. I think that during the act, I kind of thought that it was my exboyfriend. Now I feel dirty, used and unloved.

 

My exboyfriend is living with his new girlfriend now. The past week has been hell between us. I did NC for a month and finally responded to a phone call after he sounded sick. During the conversation, he said that it bothered him that I don't respond and that I took him off my myspace friends list because he loves me a lot. I didn't know what to say to that. So, I said nothing.

 

I feel so lonely and I can't stop crying and I just want to roll up in a ball and die. I jus want him to love me again and not another woman and wnt to be with me. How can it still hurt this much after 5 months? This is the worst feeling in the world and I would never wish it on anyone.

[MsMookie]

In my recent experience of late night stand(s), it made missing my ex even worse.

These alcohol-fuelled frollics just reminded me how much I miss the cuddles.

 

So...I think it is best to be celibate for a while. I miss my ex dearly, its nearly one year to the day. I doubt we will get back together. He has met someone else through his work. Shortly after getting with her he changed his number . . . his father came and spoke to me and explained the situation.

[amure]

in time teema things will clear up.

you will find another guy and things will be alright, as much as it doesnt look like it now.

 

i had a dream the other night, and someone in there said to me

 

"now doesn't matter forever"

 

for a dream, its a pretty kool saying XD if you et my point

 

good luck

[teema]

That's what I was trying to do. And, I never do things like that. I called him twice again this morning because I wanted to explain my random phone call. I was going to make something up. I just really want him to want me back. He's just confusing and telling me that he loves me and always keeping in touch.

 

I never want to get into another relationship or have sex again if it's just going to hurt this much again.

 

Do you still miss your ex after a year?

[scared and alone]

Aww hun, im so sorry. but, at least you are single. Chalk this up to experience you never want to repeat again. alcohol can be a nasty, nasty thing.

 

break ups hurt. everybody moves on at different times. there is no definitive time to move on, it happens when it happens. you are allowed to grieve for as long as you need to. But I promise you this, you WILL move on, and find somebody better for you. so please don't beat yourself up over this. you did nothing wrong. i'm just sorry you feel bad about yourself.

[teema]

Thanks scared and alone. I just feel like I did the most irresponsible thing ever and I only did it because I'm so lonely and not thinking straight. I just hate this dirty feeling like now I'm marked.

 

And, this week I saw a picture of my ex with his new girlfriend and a friends wedding and she's really petite and thin and cute, and it just made me feel really ugly, fat and crappy even though my friends and family constantly tell me that I'm insane and she's not prettier than me. I know I'm not fat or ugly, but I can't help think that what if I was as thin as her or shorter, would he not have broken up with me?

 

I'm also just constantly shocked by how fast their relationship is moving and I just have this bad feeling tha tmy next month she'll be pregnant and then a year from now they'll be married and continuing their wonderful life with their new family.

 

Sorry everyone for writing so much. I just can't stop typing...or thinking.

[scared and alone]

May I ask why you guys broke up?

 

And seriously, everything happens for a reason. It may not seem like it now, but there is something better for you along the way.

 

and im not gonna down play how bad you feel, I understand, in fact, id probably feel the same way you feel. but, sometimes it happens. It does NOT make you a bad person. you weren't in your right mind. it does happen though and it is NOTHING bad on you.

[teema]

We were in a long distance relationship and had plans to be together in about a year. His ex girlfriend from 10 years ago was going through stuff I guess with her boyfriend of 10 years. I don't really know the true story. They broke up and my ex boyfriend and she rekindled things. He wanted to try a relationship with her and I'm so far away. Those were his reasons. He still wants to remain friends.

[scared and alone]

wow. that is screwed up. seriously. you are SO much better off without this jerk. girl, you deserve a king. not this gardener boy.

[teema]

I though that I could remain friends with him because I care about him so much and we are so far away from eachother. I'm on the US westcoast and he's in Europe. Unfortunately, it just has been making me feel worse. And, I want him to miss me. Having free and unlimited access to my life just lets him keep a part of me while still moving on with his new girlfriend. Our relationship right now is so complicated and bizarre.

[teema]

Thanks! I think that I do too, but right now my heart keeps going back to him. Or, it leads me to hotel rooms that I shouldn't be playing in...

[scared and alone]

you need to do something fun, for yourself. seriously. after my ex and i broke up years ago, i went on a road trip to see my favorite band in concert and let me tell you, that saved me. it made me get over him. I mean, yes, i still had feelings for him, but it helped me SO MUCH get out of the funk i was in over him. so, go do something for yourself that will make you forget bout him.

[scared and alone]

well, women are dumb. they cheat, they steal, they lie and manipulate to get their way. they don't think things through... and then they pay for it. * * * * *

 

oh and is this one of YOUR great advice? she did not cheat, steal or lie or manipulate and to call her dumb, well , thats just uncalled for. she did nothing wrong. you should take your rudeness and negativity somewhere else. and to call WOMEN stupid. please. men can be MUCH worse. stop being a chauvinistic male.

[alphabetsoup13]

teema, i know how you feel, and i know that it sucks.

 

Don't give this guy the pleasure of knowing he is worth something to you. He doesn't deserve someone like you and one day you will realize that you are better off without him and have found someone 5000x as amazing as him. Keep your head up, better times are ahead.

[scared and alone]

oh shut up. people have one night stands all the time, mr. holier than thou. its not like she cheated on anybody. like you are perfect.

[scared and alone]

you are such an unpleasant one. aren't you?

[Comeback_Kid]

Don't even respond, theyre gonna block his IP address soon anyways we know how this works

[msfoolish]

Somebody get this darius of this forum!!!!!! He is an idiot who is obviously out to upset people!!!!

 

 

One night stands do make you feel terrible, but now you know you cant do this sort of thing without feeling bad, so put it down to experience and forgive yourself. Give tyourself a break, its just one time. Dont torture yourself over it. one mistake doesnt make you a bad person.

 

Take care of yourself xxx

[msfoolish]

Darius

 

I agree that its not that simple, you have actually said something thats worthwhile, but why the hostility for people on here? You're here aren't you? Why?

[Mustang]

Hey Teema. I know how you are feeling. When my ex broke up with me I forced myself back out there and I had fun for a month or so. After about five or six one night stands (I'm at uni) I really really started to miss my ex. I actually felt guilty for two reasons - the first being that I was using the new girls and the second being that I somehow felt like I was being unfaithful to my ex and ruining any chance of getting back with her! Crazy or what?

 

It might ease the pain at the time or it may not but it feels so horrible the next day when that person leaves. There's no connection and it makes you crave the connection with the ex even more.

 

You are NOT a bad person for what happened. Don't blame yourself for it. All I can tell you is that sometimes it is better to be on your own than to get with someone for one night. It has to be all or nothing. I've not slept with anybody since February and I don't wish to.

 

I have been in exactly the same position as you and all I can tell you is that it does get easier. I know it's easy for me to write that and harder when you're in the middle of it all but it really does.

[CallingAllAngels]

Forgive yourself for what you did and put it behind you.

 

You're not the first, and you won't be the last to have a random one night stand.

 

You can't change the past, and beating yourself up over it does nothing but make you feel worse. We are quick to forgive others, but not so much when it comes to forgiving ourselves.

 

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

 

My best to you,

 

Allie