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It's 5am and I'm awake, staring at my PC and drinking vodka. As tempting as suicide seems, I can't bring myself to do it. It's worrying that my main reason for being alive is because I'm too lazy to kill myself.


It seems there's no one of a similar mentality to me, so I feel very trapped by my emotions. Even if someone could understand, I probably wouldn't talk to them. It would be too difficult to organise my thoughts into something coherent.


On Wednesday I'm going to start antidepressants. Anything will do, as long as it's not Fluoxetine. Didn't work for me, for some reason. I don't know how I got so tired of life. There's nowhere positive to go from here.

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You are not whining, you are going through what sounds like a really difficult and lonely time. People may not be able to understand exactly what you are going through, but there must be people out there who can relate to your feelings. We may not be able to understand everything about people their passions, obsessions, disappointments, but the reason most people feel understood is relating to human reactions.


What I am saying is that even without hearing your exact situation, it doesn't matter, you have expressed how you feel and that is enough for me to connect with your situation and say: don't give up hope, you are in a bad place then things can get better belief is half the fight.

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