greatman05 Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Should you enter into a relationship without being attracted to the other person (physically, mentally, or emotionally)? I'm asking this because some dudes have said that they'd like to go with me, but I'm not really attracted to them, and not only that, but in my entire lifetime (short, I know), I've only been attracted (like I wanna be with you attracted) to 2-3 people... Link to comment
Gratsy Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Never go out with someone you're not attracted to. It will NOT turn out right. You should go out with someone that you are attracted to on some level...and never compromise with the physical. If they aren't as smart as you are, etc, but attract you in other ways, I say its okay to go with them then. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 have you gone on dates with them? I mean, maybe you just don't know them well enough to develop an attraction to them. I usually give guys a first date and give them a chance. However, don't become exclusive if nothing develops and cut it off if there are no sparks after a date or two. Link to comment
Purple1 Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Dating, maybe as attraction can develop! Relationships... no! There is a reason why we are attracted to others. If you start a relationship without attraction you might as well be involved with a friend. I think in the long run, relationships without attraction are a lot more difficult. Link to comment
lukeb Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I'm like you, I ve only been attracted to a handful of people in my life and I am 43, so you're normal. (or we're both weird) By attracrted I mean sexually. We're attracted to our friends emotionally, mentally, if we weren't then we wouldn't want to hang with them. I would definitely say do not enter into a relationship if at the very least there isnt an attraction to that person on any level (mentally, emotionally) why would you want to? Technically the initial sexual attraction you feel when you first meet someone is a very poor basis for considering a relationship, but there is no feeling like it. Your brain is constantly being swamped with the love hormone, they say cocaine stimulates the same area of the brain. The feeling is that powerful. The problem is we get this feeling from a complete stranger, as time wears on your brain gets less and less of this "love" hormone. It is a biological way to get to know a particular person with no awkward moments, no inhibitions etc. Its only after this honeymoon phase that we get a more accurate picture of the person you're dating. Is he the right one, or not? If there is no initial sexual attraction, not only do you miss out on a * * * * load of natural happy hormones, it makes it much harder to make the effort to get to know a particular person. Also you're dealing with the whole honesty issue, if you tell them you are not attracted to them, its going to sound like you dont think they are an attractive person. Link to comment
greatman05 Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Ok...I'll hed that advice...thanks! Link to comment
stayhappy Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I've been asking a similar question in my post about "how important is physical attraction" Whereas in my situation the guy I'm dating is very attractive to me on an emotional level, and I can see that he is an attractive person physically, he's just not the type I would naturally go for, probably because he resembles myself a bit! I have to say though that there has to be something there for you to want to date someone, it can't just be a random thing for the sake of it. Whether it's phyiscal or whether you just love being together or share similar passions etc. However I do think it's worth waiting for the right person to come along because otherwise it can be a whole world of pain for nothing and also a complete waste of ones time. Link to comment
greatman05 Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Wow...thanks for the advice! Link to comment
totallygay_1 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 sorry for asking but.. whats the point of dating someone if your not attracted to them?.. the only reason that i can think of for dating somone without being attracted is for either sex or because you are desperate and you just need to go on a date with someone... Personally its pointless ans I agree with gratsy when I say that the relationship will not go the way as planned because that person might have deep emotional feelings for you and you end up crushing their lives because you weren't serious.. so think about there feelings too Link to comment
FoxLocke Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 I am in this dilemma right now (which is why I sought out this thread). A little back story. My ex-boyfriend and I had great chemistry. I was very attracted to him and the intimacy was great. However, in certain instances the relationship was steeped in drama. Finally, I had enough and kicked him to the proverbial curb. Recently, I met a guy online. I decided to broaden my horizons and date men not solely based on what I found outwardly attractive. So, basically, the guy had his picture up (he looked okay) and his profile was really nice too. The onething was that he is substantially older than myself (he's 48. That isn't a problem for me if I'm attracted to the person). So we made a date to meet up at Starbucks. Well, when he walked up he appeared somewhat older than he did on his profile...I was looking forward to meeting him but the wind left my sails. Suddenly, I felt so bad that I was judging him based on appearance. So I decided to just have fun and see where it goes. We really did have a nice time. But I didn't feel any sparks fly. Last night we went on a second date. He was really sweet and gentlemen like (even paid for dinner, even though I offered to go Dutch). But still I didn't feel anything. He wants to go out with me again...Now, it is looking like more of a friendship thing. I really enjoy him as a hang out partner. But I don't feel that love thing for him. Physically, although he is not ugly, he just does not appeal to me. Link to comment
lukeb Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Maybe you're making too many assumptions, and thinking too far ahead. If you genuinely only like to hang with him maybe he is OK with that? Maybe he thinks you are cool too but isnt neccesarily feeling any chemistry either. Be honest with him but I guess I am saying why throw away what could be an opportunity for a cool friend, possibly a travel hiking, camping, go to a movie whatever buddy. Link to comment
GinnyMarie Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 NO NO NO NO NONONONONONO!!! please NO! sorry this is just a very heated topic for me right now... I married my husband with the hopes that I could learn to be physically attracted to him.. he was a nice guy, what most girls would kill for and he was crazy about me, so I thought I'd be dumb to turn him down... well now I'm stuck in an unhappy sexless marriage with a brand new baby that will have to deal with the results of my stupidity... please, respect yourself enough not to put yourself in my position! Link to comment
lukeb Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Well I was saying be honest with each other and with yourself. He met a great guy, why throw all of that away? It is not the easiest thing to find compatible gay guys to do stuff with as friends. Link to comment
unabashed Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 NO NO NO NO NONONONONONO!!! please NO! sorry this is just a very heated topic for me right now... I married my husband with the hopes that I could learn to be physically attracted to him.. he was a nice guy, what most girls would kill for and he was crazy about me, so I thought I'd be dumb to turn him down... well now I'm stuck in an unhappy sexless marriage with a brand new baby that will have to deal with the results of my stupidity... please, respect yourself enough not to put yourself in my position! Listen to GinnyMarie, she knows what she is talking about. Of course, endeavor to stay friends with someone who is a nice person and whose company you enjoy. Maybe as you get to know them better, an attraction will grow. But, don't make the mistake that a lot of couples make, which is to decide that it's "time" to become more committed, even if there isn't much attraction, just because you think (or others think) that you belong together. I'm thankfully on the side of an unhappy marriage, and finally living my life. Link to comment
mattysfun Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 i like the age gap in this thread. its cute. Link to comment
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