6 Months Today

[Dagless]

I found this on a blog, written by someone who lost there girlfriend too.

A lot of it was written at the time and was very dark and some of it was upsetting to read as you would expect. But he said something that really struck a cord with me

 

"The loss of a loved one is a monumental event, one that can change the entire landscape of one’s life. A significant loss permanently changes the way you see your existence and how you experience it. Simply put, life as it was defined when your loved one was alive does not go on. Trying to live as if it does is both inappropriate and impossible, and ultimately self-destructive. By setting the unattainable goal of going on with life as before, you risk miring yourself in a cycle of denial and despair.

 

When I heard, “Life goes on”, it challenged me to move on. Though well intentioned, this was the worst advice I could be given. In order to carry on, I needed to allow myself the time to process this new reality and fully understand the ramifications of my loss. Until I did, I knew I would be living a former life that was now incomplete, rather than living life as it had become – different."

 

For me it isn't something you can "get over", it is not an obstacle to be conquered or simply walked around. It is a massive river of tears that runs accross your path of life and it can never be crossed because the life you had, the future that once lay ahead no longer exists. So instead you have to find a new path and it takes time to see it and even then you may not be ready to take it.

It’s all about acceptance and learning to leave behind what you can’t take with you and cherishing all that you can. Even if some of it you wish you could leave behind.

[raining.stars]

[quote=Dagless;2570997

 

For me it isn't something you can "get over", it is not an obstacle to be conquered or simply walked around. It is a massive river of tears that runs accross your path of life and it can never be crossed because the life you had, the future that once lay ahead no longer exists. So instead you have to find a new path and it takes time to see it and even then you may not be ready to take it.

It’s all about acceptance and learning to leave behind what you can’t take with you and cherishing all that you can. Even if some of it you wish you could leave behind.

 

Very well said. Beautiful paragraph, thankyou Dagless!

[thejigsup]

I lost my father at the age of twelve and have lost person after person since this time. I now know that you must not lose you because of a death. It is the same world out there, the same issues exist as before, and it should be the same you in order for your truth to continue on. I no longer am amazed, shocked, or crushed by death. It's just part of everyone'e life and you do have to go on or your life goes by without you and you have wasted precious months and years of your life. If only I could get back the time I spent feeling devastated about something that was inevitable! I would do it in a second. Remember, the only person who will be with you the entire length of your existence is you. Everyone else is temporary.

[lostwithouthim]

WOW...there is some really powerful stuff in the last few posts you've made Dag and Chocolate! I've come accross some total jerks who know exactly what I've been through and still get upset that I'm not moving forward with 'business as usual'. I've recognized that these people don't need to be part of my life and it has definitely helped me feel OK with not moving forward at times or as quickly as I'd like to be.

 

Chocolate--you hit the nail on the head when you wrote about feeling as though who you were/the life you knew died with your partner. One thing several people have said to me is "What are you thinking you want to do now?"---my response has been "What exactly do you mean?". They've replied with things like "Well...you can do/have whatever you want, you don't have anything tying you down to a particular place". I am so shocked when people have asked this...I actually can't have what I want...what I want is what I had 11 months ago.

 

I'm now having to face the fact that I not only have to reconstruct a life, a world view (which has been shattered) but I have to come up with all new dreams. Why would I want to change those? They all have to change because all of them included my partner. Since he died at 39 yrs old I also feel as though I've aged 40 yrs myself...someone 80 yrs old expects to lose people in their life who are their own age, I shouldn't have to. It seems completely unnatural. I feel as though whatever innocence was leftover from my childhood has been completely stripped from me. I can no longer just hop in a car and expect to get to my destination, and for that matter I can't expect that anyone I know/love can do that.

[KG]

LWH,

Regarding your above post, there are people who just don't get it. I don't think they're trying to be insensitive ( tho they are ), but are trying tp be positive, instead of just keeping their mouths shut.

7 months after my wife died, I had been out to a Benefit with a female friend, and word got around that I was seeing someone. All the level headed friends knew it couldn't be a date, it must have been a friend. BUT, 3 different guys, at different times, came out and asked me..."you gettin' some again?"....I knew they were concerned for me, just inept at expressing it, so I just told them the situation, and let it fly.