5 Years... Time to seek Therapy?

[HelplessHeart]

Its been 5 years since my girlfriend left and i still havent moved on. Anytime i have time alone at home i cant stop thinking about her and have been throwing myself into work and anything else i can find to keep my mind off her. She lives in Europe now(where she is from) and i send her a birthday ecard and xmas card every year but have no contact other than that. Everything was so great. The only good relationship i have ever been in and the only time i have been in love even though i had many relationships prior. We were together for almost 5 years and were buying a house together when she went home for 3 weeks and came back and broke up with me. I never wanted to fall in love with her and tried to keep my heart out of it (This because of a very bad marriage to a cheater prior) Unfortunately i was too weak. She was always head over heels for me and it came as a total shock. I dont know if her father was getting to her because i hadnt asked her to marry me yet or because of something else. I had told her when we first met that i wouldnt ask till she graduated college (she did about 6 months after breakup) because she was younger than me and and with what i went through with my Ex i wanted to make sure that she had all that partying out of her system first. She was never that type of girl though. We like going out togther and dancing even though neither of us were really very good... but had a good time... even strangers would come up and say "You look like your haveing a great time" I guess what is hardest is the fact that she shut me out totally like a switch. Not liking me enough to even be friends. I have no friends because of my Ex before her and keep everyone at a distance. I have let my personal life go to hell and have met a few guys that i hang out with a little but really dont like just to be around people. I still have days that i cant get out of bed because i am thinking about her so much. My home is like a statement in depression but I am ok at work. I tried a few dates a cpl years after breakup but couldnt stop thinking about her when i went out i gave up on that. I went to Therapy on a proir relationship and they through me into Group and that was next to no good... I had to work through it on my own.

I just dont know what to do now? Any advice?

[Karmageddon]

Yeah, it sounds like it might be time to consult a professional so you can work through this & finally let it go and work on being happy

[ResonanceTheory]

Yes, I think that, at this point, it may be best to seek counseling.

 

You have wasted a lot of your life fixating on this woman, who has left you, and most likely moved on herself. Contrary to what you think, it's probably not just the disappointment of her leaving your life that has gotten you to where you are now--but that disappointment thrown onto a heap of a dozen others (your bad marriage being one of them). You probably thought of your relationship with her as something that could have possibly delivered you from past disappointments, and instead, it just ended up being another one.

 

Seeing a therapist or joining a support group may allow you to talk out your issues and get to the root of the problem. The disappointment with the european girl--while certainly being a great disappointment, is only a branch of what is causing your depression.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Yes. Anything that is interfering with loving someone else and moving on needs to be resolved. You may be suffering from clinical depression at this point (and have been for a while), and usually the only way to get out of that is medication, since it is a biochemical problem. Obssessive thoughts about someone can be one of the hallmarks of depression.

 

Please try going to your regular doctor first and see if you need a psychological consultation, or whether medicaton alone might help you. Anything is better than this, so please keep trying until you find a way to leave this behind.

[Ocean of Blue]

Never try to keep someone that doesn't want to keep you

[HelplessHeart]

Seems overall that i should seek Professional help. I dont believe in the Medication thing though. I am not trying to keep her... I know by now she has moved on and she is such a great person, that i know she will have happiness. I was an only child from a very disfunctional family of which i have distanced myself. My grandmother was my stablilty when i was younger but she has since passed away. My only happiness was when i was with my ex-girlfriend and just cant see how i can ever be happy like that again. I have met so many older lonely people in my life that i feel that is my destiny now and guess i just need to face it and come to terms with it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

But much depression is a biochemical disorder, and you wouldn't feel bad about medication to treat some other physical problem, say if your thyroid quit working right.

 

There is no shame in medication, and there is no harm in trying to see if it works. Most people don't need to take it permanently, just til the imbalance is corrected.

 

Don't you want to be happy? I think it is like blaming the pain from a broken leg on having a cold. You think it is about your lost girlfriend and hence hopeless, when the two are not necessarily related. The stress from a breakup can upset biochemistry, but the biochemistry is the problem, not the breakup.

 

Please give it a try... it could be life changing for you, as it is for many people.

[5364]

Hey

 

I was against medication as well, until I tried some. Believe me, you need to make a change, if you want change. Try out some medication, it helps. 1 pill a day works great for me. Nothing to be ashamed of.

[HelplessHeart]

Well i just dont feel that the answers to my issues are in a bottle or a pill ect. Although I did know a girl a long time ago that was having sever mood swings which was driving her family nuts. She started taking an herbal medicine "St. Johns Wort" and it did balance out her swings quite drastacally.

 

I looked up a professional and will set up an appointment. If they suggest it i will try it.

[deang]

Medication is your friend in this circumstance...some of us don't have the proper chemical balance for this...with a combination of medication and therapy I bet you will be wondering why you waited. If you had some sort of hormone deficiency you'd take medicine for it right? This is the same thing...it doesn't change you. It just makes sure you are firing on all cylinders. Meanwhile the combination of therapy will help you with your thought processes. I think people are afraid it's like being drunk or on coke but it's not...anti-depressants just makes things seem a little better...like a ray of sunshine instead of dark clouds...any personality change would be the result of you feeling free of obsession, irrational fear or anxieties.

 

If you had a friend who felt like this I would like to think you would recommend they seek help...do it for yourself...if after a few months you don't like it you can always stop. I suggest anyone who thinks the feelings are lasting too long or are taking things way too hard look into medicine and therapy. Life is too short....help yourself out.

[NametheGame]

I resisted medication for years until I finally had to try it as a last resort...but it was exactly what I needed to get me back on my feet, and to this day I regret waiting so long.

 

JUST taking a pill won't help you. It just gets your brain out of the rut it's in so that YOU can help yourself. That's why a combination of medication and therapy is generally far more effective than just one or the other. You don't have to take it forever, either. Anywhere from six months to a few years depending on the case is the usual.

[XMVXY]

I know this is an old thread - but just wondering if you went through with the therapy and if it helped?