lyjygy Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Okay, so I struggled with whether or not to post this, but it’s a situation which is kind of rough for me, and I thought it would be a good idea to get some opinions from people who aren’t emotionally-involved in my situation in anyway—as those opinions tend to be the clearest, and least biased. If you’ve been through a situation that’s somewhat similar if you could talk about it that also might be really helpful, and I welcome you to do so. My situation is the following: I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little over 8 months, and I’ve been in love with her for pretty much the entire time. I knew I was in love with her by the second or third week in, and I haven’t doubted it since for a single second. It’s completely unlike any relationship I’ve ever been in, we just clicked the moment we first met. From the beginning we talked about how nice it would be to live together, eventually have a family together, we spend more time together than with anyone else. We’ve only had one real fight in our entire relationship, and it was for the following reason (I'll explain it because it relates to my topic): One week about 4 months into our relationship, after we had both been kind of busy and hadn’t been able to spend much time together lately, I felt her level of affection for me go down. I didn’t understand why, if I did something wrong, what exactly the problem was. I asked her about it and she told me it was because she didn’t feel as strongly for me as she had before. We got into talking about all sort of kind of darker relationship stuff, I guess I was feeling sorry for myself, and I made the mistake of asking her whether she’d leave me if she met someone else she liked. She said she didn’t know, and that’s what scared her. I recognized a lot of this might have been caused by the fact that we hadn’t really been around each other much lately at that point, so I talked to her about it, and we agreed to try to spend more time with one another. Which we did, and quickly (within a day or two), her level of affection towards me went back up as high as it had ever been, if not higher. Things were fine until last night, when I asked her how she felt about me. It was kind of just a silly question, because we had been in the “I love you” “I miss you” lovey-dovey phase for the past 8 months. But her answer caught me completely off-guard. She told me that she liked me. And when I asked, “What, you don’t love me?” She said, “I dunno, how do you even know if you love someone?” I felt sort of like I had been punched in the gut. We got to talking about it, because I didn’t want to leave it at that (I was semi-distraught over the idea that I’d spent 8 months believing that someone loved me, only to realized that they have no idea whether they do or not), so I asked her whether she felt like she could live without me, or would be okay with me simply going away. She said she wasn’t okay with it. We got into a discussion and she said that she still doesn’t know for sure whether or not she would leave me if someone else came along, that she can’t promise anything/doesn’t trust herself, and that she doesn’t know whether she wants to marry me eventually. She clarified that she doesn’t think about these things, she’s too young [she’s 18]. We continued talking and I told her that I know she loves me even if she’s not sure of it, just because of the way she is around me. She’s spent 8 months trying to spend every free minute with me, confiding in me all of the secrets that she can’t tell anyone else, even her best friends, always there for me when I’m down & constantly thinking of me first even before herself. Also I know that she loves me based on the way that I’m able to make her happy unlike anyone else. After that we kind of made-up in more ways than one. tongue.gif But, my question is this: what do you feel I should do in this situation? My personal interpretation of the situation is that she’s more afraid of commitment than anything else. She doesn’t want to commit to loving me, to commit to being with only me, to commit to the idea of being with me long-term and eventually commit to marriage. At least not now, because as she said, she’s “too young” to think about any of that right now. Do you think though that she should know by now whether or not she loves me, and that the fact that she doesn’t means that she never will? I think that’s the thing that scares me most. I can tell that she’s willing to stick it out with me, but I guess I have this fear that I’m falling deeper and deeper in love with her, and that if it turns out that she can never commit to love, I’ll be all alone basically and heartbroken. I want to be with her for the rest of my life, I’ve known it since the first few weeks I met her and it hasn’t changed since, but what do you do if the person you feel that way about isn’t sure about their feelings for you, even 8 months later? Should I stick it out because I love her and I think she loves me (even if she doesn’t call it that), or should I leave now because if she doesn’t love me after 8 months she probably never will? Any advice or similar stories that might help to broaden my perspective on this a little are very much appreciated. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.