Confused

[purpleJ]

I can guess the kind of responses I will receive, but mybe I just need a reality check..

This is a long post as I want for the first time to give as much information as possible so i can get the most productive advice..

 

Me and my ex went out for 3 years..were best friends and so in love..to a point where people would tell us they envy us and the kind of love/relationship we have..

 

however we struggled with a couple of things..

 

 

 

He used to work fultime and study part time..and all the travelling and stress made him so exhausted all the time..and he had no energy to go out..

 

This was the other reason why we broke up...how it wasnt fair on me..how he couldnt be a "fun" boyfriend anymore..how he didnt have enough time for me..

 

He kept tellin me how much he loves me and adores me and want me in his life but can't be with me "at the moment" as he need to solve his issues.

He told me that he wont be seeing anyone and he can't possibly imagine himself with anyone else..and would always want to be with me and only me.

 

I spent days and days reassuring him that I loved him the way he was and was happy the way things were...but got nowhere..so after a couple of months of goin back and forth i went NC...before this happened he told me he was gonna go into therapy in a couple o months when uni exams are over..his mum spoke to me and reassured me and said she makes sure he does and how she has spoken to him n he wont go back to ni either next semster..how he loves me and how its him not me..

 

after about 2 months of non contact..I feel like i have accepted it..been dating..although every date remindes me of how wonderful he was..

 

Then he calls me out of the blue "just to chat"..we talk for hours..he tells me how much he loves me and misses me..how much he cares for me..how he still thinks of me and misses me everyday...when i ask..do you ever think you want to be with me again he says yes ..there wont be a day where I wont want that but "at the moment" I know its not the right thng for us...he says how much he loves for me to be back in his life..that I wont just be a frend but we wont be in a "relationship" either...

 

What do i do?..I still love him with all my heart and know what a wonderful guy he is who cares and loves me so much...but why cant he just call it a relationship...

[dont_know_what_2_say]

what do you want? do you want to be just friends with him? or do you want to be in a relationship with him?

if you can handle being just friends, then go for it

if on the other hand you're not ready for that, and still want a relationship (which he clearly stated he didn't want.., then i would tell you to continue doing no contact until you are able to see him as just a friend.

If you continue being friends with him, it will only give you hope and you will not be able to move on.

I tell you this because I'm going through the same thing, and I decided I couldn't be friends yet, so i went no contact.

[evice]

If you can wait for him to resolve his issues regarding being uncomfortable in any relationship which is understandable given his condition, than I suggest you wait it out. This is something he needs to get comfortable with. Something he has to do HIMSELF. You can tell him that you are willing to wait while he works on this issue and you would like to be updated how it progresses. If he really wants to be with you, this might encourage him to put all his efforts into solving his problems.

[purpleJ]

Thank you for your response..

No I can't just be friends..and thats why I was doin NC..

He came back gave me hope as hes going into therapy and took me many steps back...now I know in my head I should go NC again..but in my heart I wanna stick around waiting for things to be better as hes going into therapy..

[evice]

Listen to your heart! Our heads are often telling us wrong.