bellanicola003 Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Hi, the father of my child and I have been together for 3 years now. We were the best of friends when we started dating about 6 months after we met. Like any relationship we had problems and pry said things out of anger, etc. Many times, his anger came out when he was drinking. He would say vile and ignorant things to me and upset me to the point that I would either say something back or just cry. We had some problems, like anyone, and split for about a month (4 months after getting engaged), but got back together and was moving slowly to get things back to good. In the meantime, he began looking for a house of his own, our plan was that he would live there, I would live in my house, and in about a year we would get married and buy our own home together with my daughter (result of an 8 year relationship with my late fiancee who was killed in a car accident before we got married). Things were going well and he never had any outbursts while drinking or at any time to be honest - he was always very rationale. Surprisingly, on April 1st (of all days!!!!) we found out that I was pregnant - completely not planned, but exciting!!! He ended up finding a home before we found out about the baby and went through the buy after we found out - he wanted to get out of his parents home! We had decided that we weren't going to jump in to marriage or living together again because we wanted to make sure everything was good for us. He even said he wanted to come to counseling with me to figure out some things and to also find out why if I do something,he would get so mad at me before when we lived together, even though if someone else did it, it wouldn't bother him two bits. I was happy he wanted to help him to ultimately help us. Now I had suffered from depression last year, due to a crazy work schedule 9thinking money was more important than sanity), but I've been in counseling for about 9 months now and it's under control and things have been really good. We had both been working hard at our relationship seriously in the last 2 months and haven't even had as much as a tiff between us- that was really good for us! And we were spending more and more time together. He even mentioned how much I've changed - not picking fights, etc. I had become a bit of a drama queen last year when I was depressed! Lately though (past week or two), he's been drinking a lot. He says that he can't drink too much, but he has been. This past Saturday, he drank all day while doing work around his new house and was so drunk that he passed out around 8:30 PM and slept clear into the next day. He also had a seminar to attend this past week for work and drank every night there with his buddies who had gone with him. On Wednesday night he called me to tell me how much he missed me and loved me and ended up picking a fight with me and yelling at me telling me that I picked a fight with him. He had woken me up out of a deep sleep and had me questioning whether or not I was losing my mind because I couldn't remember how I started the fight. I know I didn't - how could I have?! He started calling me names, saying he didn't want to deal with me anymore (somehow, I'm the only problem in the relationship when it comes from him most of the time), that I could cry all night, he didn't care, I was an idiot, he called me a stupid B!tch - needless to say I couldn't stop crying. He ended up hanging up on me and called back 15 minutes later to apologize. We began talking and I did say something that I shouldn't have in relation to something we were talking about before and it had no place in this conversation and he flipped out again on me. Now, I can understand arguing, but he resorted to the name calling again and said he didn't want to go the baby's appointments with me (My next ultrasound is in 2 weeks!), that he didn't want to have anything to do with me, for me to leave him alone, etc. I said ok and was crying so hard. He said he didn't feel bad for me crying, that I could cry all weekend for all he cared because my tears mean nothing to him! That he didn't want to see me this weekend at all and to stay away from him. I asked him to stop being so mean and he started to mimick me crying - it was horrible and he ended up hanging up on me. I cried myself to sleep while praying to God for help. Next morning he calls me at work like nothing is wrong and tells me that he's sorry and everything is ok. At this point, I'm so hurt and refuse to let this man treat me this way. An apology is not good enough when I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant with your child and you're mentally and emotionally abusing me. He knew I was upset and was trying to be nice. He was on his way home from the seminar and said he would call me when he got home. I knew that when we talked, I was going to give him the alternative of shaping up or me shipping out - it's not fair to be treated so meanly. Well...all day, he never calls. Finally I call him around 9:30 at night and got his vm. He calls me back 5 minutes later and is at a bar celebrating the 4th of July with his neighbors who are in their 60's - we are 30. He acted like nothing was wrong, told me about how much work he got done around his house that day - wait till I see it, etc, and he could tell there was something wrong. He asked why I didn't call him all day and I told him because he said he was going to call me. He apologized and said he wouldn't be long at the bar. He asked me again what was wrong and I told him that I was very upset; that I just can't live with him talking to me and treating me the way he was. AT this point, since mid afternoon mind you, I had been cramping and told him. He said that I get myself worked up - I said...no you work me up! I told him calmly that what he said and did the night before was horrible and hurt me deeply, he told me that he apologized case closed. Well it wasn't closed to me, he hurt me and thought that an I'm sorry would make it all better. I repeated some of the things he said to me and he didn't want to hear it...all he wanted to do was go back to drinking. I asked him if going back and drinking was more important than fixing this and he said Yes. OMG HE SAID YES!!! I couldn't win. He said that if he's so bad, then just leave him alone (another one of his threatening lines), I told him ok, because I couldn't live like that and having other things put in front of me like drinking wasn't right and we hung up. I realized that he still had my air mattress to sleep on until he gets his new bed and being the hormonal woman that I am, I wanted it back. I know that I shouldn't have gone down there, but I drove to his house, text him along the way and told him that I wanted it back . When we got there, he told me that I wasn't allowed in his house!!! * * * ?!?!? Then he brought it outside, still inflated and told me to start pushing on it to get the air out - yes, with cramps? GREAT IDEA! He told me to get away and started deflating it and told me that once this is done that he wants me off of his property or else he was going to call the cops on me! OMG...I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! He was treating me like a piece of garbage, it hurt me so bad...He said to just leave and not bother with him again. I kicked him in his leg - I KNOW IT WAS WRONG! and I did apologize...he just hurt me so bad. I ended up throwing the half full mattress into my SUV and he told me to leave. I started to and then he started running his mouth. I asked if we could just talk, that I didn't understand why he was being so mean to me the last few days. He told me to get off of his property and actually pulled out his phone like he was going to call the cops. WE ARE SCHOOL TEACHERS IN THIS TOWN HE LIVES IN! To boot, I wasn't doing anything but trying to talk. He told me to leave. Then he said he didn't love me anymore as I was pulling away. I went around the block and asked him to tell me to my face that he didn't love me. He said he just said that, but to leave him alone that he had it with me - to look at the way I was acting! He started walking back down to the bar which is about 5 blocks. I begged him literally, to come back. I said "We're having a baby together, please", but he just kept walking. I got back into my SUV and needed gas (GREAT!) and pulled to the next gas station. I called him, he picked up as he was walking and I asked if we could just talk. He refused, said we could talk tomorrow. * * * ? He said that for 3 years I got what I wanted and now he's getting what he wants, that if I don't like it to just leave him alone. Now as he's saying this, I'm pumping my gas and he's walking right past the gas station and won't even acknowledge my existence, he just kept walking. I practically begged to talk and then finally said ok...I just can't do this anymore. He told me to then leave him alone and I said ok. We hung up, both saying good bye and I haven't heard from him since. I've only had him flip out like this on me when he was drunk (only sometimes though!) maybe like 4x's since we've been together has he acted this crazy. Why do you think he's doing this now? It was so out of the blue and I'm in shock. I know that I can't live like this. He told me that he wanted the girl back that he fell in love with and I told him that the girl he fell in love with ran her mouth, said what she was feeling and didn't take no crap from anyone! Well, she's back. I can't go through this pregnant - especially when I get upset and then cramp. Any idea why he's doing this? Is he scared about the baby? I don't know. Please help, I'm so heartbroken. This man is my best friend. I can't believe he flipped like this on me 2 nights in a row. I'm literally in shock, I never thought he would do this, especially now. We are so close, I just don't understand it. He said that he loves me more than anything - if that was true, he wouldn't act this way! Was it just the alcohol? My friends saw him down the bar and said he was acting fine and they were asking him about me and he was acting like everything was fine. They also said when they got their early, around 9, he was already drunk. HELP! I'm so hurt right now and can't sleep at all. Link to comment
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