Trust Problems ( Kinda long Thread sorry)

[Treehugger]

Hey there people.

 

My name is Deryn, and im new here so bare with me

 

I am Currently in a LDR and have been together with my girlfriend for over a year a 2 months. Started April the 12th 2007.

 

It Started when i was living in spain, as she lives in spain aswell, for the first 6 months we were together, all good you would expect, wrong.

We have a weird relationship, she is 15 now, and i just turned 18.

First she didnt tell her parents about me, but due to some girl, who become highly jealous of us, told her parents about Me and Saadia.

 

The worst happened, her mother, who is a psyco beat her up =[

And as much as i wanted to do something i was unable to, because it would cause more problems. But she stayed with me, Saadia stayed with me but made a bunch of lies to her parents about us, enough to make them think we aint together no more.

 

No Saadia when we first went out, was Emo, She drunk and Selfharmed herself. After a tough 4 months of us going i managed to *save* her.

I stoped her drinking ( As when she was drunk, she would do things which would put her in danger ) and i stopped her self harming, she became a normal happy girl.

 

Then i had to move to wales, to get an Education in college.

Was hard at first but we passed the tough stage.

I trusted her every moment. I love her, i honestly do and i trusted her.

 

We now talk over msn, and phone calls, and i go to spain every 4-5 months.

 

until this boy came into her life, her friend introduced him to her.

He became hostile to me, as soon as i met him, over msn.

 

I tried telling Saadia about this, but she didnt believe me until i showed her the conversation. We had argued about her not beliving me, was a really bad argument. So this guy who just popped into our lives created an argument straight away. She continued to be friends with him.

 

He likes Saadias friend, loves her apparently.

 

Well a week later he has asked her if he could see her in hot pants, ofc i found out ( funnily enough i find everything out, so she can rarely hide anything from me ) And i had threatend him, threatend to tell Saadias friend Which wouldnt give him a chance with her. He begged and cried to me not to. I didnt, i didnt want to swoop that low.

 

I told Saadia that he likes her, she denies it over and over and over.

We argued so eventually and finally she stop being friends with him?

 

True she did, but was only a matter of time before they were best buddies again. Once again we argued over and over about this guy and eventually got it out of her, she admitted he likes her, and that he said "Saadia, would you go out with me if you wasnt with Deryn" that had annoyed me insanly.

 

So after out argument, she deleted him from msn and stopped being friends with him.

 

Week later friends again. This hurt me alot, cant describe it and i lost all my trust in her.

Why would she keep going back to being friends with him after he causes us to argue and nearly break up, which we nearly did.

And she went out with him for a day, at his house.

She said she had to get out of her house, get away from her mother which is understandable. But why him of all people.

 

I finally made her promise me not to be friends with him ever, because all we would ever do is argue cause of him.

 

Was i right to stop trusting her that day? Or am i wrong?

 

Now i find it hard to trust her, i always worry about where she is going and stuff.

Even since that Jordan problem ( That guys name ) I have been unable to trust her. It has scarred me, it had hurt me to the point where i became depressed, first time ever.

 

I love this girl to death, i wouldnt want any other girl.

I do not want to loose her, i couldnt bare it.

 

I had went to spain in Octorber, and April to see her, and eventually June.

 

But in April i broke up with her, because i didnt want to feel like * * * * , worrying all the time. But after a day i realised how much i missed her, how much i needed her. Although we wernt together in person, just being together made me happy.

 

When we broke up though, she was devistated, she cried for an entire day without stopping, a few friends told me as she went over a friends house.

The net day she tried to quickly get over me, so she started talking to all these boys trying to make me jealous. I admit it worked, i got etremly upset, but eventually i told her how i felt and we got back together.

 

But this one guy, James, continued to flirt with her ( They had known each other for years, they really liked each other at one pooint before we first went out. He now lives in wales ) he flirted with her, saying how much fun they will have together when he finally comes to spain.

 

This made me upset, because she just cant seem to say "No, stop it please, im with Deryn" She hasnt got it in her to be mean to anyone.

To threaten or tell me to stop or else.

 

We broke up two more times with her doing the breaking up.

because she couldnt handle the LD and us arguing alot since we first broke up. Which is mostly due to me, i admit because i know what makes her angry and said yet i still say them.

 

We are still together thank god.

 

Anyways, I feel we are unable to talk things through with each other. Because everytime i try to tell her, her problems or what makes me sad, we end up arguing and her saying i dont trust her. Which i kinda dont but do.

I still find it hard to trust her completely.

 

Like how i tell her she takes thigns the wrong way when ever i mention anything.

 

When ever she meets a new boy, she becomes best pals with them and has them on their top friends on bebo. Its like she becomes obbssed, and she talks to them a hell of alot.

 

She does go out alot with a few people, go to parties and stuff. I dont mind it although i do worry, which is understandable.

Atm i have no friends who are girls, because i get the feeling if i get some, and go out with them alot, Saadia will end up going out alot more with boys. And i dont want that to happen. And i dont want any atm because i dont want her feeling like i do when she has guy friends who talk to her alot.

 

So my question is, what do you guys think? I love this girl and i DO NOT want to loose her. But what advice can you give me regarding this. What can i do to improve the relationship, Or tell her.

 

Sorry for the big wall of text and i appriciate any help.

Thank you.

[Treehugger]

Atm we are talking about her GCSE results, she feels asif she has failed them, mostly because she would rather talk to me then revise. Although i think she has done well.

 

But these next two years she is doing her A levels and only talk to me an hour a day and she said this:

 

- s a a d i a ;; what if says (2:15 PM):

deryn its the fact

that i cant revise or do my work

because i will be sad

because

yur miles away from me

i'll hardly see yu when yu come over

and i'll hardly talk to yu

when im trying to work

i'll wona come on here

rents will shout

ill get mega sad

and yeh

fuked up aagin.

 

I honestly think this relationship is going downhill pretty fast and i dont want that.

[Miss Singh]

okay... well i hope im helpful... i understand about this jealousy thing... my long distance boyfriend in new york {{im in florida}} .... we both have huge jealousy problems idk why because we dont hang out with other people of the opposite sex, but, idk we are just so damn jealous of every little thing. it has caused 2 so many arguments as it will, so just be careful what you say to Saadia when you become mad because words will hurt eventually and one day you wont forget what that person has said to you... but yeah... i know you guys are in love and you dont wanna lose eachother... and her doing stuff to make you jealous doesnt fix anything ... my bf n i have been thru stuff like that too and its not gonna get you anywhere believe me... have you tried really talking 2 her on the fone when shes not too busy or something like having a long talk and telling her that you really dont like it when she hangs out with other boys and does stuff to make you jealous because it really hurts you ?? you shud tell her how it makes you feel ... dont spark up an argument or start with her because that will make matters worse... just try telling her how you feel when she hangs out with other boys and talks to them alot like she does ... tell her you really love her and it makes you jealous and kind of worried when she does that ... tell her if she really cares about you and your feelings she wud stop...hmmm...and anything else you may feel but just ask her 2 open up 2 you n tell her how she feels also and have a long heart-to-heart talk together... and when school comes in the way of you guys dont give up just work thru it n try 2 help eachother thru school work etc and you also may want to ask her if she likes those boys in "that way" and tell her 2 be completely honest with you and if she constantly says no then believe her because she cares about you and also ask her 2 stop talking 2 them so much and hanging out with them so much if she doesnt like them because theres no reason for it... and if she moves them to her top in bebo and stuff ask her not 2 because it hurts your feelings and you wanna be the only guy in her life the only guy in her top because yuo deserve it not them and before you get really mad and upset with her at all ever, just remember that YOU have her, not them. so your the lucky one that gets to kiss her and love her etc ... they dont. hope i was some help

[Treehugger]

Hey thanks for the reply, havnt been on here for a while

 

Im sorry to say but we broke up quite a while ago but we have both moved on though.

 

I have read your other post, and it seems no matter what happens you two saw each other and were extremly happy!

[Miss Singh]

well thanx =] and im sorry i didnt look at the date that you wrote it !! i had just made an account on here and was pretty new im sorry !!! so have you talked 2 her ever since then or anything ?? hope your doing well coping =]

[Astro]

im sorry if these seems like im inturupting but i need help and im also new here so bare wiv me please.. ive been with my girlfriend now for 11 months it will be one year on the 2nd of febuary but she has jelousy issues with me i mean i neva used to get jelous or stressed cuz i thought it was a waste of tym been jelouse and stressed but since i got with her it was like she introduced it to me it started of with her ex boyfriend who used to beat her up she had been with him for 8 months while she was with him me and her was friends and that we would talk to each other and have a luagh i would walk her back home from school and everythink was good but one day i was on msn and she come online for once cuz her ex wud neva let her on so i askd her if she was ok and she sed no i have broke up wid my bf so i tryd to help her by cheering her up a week later we got together and the first 4 months was great i mean brilliant i loved it i was so in love with her then she started to change and get jelouse over me talkin to girls which were only friends and then she started accusing me of cheatin she would always ask me if i cheated on her and i keep saying to her i wud neva dat to you i want to spend da rest of my life with you and i wud send her big txt messages sayin hw much i love her,

but it felt like it neva sinked in to her head and she wouls still accuse me so one day i got her to siit dwn with me to talk about this and dis was wen she told me she used to get beaten up by her ex and that he wud neva let her go any were or see anyone so then understud y she was doing this so i sed to her ok i will help get through it so i stopped tlkin to girls apart from da ones dat are her mates then a month later this boy come in called nathan and she would always txt him or tlk to him on the late at night and it always be when im not there she also tlk to him on msn and she gose round his house sometimes and he wud have all of his mates there and she would be the only girl there, this one time i was rying to phne her but it kept on saying she was busy when i finally got through i askd her who she was on the phne to and she kept saing she wasnt on the phone she wasnt talkin to anyone then later on that day she admits it sayin she was tlkin to nathan so i went a bit and sed why did u lie to me and she just sed i dnt knw then it started to get worse like she would go round his house pretty late at night with out even tellin me so i askd her wat is going on and she sed nothing we are just friends she sed nathan has been her best friend for a long time but i was annoyed ova it to much and i askd her nt to speak to him again but she wudnt she just argued at me ova it ova and ova again but then evently she stopped doing for a few weeks then she carryd on tlkin to him so i gave up and let her carry on i mean she sed to that she would tell me if she had cheated on me. after a month or so nathan had gone to prison for sellin drugs but he askd her to write letters to him and shhe sed dat she would always write letters to him cuz they are good mates so she says,

but then after that i didnt hear about nathan much and her jelousy ego's started to happen again and we had this one argument i sed its ova between us and but it was only for few hours before we got together again but she was acting funny with me but then i found out that she askd someone who gose to our college for his number and he gave it her but wen i tld her about this she sed she already had his num a very long tym ago and that she didnt meet link or do anyfink with him but i askd her why did you do it and she sed cuz i was single and cuz i was anrgy baring in mind we had only split up for a few hours then a few mothns later we had another argument and again and we split up agian for few hours she did it again wid someone dat gose to our college and he was even one of her ex bf and i found this by lookin at her txt messages but i cud only find the ones that she sent to him but nt the ones that he sed to her so i askd wat did he say to you but she kept on sayin i cnt remember and by the looks of her sent messages she was leading him on then she kept on changin her story makin up things for wa he sed to her and i askd her why she did it to me again after i already told her hw i felt about it the first time she did it to me and again she sed the same thing i was single and i was angry.

 

thank you for reading sorry for how long it is but i need help i dnt know wat to do i dont knw if i should believe her or not and if i do i dont if i should stay with her please can you help me?

 

jus comment under neath or send an e.mail to me plz : email removed thank you

[Davie]

I live in England, My Fiancee lives in South Dakota. When a guy flirts with her she kicks them in the balls and when a girl flirts with me i tell em i'm gay.

 

Problem solved