I need advice

[dont_know_what_2_say]

thank you in advance for reading.

I broke up with my boyfriend of three years about a month ago.

We were in a long distance relationship for those three years (met online).

First boyfriend.

 

We broke up on very good terms. No hard feelings.

I understood you can't change people, and I didn't accept some of his behaviors.

His reasons being, He needed to figure himself out, what he was going to do with his life ( he's 26), and that was really stressing him out, plus long distance relationship issues just was too much for him I guess.

 

anyways, we continued talking on and off during this month. I thought I was o.k. with the communication at first, trying to see him as a friend etc.

 

Then this week we didn't talk for about three days, until today which is when i decided we should stop talking altogether.

This is because after those three days of not talking it was starting to hit me we were not together anymore, and i was starting to feel really depressed and sad about it, missing him, thinking he had gotten over me already etc.

 

Once i talked to him today it's like every feeling of sadness had vanished and I was back into being happy and normal as if nothing had happened, which made me realize I needed to go no contact so I could REALLY start dealing with the pain of breaking up and get out of "denial" part of grievance.

 

So now I deleted and blocked him from my account, so I can't talk to him.

 

I guess what I'm asking is, was it the right decision? will going no-contact help me heal?

or just to hear from people who have gone through this, and they can tell me how it was for them healing after a break up

as i mentioned this is my first relationship, and I really don't know what to do when it comes to healing after a break up.

 

I tried the being friends, but it was too soon...

 

how do you know when it's o.k to be friends with an ex? when you can picture them with someone and be happy for them??

[Ellie2006]

Sometimes those "no hard feelings"/ "caused-by-external circumstances" breakups are more difficult to get over because there is no one clearly at fault that caused the breakup -- e.g. cheating, abuse, etc.

 

You are dominated by remorse, more so than anger, and become consumed by questions of "did I do the right thing? could we have done something differently to prevent this?" etc.

 

I think NC is the way to go, for now.

 

Sometimes, a friendship is possible but I think some time has to lapse between the break-up and the start of a new friendship w/ the ex. Sometimes, it's not possible at all, unfortunately.

 

Even though it's been quite a while since I broke up with my last ex, sometimes, it still stings and definitely, those feelings are exacerbated every time we chat to "catch up."

 

Granted, the sad feelings have subsided quite a bit but I do feel a twinge even now after all this time, a feeling which I really can do without.

 

Like you, I believe that when I am able to think that "I'm glad that he's with someone special," then a true friendship with him will be possible.

 

Take care of yourself.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

 

I really thank you for responding to my thread. It's very hard to deal with a breakup specially having no previous experiences. I'm really trying to do what feels right at the moment, and no contact I guess is the right thing to do..

I had gone on no contact before and for some reason after about a week I thought i had accepted it and would be fine talking to him.

I think it was more me trying to believe that because I missed him and I wanted to keep in touch.. which really just set me back on healing.

[Ellie2006]

I know how you feel *hugs*

 

I tried the whole "friends" thing too, mostly because I was able to remain friends with my other exes.

 

But, with this one, I think I went the friends route too fast -- in hindsight, I should have waited a while longer. After the break-up, we did NC for three + months so I thought I was ready. But I was wrong.

 

Anyways, things may be different in your case; give yourself some time to heal but I truly hope that you'll reach the "end of the tunnel" soon, hun.

 

Stay strong and feel better soon.

 

Sending best wishes your way...