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DOnt miss sex...Never much of a sex drive...Whats wrong with me?


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So I have never had a huge sex drive. THis was usually a problem with most of my boyfriends. But most of my boyfriends I had I have never really been that attracted to. But there is something that grossed me out about sex. Could it be because it is with the wrong person? Well, I have not had sex since maybe November of last year, thats about 9 months. ANd I really dont miss it. Once in awhile I pleasure myself, but I think that I always kind of preferred that over sex with my boyfriends. SOmetimes if my boyfriends wanted sex, I would just have us masterbate together instead. Is something wrong with me? I am afraid that this will always ruin all of my relationships I ever have. I want that emotional closeness with someone, but I really can do without the sex. Most of the boyfriends I have had were from meeting at bars when I was drunk and a little more, uh frisky. But then I would fall into these relationships where I felt comfortable with the person, but just wasnt attracted to them...


Another thing that scares me is what if I am never find someone I am attracted to sexually. There have been maybe two times in my life where I met someone I felt totally attracted to and really liked. Both times it never worked out and I felt like maybe attractive people arent atteracted to me...I'm a good looking girl, maybe it is my personality. I dont know, maybe this topic got off subject. But I wish I could experience being mutually attracted to someone and having great sex with them.. It just doesnt seem to come natural for me. And even if I met someone I was attracted to, I get really really shy. ugh. Im doomed!

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You may have a lowe sex drive (some people naturally do). But I'm not so sure about that since you mentioned you like masturbation, just not regular sex. Perhaps you should try women, or maybe you're into kinky sex and don't realize it - I'd explore that too.

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Thanks for responding. I was beginning to think people didnt even want to say "There is something wrong with you", so didnt respond. I had my little lesbian experience back in highschool (all girls highschool). I didnt do anything but make out with a girl though. But I am no way attracted to girls in a sexual mannar. I think they are prettier aesthetically, but I am sexually drawn towards men. I think the few kinky experiences with sex I've had, both turned me on, and also made me see sex in a warped way. I just want to be able to have sex that is between two mutually attracted people. Seems like everyone has that chance once in awhile.. Maybe it is an attraction problem on my part. I just dont know. My x boyfriend is always trying to send me dirty text messages and even send a naked picture of him the other day and it really pissed me off. Maybe Ive just had bad experience with sex. Is a low sex drive normal? How can one have a healthy relationship when your sex drive is so low? All the men Ive dated have had super high sex levels, but I guess thats normal....ugh....

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How old are you? As you probably know, a woman's sex drive increases with age, peaking around 30 or so while men peak around 18 and decrease from there. So if you're in your early 20s then there is light at the end of the tunnel.


I'm not sure how you can have a healthy relationship with such a low libido, since not having sex for close to a year and not even missing it is fairly uncommon. You may have a tough time finding a partner who is ok with having sex so little.


Another thing you may be able to do is perhaps have sex even when you don't want to? Let your SO know that it won't be the best but you'll make yourself available to him if he needs it. Some women are against that and some don't mind, so I can't say what works for you. I don't really have first-hand experience with it, I only dated one girl with a very low sex drive and broke up with her fairly quickly. I couldn't stand not getting sex from my girl and not being able to get it somewhere else as I don't want to cheat.

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It could be hormonal, in which case it can be tweaked relatively un-invasively.


Also, it doesn't sound like what your bf is doing would turn any woman on, unless she'd already experienced great sex w/ him. Sounds very immature, if it's not too un-PC of me to say that.


It's pretty normal to find sex w/ someone to whom you're not very attracted rather unappealing, isn't it? I don't know if low drive is your issue so much as not coming accross enough that floats your boat. I might have something similar (though I've def. got the drive!) - there just aren't that many people where I think, DAMN!

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Lamprey. That makes me sad. But thanks for being honest.

I guess I have to hand it to the ones that did date me for that long without having sex with me. But they did cheat. I dont know. I probably had sex with them a couple times a month when I dated them. SOmetimes I would do it a couple times a week, but rarely. Usually when I was drunk I would get the most into it. But when I was sober, I rarely felt like stripping down and getting sweaty. I was usually tired after a long day of work, and never felt in the mood. But I think If I actually felt in love with someone it could be a different story...I hope so. Thats all I can hold onto for hope...

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Abadabadoo, THANKS....Thats hopeful. Yeah, my ex is immature. We had a two year relationship of break up make up. I never really was that atteacted to him...But we were kind of in a codependant relationship. Eventually he broke up with me for another woman and I found out later he had been cheating on me the whole time (Including with my best friend!). Well that was about two years ago and now he is wanting me back and trying to send dirty messages to me, and it totally turns me off and I tell him so. Thats off topic though....


Yeah, I think I just never met anyone I was head over heels for. I am 28 now, so if 30 is my peak I hope I can find someone by then to see if that theory holds true! I think my low sex drive goes hand and hand with all my other issues of having trouble meeting people and being shy and having social anxiety. I tend to stay with the people I am comfortable with, even though I'm not that into them....Maybe I'll never meet anyone and Im doomed to have a sexless lonely life...

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Have you ever reached orgasm? I'm not sure if you mentioned that. There are sexual health clinics that you can investigate. I'm thinking of going to one, because I actually have trouble reaching orgasm. It all works fine and stays 'up' but, most of the time it takes hours, both on my own and with a partner. It does have it's benefits, but can be unsettling to my partner. Fortunately, my last partner was very understanding, and my not reaching climax had nothing to do with how attractive I found her. Anyway, different story


I think the key is finding out about what you like yourself, and getting your partner to replicate that I have no trouble taking directions

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I reached an orgasm with my first boyfriend a couple times, back when I was 19 maybe. And the only other time was with a recent boyfriend did oral sex, which I tend to shy away from as well. I can easily reach orgasm on my own, just not with partners. Once I am having sex I usually like the feeling. But there is something that blocks me from wanting it or ever getting turned on enough to want it. Even foreplay sometimes becomes annoying to me, because the idea of it just turns me off I think....Maybe I should go to a sex clinic...If I ever end up in another relationship....God, I must sound like a nightmare girlfriend...Thanks

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Nah, you're alright


Why do you shy away from oral? Have you had some bad experiences? I got bitten once haha. Most guys I know LOVE giving oral, and love having them reach orgasm while they're down there (myself included).


You don't have to be in a relationship to go to sexual health clinic When you're not in a relationship is the best time to work on these kind of things.


I apologise if I've gotten too personal there

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Thanks everyone. I think a huge part of not enjoying the sex is not being attracted to the person and also not having a good relationship with the person either. I mean, in the beginning of a relationship it takes me awhile to get comfortable with a person and let loose and have fun, but by the time that point comes, the relationship is starting to fall apart. I never actually had a healthy relationship I dont think. I do think part of it has to do with me being self conscious of my body too maybe.


I also think I have intimacy issues. I feel strange being that close with someone. Sex just freaks me out. I think of these ugly sweaty body parts and people grunting and nasty juices coming out of people, and part of me gets completely sickened from it. Maybe I need to talk to someone about this. I dont mind getting personal on this sight, as my name is anonymous and no one knows who the other person is. I dont think I would think all that stuff was gross if it was from someone I was attracted to and loved and didnt have all these complex relationship issues with. DO you think? Has anyone been with someone in this situation? I dont know.


Even just casual sex most people enjoy. The only times Ive done that is when I am really drunk. I had a bad period in college when I would drink too much and end up going home with guys ad having threesome's and doing really stupid stuff that maybe turned me off to sex as well...

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I have a massive personal space, and generally don't like to be touched, HOWEVER, i do let certain special people in I also have intimacy and trust issues.


It does take time to work out, and now that you've identified it, you can start working on it There are plenty of avenues you can investigate. I'm sure that there are plenty of guys out there that wouldn't have a problem helping you work through it

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I think that somewhere along the way, you were taught, or came to the conclusion that sex is dirty. I think you definitely have intimacy issues. But whatever the problem is, maybe go and see a sex therapist?


Also, when i was in my early twenties, I masturbated probably every day. And the more i did it, the more i wanted sex. Maybe you should try that? Get your body wanting sex?

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Thanks everyone. I think you are all right. I think somewhere down the road sex turned into a dirty thing to me. My old boyfriend used to ask if I was molested or had a bad experience. And I never had any childhood situations like that, so I wonder how I got like that. Maybe it is just how I am and how I've always been. I know sex is a natural good thing, but the way I have seen it throught my teenage years up to now has warped it maybe. I mean, how many marriages and relationships end in somoeone cheating on the other person. To me, sex has been a very unhealthy thing for many people. Does anyone agree?


I also have to say that I do have intimacy issues, probably similar to me haing social anxiety. I get weirded out by people hugging and touching me except my family and those Im close with, but I used to be much worse about it. Going to the extreme level of intimacy such as sex is scary for me. Thats why I enjoy getting a little drunk and having light hearted fun with it. One of my boyfriend's wanted me to look him in the eyes as we had sex, and got all romantic about it, and it freaked me out. Maybe because I didnt feel comfortable with him.


Chocolates, I think you are right about masterbating more and wanting it. I have no problem with masterbating. That seems like the healthiest thing to me. But when it comes to sharing this with a person, I have had nothing but unhealthy experiences with sex. I just dont think I have ever been attracted with someone and trusted them enough to feel good about having sex with them..Thank You all.....Maybe I do need to see a therapist, but I cant afford it right now...

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