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have to wait 3 years

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Hi kinda new some advise,

Iv been with my guy for 9 months now and we real serious, he has asked me to marry him, we both 24 so kinda the best age to get married,


Problem is he still at uni and needs 3years to sort him self out means getting engaged next year then long time engagement for 2 years. Its so long and I am worried what may happen, and I don’t think I wanna wait 3 years to get married.


At the same time I love him so much and want no one else but him.

Pls help.

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Hey there!


Perhaps waiting is good, if you get married you'll be together for eons longer than three years =).


So under those three years you might just get to know him better and really see if he's someone to marry? A quick marriage could result in a divorce after two years anywho.

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I understand where you guys are coming from, but what if in those 3 years of engagement something goes wrong its such a n embarrassment for the family. But if we married we know we have to work on our problems, But ill be 27 by then and 3 years is a long time, I cant expect him to leave uni. I would not do that.

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what if in those 3 years of engagement something goes wrong

Something could go just as wrong in the marriage if you're unlucky =/.

And a relationship is not something you break as soon as something bad happens, if you cannot work things out without being married, I am sorry to say that you shouldn't be married.


But what hinders you guys from marrying while he's still in the university?

Perhaps it could be a carrot for him to be married during his last years, knowing that he must perform well on the tests so that he can get a good job and provide for his family and a child as well, in the future perhaps?

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Your right, I do really wanna make this work, but reason I could not marry him while he at uni it would be to much pressure on him, and our families would not like it.

Its hard enough tilling my parents about him, when he got no job and still at uni, he needs to be finacaily secured, to take me on.


I will stand by him true every thing. But COME ON 3 YEARS that’s long, I wanna be married by at least mid of 2005. But I cant seem to see that happening he knows how I feel and respects me for my decision but he loves me to so much and says its up to me if I can wait, it not it was just not meant to be.


But I need him, cant live with out him

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Ah, I see, I see.

Sounds like a sane reason to wait 'till he graduates then.


But three years will pass quickly if you're with someone you love. And don't worry about the age-thing, your's is the summer of your life, right?


Even if I was 49, I wouldn't rush into a marriage. What's important to me is to find someone who loves me regardless and that I can feel safe with. Not a woman who's just a wife and then never does a thing in the marriage.

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I agree with akatoro. Marriage is a serious committment. I think more people should have longer engagements to be sure of what they are getting into.


And look at it this way, things change over time. There is no rule that says a year from now both of you won't feel different and decide to move up the marriage date. Right? Play it by ear and see how things go.



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I guess its just me I don’t wanna be 30 and having kids,.. my mum already on my case about getting married and she has been for the past3 years I told her then give me 3 years and I wont say no. but now its 3 years later and the guy im with now he asking 3years. Don’t know how im gonna do it.


Its mad cos I WANT HIM SO BAD but don’t wanna wait 3GOD DAM YEARS. till IM settled.

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You see my IM a Asian gal and its harder on me and presser on my from the family is mad.


What if in 2years time it breaks up and by that time ill be too old to find a decent guy cos all the good ones will have had sense and got married, by gals who had sense to marry before.

I think im chatting crap now, but the truth is I love my guy so much and he loves me too. That’s what counts. Its juts the family pressure I don’t wanna go tro.

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What does your mom have to do with it? She's not the one marrying the guy so I'm afraid she has no say in the matter.


I mean, when you're engaged - you've got him. Like akatoro says, you wanna find someone else and marry them in a month? Thats totally the wrong way to go about it. And what if you break it off and then don't find somebody for 4-5 years. You're still into your 30s at that point.


People have kids well into their 30s. Don't let that be the deciding factor. If this guy is a keeper then why ruin it by rushing things? I know you want him bad so take the engagement! Then he's yours!

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you want him bad so take the engagement! Then he's yours!


I LOVE THE WAY THAT IT IS PUT, cos i love the idea of him being mine.


You guys are so right, I guess I should play by the ear, and see what happens.


So should I say YES to him,


Cos in all fairness that’s what I wanna say.

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What's the rush? I read in your first reply you said if something went wrong then if you were married you'd be able to sort it out. Well you should be able to sort it out even if you're not married. Don't rush these things, I have many relatives (and my own parents) who married too soon because they "believed" they loved each other. Now alot of them are up in divorce court... Don't rush it, marriage is for life. Like a life prison sentence, you don't get out of it, unless you break out.

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Yeah.. DREAM, don't rush your marriage. I'M an Asian girl too and my family doesn't seem to pressure this kind of marriage. They too want to see me happy than getting married early.


I know that our parents wants the best for us but at times they push us too much. I'm in pre-depression because of them. I hope that doesn't happen to you too.


Just take it slow and play by the ear. Like someone said just now, You're the one getting married and not your family.


Good luck.

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