Guys... how would you feel about my final email? (ok for women to respond too)

[lovebunny]

I met a guy online 4 months ago. We have been trying to meet up, but due to schedules and some cyber falling outs which led to periods of no contacthe longest 2 weeks, it hasn't been able to happen. About 3 weeks ago he asked me again to meet again:

 

Him: I might be going to (town) Mon night.

Me: Is that an invitation to meet?

Him: If we both have time and you don't mind me in migrant farm worker mode. Scruffy. Going to be in (town) at 7, God willing. Talking about some business for a little while, then have to hightail back to check on dog. In btwixt is a possibility depending on where you are.

Me: Sounds rather harried and uncertain. I'll pass.

Him: Well, we wouldn't want to stress you out.

Me: I meant to harried for YOU given what you already have scheduled. But come to think of it... maybe I'll get a massage after I go rollerblading tonight.

Him: Pity. My strong suit

Me: Yeah... you probably have those giant soft bass-player paws, huh? Puuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrr Well.. maybe we can shoot for another time. Do you rollerblade BTW?

 

He didn't respond for days. I finally sent him a sad puppy face (as I did once before when he wasn't responding). He replied "nice nose". I said "Thanks I've been contemplating getting mine done just like it!" Him: "I didn't know they did nose augmentations!" I sent a funny pic and made a funny comment regarding the topic. He didn't respond all day. The next day I told him about a gig I had (he always asks when I'm playing). He was friendly but didn't say whether or not he'd show and never did. No contact for 10 days. I sent him an email last Tue:

 

Me: "I might be in (town) Fri-Sat or all day Sun. Still inclined to meet?"

Him: Let me know when you'll be around. I have a gig Sat and some other stuff planned. (We're both musicians).

 

I wrote back a few hours later "Will do. Where's your gig? I have one Sat also.... (town)." He didn't respond to my email for 3 days. Finally Sat I called him (which I only called him one other time in the 4 months) and sent email to let him know....

 

Me: "Mike, I am planning to go to (town) tomorrow. Not sure if you're still interested in meeting... particularly based on your lack of response to my previous email. Can you let me know either way so I can plan accordingly.

Him: "Hmmm.lack of response? I seem to recall I replied and asked to let me know when, between Friday and Sunday, you'd be in (town). That being said, I have plans tomorrow afternoon and eve. Hope your gig tonight is good. I'm playing bass at the (club) in (town)!"

Me: "I was referring to the email I sent Wed asking where your gig was. I will be in (town) beyond tomorrow... but sounds like the truth of the matter is you're not very interested. OK... thanks for letting me know."

 

He hasn't responded for almost 6 days now. Was I wrong for not getting back to him sooner and maybe he was pissed off??ut I was annoyed and thought the fact he never responded to my question about where his gig was, indicated he was maybe going to blow me off anyway.

[Lana0120]

It sounds like things got complicated. You were very much the one doing the chasing in these communications and neither one of you suggested a definite meet. Things were always up in the air. I wouldn't worry about your e-mail. Personally, I'd just move on. He doesn't come accross like he's that bothered one way or the other.

[annie24]

i would move on. he sounds really wishy washy. what's so hard about saying, 'i'll meet you at starbucks at 7 PM on friday?'

[darkpumpkin]

I would agree with Annie24, it's time to move on. He's giving you the round about everytime you have the possibility of meeting. Talked to a lot of men online like this, from my experiance the ones who want to meet you will meet you. They find the time and a way.

[Lana0120]

i would move on. he sounds really wishy washy. what's so hard about saying, 'i'll meet you at starbucks at 7 PM on friday?'

 

 

Yeah, that's what I felt too. It's like neither of you wanted to suggest an outright meet. Personally, I still think you should just forget him. Remain online friends, but don't push for a meet. If you really are determined to meet though, suggest a date and a time, and if he doesn't take it up or suggest an alternative, give up. Just from those short conversations though, I can't say he impressed me too much.

[Lady Bugg]

This kind of stuff annoys me to no end. I think your email was very appropriate considering his wishy washiness. I would be wary of him possibly being married or involved. His evasiveness just reeks of something fishy.

JMO.

[lovebunny]

He was the VERY persistent one in the beginning.

 

So does the fact he hasn't responded to my last email mean I was right then (not very interested)? A male friend of mine just thinks he's terrified of rejection and given the cyber-slaps I've given him online.. he can barely word it right to ask me out.

[darkpumpkin]

It's lasting power that is important. I talked to a guy where are schedules never seemed to line up, but I never had to wait three days for a reply, and he called me when he couldn't. Eventually we were able to work something out. From your post it just seems he replies to you when he finds sometime on the net, why doesn't he call you? Or does he?

[drewciouS281]

for just being chat buddies it sounds like relationship drama. this is not gonna work out. cut it loose! He isnt making the effort. Maybe he is some 400lb psycho that really isnt in a band or anything. maybe thats why he keeps cutting you off the moment you ask where his gigs are. every think about that? There are some psychos out there. My friend got burned really bad from a situation like that and the girl seemed legit.

[amipushy]

Oh I dunno, I always see it from the other persons perspective and think you should have said yes in the first place. But what do I know?!!

[lovebunny]

I gave him my number a while ago but he's never called. I had also given him my real email addy and he only uses my alias still. He gave me his # withthin the first few exchanges and we talked on the phone once months ago.

 

I did end up going to the gig he invited me to, but didn't let him see me... I wasn't ready to meet him and he had blown off my gig the week before.

 

******** BUT BACK TO MY POINT FOR THIS POST: Guys... how would you feel about my final email if you were interested???

[Lady Bugg]

Lovemonkey..if I KNEW I had no intentions of meeting you, I wouldn't care..and if I were I would STILL understand because I'd KNOW I was being wishy washy.....either way...ACTION speaks louder than words or type....

THAT'S what you should be paying attention to!!

[darkpumpkin]

I gave him my number a while ago but he's never called. I had also given him my real email addy and he only uses my alias still. He gave me his # withthin the first few exchanges and we talked on the phone once months ago.

 

I did end up going to the gig he invited me to, but didn't let him see me... I wasn't ready to meet him and he had blown off my gig the week before.

 

******** BUT BACK TO MY POINT FOR THIS POST: Guys... how would you feel about my final email if you were interested???

 

Send it if it makes you feel better about closing this book. But as stated above I would not expect him to react to much other then a small panick.

[lovebunny]

Send what?

[ycmanvs]

What is going on here? Why can't you be direct? Call him up, on the phone and ask him if he would like to meet up. All this flirting back and forth and trying to figure out what he means, what she means....going to a gig but not introducing yourself. You are creating your own drama, where there is none.

I think you are both afraid of rejection and cannot commit to a time and place to meet as a result. Just make a decision and call him...or not.

[lovebunny]

I did call him last Sat... he knew it was me from my ID but didn't pick up. Then he just emailed me later.

 

I think my last comment he has had it and is done. Biut what else am I supposed to think??? Isnt' it weird he didn't respond to my email for DAYS that I asked where his gig was? I stated I had one of my own so if he was afraid I was going to show up... he knew I couldn't! Plus... it looked like the place he was supposed to play had an acoustic guitar solo player that night! So maybe he didn't respond because he didn't really have a gig... maybe a date or soemthing.

[ycmanvs]

I did call him last Sat... he knew it was me from my ID but didn't pick up. Then he just emailed me later.

 

I think my last comment he has had it and is done. Biut what else am I supposed to think??? Isnt' it weird he didn't respond to my email for DAYS that I asked where his gig was? I stated I had one of my own so if he was afraid I was going to show up... he knew I couldn't! Plus... it looked like the place he was supposed to play had an acoustic guitar solo player that night! So maybe he didn't respond because he didn't really have a gig... maybe a date or soemthing.

 

Well, he is probably dating other people or he just did not feel like telling you.

You can call him one last time and leave a voicemail, or you can email him one last time and be done with it. Or you can just forget about him. I am not sure what the goal is here for you?

[lovebunny]

My goal is my original question which no one has commented on. I want to know what guys in his position would think of the last comment I sent him... especially if they really were still interested.

 

If he was truly interested he could have just written back and said something like "I am interested..." right?

[ycmanvs]

My goal is my original question which no one has commented on. I want to know what guys in his position would think of the last comment I sent him... especially if they really were still interested.

 

If he was truly interested he could have just written back and said something like "I am interested..." right?

 

Yes, he could have. People who do on-line dating, including myself, keep their options open. If they have more than one option, they will take the one that is most available at the time, and if that one does not work out, come back to the other one that they were emailing before. He will get back to you sooner or later, when he is no longer with his other options.

[Excalibur]

I don't think khe wants to meet - at least not yet.

 

the more he can draw you into the person you createin your own head with emails - the more likely it is your panties will hit the floor pretty quick after "nice to meet you".

[HangingInThere]

I'm sorry but its very clear to see, he's not interested in you and/or meeting you..at least not right now! A whole lot of redflags went up in the thing you have going on here!

 

Press the red X on that dating online spot where you met him and move on to the next profile - this one's a wrap!

[lovebunny]

Then why did he bother to ask to get together numerous times for 4 months now???? including the most realistic offer 3 weeks ago???

[annie24]

Then why did he bother to ask to get together numerous times for 4 months now???? including the most realistic offer 3 weeks ago???

 

did he ever CONCRETELY ask? as in, 'can i see you on friday for coffee at the starbuck's on main street, 6 PM?' ie, something more than, 'let me know if you are in town.....'

[lovebunny]

The 2nd day we chatted online he started dropping hints about getting together. Said things like "great day for a picnic" "wish you lived closer"... but I didn't really pick up on them. Then he asked to talk on the phone about a week later. We talked for 40 mins. The next day and a few more times he asked "what are you doing today/tonight?" ... I was busy already most of the times though. About 2 weeks later he invited me to one of his gigs.. again I already had plans. Then would continually ask if I had any gigs coming up... then mentioned he would be in my neighborhood twice.

 

 

Was I right to feel upset/annoyed and call him on the fact that he hadn't respond to my email ("where's your gig?") for days???

[annie24]

i hate the 'what are you doing tonight?' because it is so last minute, not thought out, etc.... it's like they are bored, and that's why they are calling.

 

i don't see that he's ever asked you out on a real date, as in, 'would you like together this weekend for dinner?' you could have asked him too though. i think if a guy hasn't suggested a concrete meeting place/time after 4-6 emails, then they just aren't that interested in you. that's my take anyways.