Getting walked all over

[sweetheart21]

Hi guys, I'm having trouble at my new job. I always try to be nice to everyone. I can be shy sometimes and I hate conflict or thinking that I have upset someone. I have very low self esteem & have this need for everyone to like me. I think I mostly just come accross as annoying though.

 

Everyone at my new job seems to like me ok and different people have even said that they think i'm nice etc. But people keep walking all over me. They know they can say anything to me and i'll just laugh it off. Everyone will joke around with me and sometimes it is funny, but other times it goes too far. I just pretend it doesnt bother me and joke back.

 

I feel like no one respects me. I don't know what to say for people to respect me. I dont want to turn into a nasty person. Is it possible to be a nice, funny person but still be respected? How on earth do people do that?

[SoMuchLove]

Hi

 

I was EXACTLY like you. The thing is, if you feel like you have to try to be nice to people you not being genuine and true to who you REALLY are inside. There is a difference between trying to be nice and a push-over. you are the push-over(as I was) You HAVE to show you have self-respect by STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF. You won't be b****y just because you stand up to being disrespected. Think about it. You CANT be nice and get along with everyone. Rememeber,you can be nice to ohters, but if you let them walk all over you YOU ARE NOT BEING NICE TO YOURSELF!!!!

 

Also, shedding your need of approval from others is a MUST. People who have a low self-esteem seek validation from others(as I had) Practice being direct and straight-forward. You are not being rude by speaking the truth and communticating what you feel. Working on the root of you self-esteem issue is also a must.

 

I was exactly like you for a VERY long time when I was in my teens) and 2 weeks ago I finally snapped again(I feel back into wanting to be nice to everyone). People say I'm mean(sometimes) but it's OKAY to come off as rude sometimes. Your human(cliche) and you have feelings. You are welcome to send me PM's and keep me updated. I've been down this road and hope to help my best

[lost1607307474]

It sounds to me quite a normal situation. At new jobs, despite how nice or talented you are, the newbie always gets picked on. It's sad but true. It happened to me when I first started my job - I was the perfect worker, nice to everybody and very likable - but I still got walked all over. Now I've been at this job for over a year and it's ended - everybody respects me fully and never walks all over me. However, I constantly see all of the new people go through the same ordeal I went through.

 

My advice? If it's really bothering or upsetting you, you should say something. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and speak up about things you're not happy with - because THAT is precisely the kind of behavior that gains you respect. Otherwise, all I can offer is to just work the best you can, continue to be nice to everybody, continue to be genuine, and with time other employees with come to realise that you are a genuine person who deserves respect.

[scared and alone]

What kinds of things are they saying to you?

 

I had a job for just a month when I just couldnt take it anymore. A few people there PURPOSELY were just AWFUL to me. It was beyond ridiculous. I had to quit. And i'll give you an example, one time i was working the register and i needed the manager for something really fast (he was literally 2 counters over) so I walked over and hes like 'youre supposed to page me' and im like ... ok. so i go to pick up the phone to page him and hes like 'its fine right now, but next time page me.' ok. jerk. when I can SEE YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I'm STILL supposed to page you? yeah. and just other beyond ridiculous stuff.

[sweetheart21]

Thanks guys your advice really helped. I think I do need to stand up for myself a bit more, but also I think what might be happening is similar to what Harmony said about being the new person.

[akazie]

You need to learn how to be link removed. You are not being a * * * * * when you are being assertive, you are letting other people know what your boundaries are. People will treat you how YOU allow them to.

[traeh]

Isn't it funny how some people think you are being aggressive / b----- when you are merely taking a stand?

 

It's like, when a guy is assertive, he is considered macho and tough.

 

When a woman is assertive, she is considered a b---- and/or emotionally unstable.